Help! I need help to get my husband to continue his treatmen

[birdshell]

I believe that krousseau and Offerocker have both summed up the salient point:

Many have tried to suggest helpful ideas, and none seemed to be good enough. I really do not know how to help someone who does not wish to be helped--Spouse is still in the anger phase (or maybe denial? or bargaining?) stage of acceptance of this xPAP for her husband.

So, here is my final take on this thread: we saw Spouse come, we answered, and now it is up to her. Either she will change, or she won't. If she decides to recognize the issue, then she has the tools and knowledge to be able to solve it.

The rest of us should stop allowing her to direct our focus on HER PROBLEM. The more WE worry and try to fix HER PROBLEM, the more we allow her to focus on the fight and to run from the actual solution to HER PROBLEM.

Good luck with that, Spouse. Feel free to PM me if you think it will be useful. I'd be willing to take this discussion off forum, if you are willing to figure out a solution to your problem. I'll be there to support you, but YOU are the only one who can really solve YOUR problem.

Best wishes with your endeavor, Spouse.


Sincerely,
Karen
aka birdshell

P.S. How about the Forum Folk just putting this issue to rest? Spouse either will let us know how she solves her problem so that OUR spouses can benefit from the solution--or she won't. We have other things to discuss, and have put enough time into this topic.

[Guest]

I realize this may ban me from this forum, but I feel I must post to this even though the regulars want it to go away. I am a 43 yr old woman, who is on cpap for 11 mos now. I am feeling better since I got cpap and an very happy with what I get from it. Now to the post. I feel that this goes to alot of us spouses who are on cpap. Some of you spouses are very very lucky. I am very very lucky. My husband is great with this treatment, he has been supportive and helpful, every step of the way. He never says a bad thing, and things the therapy is great. However, this post has brought some feelings that I have had to the surface. Ones that I have been trying to hide and forget for a while. I cant help but wonder, what DOES my husband really think as I am sleeping there with my mask on. I wear a full face mask. I know before he used to lay there in the mornings and watch me sleep, as I did to him. I know I look scarey in my mask and thus certainly no romantic or any other nice ideas may cometo his mind. This post is very important to those of us who feel good about the therapy. Have a supportive spouse, but yet, we are left questioning, and feeling sometimes vulnerable. I will agree, I am not sure what this woman was looking to get out of this post. But it certainly does bring some unmentioned feelings to the surface. From reading the beginning of the thread is seems like there were others that felt that way also. Spouses are important to. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own therapy and may not give thought to whats really going on over on the other side of that bed. I mean really. I think that this is an important thread, or at least brings some important feelings to the surface. Thanks for letting me sound off.

[sleepinggoodfeelingood]

im sorry im not guest, I have a user name, guess i didnt put it in right. Sorry.

[birdshell]

(snip)

How about the Forum Folk just putting this issue to rest? Spouse either will let us know how she solves her problem so that OUR spouses can benefit from the solution--or she won't. We have other things to discuss, and have put enough time into this topic.

[SelfSeeker]

At night time, and how the sleep goes with partners goes, depends on how deep or soundly the other partner sleeps. If a partner is sensitvie to noise or a light sleeper it may not go well. Has a bad reaction to a mask becasue of any reason, is not that the partner loves the partner less.

How do you comprimes?

It is not like you can say, you sleep half the night with the CPAP and the other half without it.

I think the wife is comprimising by leaving the bed after waking up during the night even though this is leaving her more tired, then if she left at the the bed after her husband rolled over and got comfortable and was going to sleep. What is wrong with leaving then? Why does she have to stay then.

A mantra that I like is: Whatever gets us the best night sleep.

[Offerocker]

SLEEPINGGOODFEELINGGOOD:

Your points are very well taken, and worth much consideration; too bad it is buried within this topic. Maybe you will repeat it in a new thread? I didn't think of those things, maybe because I know that dh gets up extremely early, is half-awake, and so I don't worry about what he's seeing. Plus, I'm facing the opposite direction, so he gets an even 'better' shot, ha ha!!

I honestly believe that your husband is STILL looking at you, and looks PAST the mask. He may be thinking how glad he is that you're getting such a peaceful, regenerative sleep. Love is blind to many things, you know. Yes, I'd be embarrassed, even after all this time wearing various masks, if I awakened to find my husband looking at me. I'd sure wonder what the heck he's looking (at).

So, next time you think about it, ask him! He'll probably have an answer that will surprise you. And you'll like it too.

Thanks for the insight of your post. I think we get used to most everything with our partners, especially in the morning...messy hair, wrinkled face, drool on the pillow, the stuffed animal thrown up against the wall, facial hair, and not being able to get the slippers on fast enough to run down the hallway! You've thought about it, but please don't worry about it.
But do let us know his input, if you'd like to share that.

K.

[sleepinggoodfeelingood]

Thanks Off I think I will repost in its own thread. Lets give the spouses the board for a minute maybe we can get some spouses to post about their feelings.

[unclebob]

This is a topic that should not be buried. It almost seems to me that some hoseheads do not wish to broach the subject of just exactly what the other half feels. Please do not bury your head in a mask.

There have been posts on other threads by singles very worried how this treatment may affect any new relationships. This is a topic that needs to be aired. As a hosehead, maybe we can respond to our own relationship in a better manner if we get a inkling of how our partner is really feeling.

This forum is populated by those afflicted with OSA. A major adjunct of the treatment, besides the mask, pressure, leaks, etc, etc, etc, is the person on the other side of the bed, other bed, or other room. If we really want to be proficient hoseheads, willing to take on ALL bedroom challenges, maybe we should arm ourselves with as much knowledge as we can outside of our own bubble.

There are many other, more serious afflictions, such as sensory, limb or cognitive losses that require partner attention to a much greater extent. We are not at that point and it behooves us to slip the mask off once in a while and see what is really going on around us. Treatment can be so much better if we have help at home, but we have to make sure we cultivate it through communication.

I really would like to hear from hosehead partners as to what this treatment
means to them.

Bob F

[unclebob]

It took me so long to type my post that I did not see Sleepinggoodfeelinggood's post before mine. If I did, I could have saved myself a lot of time as s/he concisely said what I meant to.

But I think s/he needs a shorter name as there will probably be another post by the time I get this done and speelcheck doesn't help.

Bob F

[unclebob]

Cee wat I meen.

Bob F

[birdshell]

(snip)

How about the Forum Folk just putting this issue to rest? Spouse either will let us know how she solves her problem so that OUR spouses can benefit from the solution--or she won't. We have other things to discuss, and have put enough time into this topic.

Please feel free to start another thread on the actual ISSUE. Yes, this and any general issue should be explored and discussed. The issue here is taking a back seat.

Let us please stop enabling Spouse. Discussing this specific situation (her dilemna, i.e., the issue of her posts) is doing no one any good, especially not Spouse. We have tried and tried, to no avail. Now let us put Spouse and her problem behind us. She is welcome if she wishes to private message me; she is welcome if she would like to accept our help. But, if we are actually doing harm by allowing her to divert attention from her problem to herself, we should stop. So, let us stop. That is my point.

[krousseau]

I have a reply and links to Spouse and Help! ready to copy and paste for the next "wife" or "husband" that comes to seek help.

[jnickellrental]

Using and extra long hose and putting it under my side of the bed seems to help buffer alot of the noise for my wife. The c-flex change in pressure sometimes bothers her too so if he has C-flex and turns it down it may also help.
Josh