opposite sex and cpap

geoDoug · Post by **geoDoug** » Sun Aug 05, 2007 11:46 am

zorrro13 wrote:" f off then machine man" anyone got any good, bad,funny stories?

I probably don't have to tell you this, but here goes anyway...

I wouldn't take it personally. Unfortunately, when it's a nasty breakup, people will say hurtful things simply because they know a person well and know what will push their buttons. It's not that they necessarily mean it. It's very possible (and I would venture a guess, very likely) that it's more of an indictment on them, not on you.

Doug.

echo · Post by **echo** » Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:20 pm

Nothing more to add on the machine-man comment, except YOU DESERVE BETTER! ... but you know that

And my stories so far (bear in mind i've only been a hosehead for less than a week):

- Typical Darth Vader comments from BF (how long does it take before THAT one gets old?!)

- Waking up on the 3rd morning and getting a heart attack from BF peering at me, inches from my face, trying to figure out if i was still breathing with the mask on and CPAP chugging away (well he says he was trying to figure out if the mask was still making the loud noise that it made the previous night which made HIM wake up startled... and he's been sleeping in the spare bedroom since then in hopes of an undisturbed nights' sleep!).

- BF very excited to go to DIY store with me to help me modify my headgear! .

jennmary · Post by **jennmary** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 1:17 am

[quote="JZ"]Gosh, I hate to be a wet blanket, but by the time you get to the bedroom stage of dating someone (which can happen really quickly these days), both of you need to talk openly about any sexual history that may have put you at risk for HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases (STD). You need to make decisions such as whether not not you need an HIV test before jumping in the sack and whether you need to use protection against unintended pregnancy and against HIV and STDs (and make sure you know how to use it correctly).

Almost nobody wants to discuss these things, but as birdshell says, people need to pull themselves up by the mask (or boot or jock) straps and discuss these tough topics. Chlamydia (the most common STD and is often asymtomatic) is epidemic among teens and young adults, and can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease and sterility. Not to mention herpes, human papiloma virus, and HIV.

I guarantee if you make yourselves have those conversations, the conversation about using CPAP should be a breeze.

Janna

Snoredog · Post by **Snoredog** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:05 am

well right there is your problem, she was using your hose

blarg · Post by **blarg** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 3:22 am

The only reactions I've ever had have been positive. "If you sleeping with a machine means you'll be around longer, then I'm all for it." being the most recent.

zorrro13 · Post by **zorrro13** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:35 am

Birdshell you put it together magnificently.

Jefe · Post by **Jefe** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:50 am

I've posted this before, but as it's pertinant to the topic....

When I first got to the spending the night stage with (my now)fiance, she wouldn't even tell me about the CPAP. She would put on a breatheright, and joke about her snoring, and then wake up with a crushing headache. I thought she was allergic to me!

One morning, I dropped my cell phone, and it slid under her bed. When I went down there, I saw lights. I asked her what it was, and she broke down & told me. She then offered to sleep without it if it bothered me.

I just asked "Will this stop your headaches?" When she said yes, I became enforcer of the mask. I made sure it was on every night I was with her. I called her before bed when I wasn't. 6 months later, she told me I needed a sleep study. I got one, and a CPAP of my own. Just last night, she woke me from a nap to make me put on my mask.

CPAP is just another thing we have in common now, but If I didn't need mine, I'd still make sure she wore hers. Her health is important to me, as mine is to her. If you're going to spend the rest of your life together, what's a hose or 2 between you?

As for the girl who insulted your machine, she obviously didn't much care for you or your health. What she said was below the belt, and wrong. You're better off rid of her.

And jennmary, if you're ever going to live with this person, they're going to HAVE to know about your machine. Let him know. When he finds out how much better it makes you feel in the morning, I'm sure he'll accept it.

SisterShotgun · Post by **SisterShotgun** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 8:00 am

10 years ago I dated a man who was using a BiPAP, on our first date he told me that he has sleep apnea and has to use a machine to help him breathe at night. He then asked if that bothered me any, I told him no, not at all. He and I dated for a few years, but for other reasons it didn't work out between us.

Fast forward, I got married last year, and after I was diagnosed with OSA my husband has been so supportive of the CPAP. He is retired Navy and flew in P-3's so he told me he can easily get used to sleeping next to someone with a mask on

zorrro13 · Post by **zorrro13** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 8:43 am

I remember when i was a teenager (45 now) my GF of 2 days wouldn't take her jeans off cause she said she had a huge pimple on her ass. i thought it was an excuse and after a lot of genuine affection, concern and love displayed by me she gave in but she was right it was a HUGE pimple !but still just a pimple. dont need to explain the morale except to say we are all different. Doug you are totally right in what you say and Jen so you missed a night or 2, Dont feel 2 bad, I did way more than that. All of you are only human. Except me i am MACHINE MAN

echo · Post by **echo** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 8:56 am

Now you have the best pick up line in the world man!

...saunters up to cute looking girl at a bar: Hi there cutie, ya ever done it with a MACHINE MAN before? It'll BLOW you AWAY

SleepingBeauty · Post by **SleepingBeauty** » Mon Aug 06, 2007 10:52 am

As Birdshell stated, CPAP is a wonderful screening mechanism.

I was engaged to a man who told me I was holding my breath at night. I had no idea I was doing so. That prompted me to start on the path of investigation and a few months later (due to my frustrating insurance approvals) I became a member of the hosehead society.

Even though my fiance was the one who alerted me in the first place, my machine seemed to really really bother him. When we would travel, he would always ask "Are you going to bring 'that thing' with us?" He was no where near as supportive as I would have liked and deserved.

So, the lack of accepting my machine, coupled with a few other factors, helped me to make the decision that this was not the man I thought he was and I certainly did not want to spend the remainder of my life with him.

CPAP is certainly a good screening device. If a significant other can't handle that, they are not equipped to handle the really big things in life.

JZ · Post by JZ » Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:50 pm

[quote="jennmary"][quote="JZ"]Gosh, I hate to be a wet blanket, but by the time you get to the bedroom stage of dating someone (which can happen really quickly these days), both of you need to talk openly about any sexual history that may have put you at risk for HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases (STD). You need to make decisions such as whether not not you need an HIV test before jumping in the sack and whether you need to use protection against unintended pregnancy and against HIV and STDs (and make sure you know how to use it correctly).

Almost nobody wants to discuss these things, but as birdshell says, people need to pull themselves up by the mask (or boot or jock) straps and discuss these tough topics. Chlamydia (the most common STD and is often asymtomatic) is epidemic among teens and young adults, and can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease and sterility. Not to mention herpes, human papiloma virus, and HIV.

I guarantee if you make yourselves have those conversations, the conversation about using CPAP should be a breeze.

Janna

t-bone · Post by **t-bone** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 9:16 am

While I've never married, I've dated a series of women over the years (I consider myself "serially monogamous"). I had a girlfriend when I started CPAP less than a year ago. She was in favor of me using the machine, as she realized that if my health went to h*#%, I wouldn't be around for her to enjoy (she has her own health challenges, as do many of us).

She was (in good humor, I think) envious of my machine, and that I ALWAYS slept with it, but did not always sleep with her. She called my machine Lucy. I won't go into the supposed capabilities Lucy had for all night long performance...

I broke up with her a couple months ago, and she mentioned something related to my machine that I didn't record and don't remember. I took it as part of the natural breakup diatribes and let it go.

Most of my friends know I'm a hosehead, and I'm not bashful about saying so to new folks IF AND ONLY IF the conversation goes that way in some manner. I don't simply yell to the world that I'm a hosehead, but I don't go out of my way to deny it, either. It is what it is--just as some deal with Diabetes or MS or other conditions, and let folks know as appropriate.

When I'm ready to date again, the person I date will know early on that I am a CPAP person. If she can't handle that, well, I'd just have to keep looking.

And she also won't tell me to get rid of my cats. The last thing a prospective dating partner would tell me is, "They go, or I go." The cats would toss her out the door.

___H · Post by **___H** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 9:38 am

wintersweet wrote:I guess I was lucky in that it was diagnosed after we were married, so no worries there.

...

I have the same story.

My wife is all for me not checking out in my sleep and is very supportive.

Babette · Post by **Babette** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:38 am

zorrro13 wrote:I would like to hear other peoples experience with the opposite sex and how and if they adjusted to dating a hosehead. It took me a year to tell someone that i sleep with a machine. she had no trouble adjusting at all however we split recently and her paring words were " f off then machine man" anyone got any good, bad,funny stories?

You know, I've said some really crummy words when I've been torked. I think she just instinctively hit the below the belt button - humans are very good at quickly doing that. If you caught her a year from now, she'd probably be ashamed of that comment.

I've got a post on another thread about my ex-boyfriend who was a hosehead. I broke up with him after I accepted his machine, and his health problems (they didn't bother me, I cared about him, and wanted the best for him) but when I began having health problems, he shut down and withdrew from me completely and could not offer me any sympathy or support. I saw him last week after 5 years, and mentioned I was on CPAP now, Again, he completely shut down and changed the subject.

I think anyone who couldn't offer me sympathy and support for my medical problems certainly isn't someone I'd bother to share my bed with. One night at the Motel 6 maybe, but I definitely wouldn't give him my real name or phone number.

I'm old now, and been around the block. I have my own residence, and support myself. Men are salad dressing to me these days. If they want to spend time with me, I demand they share more than sexual chemistry with me. And that includes caring about my physical health. If they can't do that, why waste time on them?

I hope you can feel the same way about any future partners. If they don't CARE enough about your health to accept your machine, and support your therapy, don't give them your real name or phone number, and make sure you slip out of the motel room before they wake up.

Good luck!
B.

opposite sex and cpap

Re: opposite sex and cpap

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Re: opposite sex and cpap

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