CPAP Through The Ages

Since the dawn of man snoring has been both a boon and a curse to our civilization. The lack of sleep, caused by booming snores echoing throughout the cave, made us cranky enough to bring down even the biggest of Mastodons. It wasn’t until the introduction of CPAP therapy that we could emerge from the brain fog and realize that caves were really lousy places to live in. The prehistoric cave drawing depicting a pig strapped to the face of caveman gives us our first clue to how we were able to take our fist steps into the daylight.

This therapy was later refined by the Egyptians as evidenced by the pig bladders discovered in the Pharaoh’s tombs. When first discovered they originally thought to be the precursors of modern day footballs. However, with the discovery of the Dead Tired scrolls in the 1920’s, we found that combined with lengths of pig intestines that slaves jumped on them to provide the ruling class their nightly blows. Somehow this wisdom of the Pharaohs was once again lost in the sands of time. Giving way to the infamous Cranky Age where many civilizations rose and fell in search of the perfect night’s sleep.

It wasn’t until Medieval times and the formation of the Spanish Torquemada Mask Company did the CPAP re-emerge into common day medical practice. This was the heyday of mask development where new materials such as cast iron and wet leather were introduced. Unfortunately, their custom fitting with hot pokers while the masks were being worn, as well as their controversial use of water instead of air decreased the popularity of this vital therapy. However, they did establish the basic tenets of mask design and their legacy is clearly evident in our modern day masks.

It wasn’t until the Renaissance that attempts were made to bring un-interrupted slumber to the common man. DaVinci’s drawings are often mistaken as those of flying machines when in reality they were intended as giant fans to deliver a constant air flow. This air would be collected in funnels connected to a network of hoses running to bedrooms throughout the town. The famous tower in Pisa was intended to be a central distribution point for this new approach. It is said all was going well until half the town rolled over.

Luckily for us the inventiveness of man cannot be constrained. The water driven CPAP gave way to the horse driven CPAP (some of which can even been seen today dotting the scenery in Amish country). The industrial revolution brought us the gas powered horseless CPAP and the introduction of electricity meant we could even bring them into our bedrooms. When you think about the squealing pigs, bouncing slaves and city block sized behemoths our forefathers had to deal with one can only be thankful for our modern day advances and give our trusty CPAPs a pat as we head off to sleep.

Mike, you're awesome Thanks - I needed that!

Mike,

You are like a young Mel Brooks. Did you ever think of trying to write a screen play? Every time I read one of your stories, I can't imagine where the ideas and the actual construction of it came from. You are mind-blowing. Maybe we could use you as a CPAP machine!!! Oh, no. We're not supposed to have air blowing in our minds, just our noses...never mind.

mikemoran wrote: The prehistoric cave drawing depicting a pig strapped to the face of caveman gives us our first clue to how we were able to take our fist steps into the daylight.

I'm gonna try this one on my next camping trip!

It should work quite well I would think. Many therorize that modern day mask makers build in squealing leaks just to appeal to our ancestral roots.

So am I to understand from this informative post that the Oxen driven CPAP my DME assured me was "State of the art" with its dual sheep bladder compression chambers, cow intestine hose and the full rawhide facemask could have possibly been old stock he had been hiding in the back room and not brand new?

I thought the sheep bladders with Pee-Flex where bleating edge?

_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose, CPAP, DME

Grab,

You need to replace that DME immediately. Everyone knows that the Oxen driven units were replaced by turbo drive hamster wheels in the late sixties.

I thought the sheep bladders with Pee-Flex were bleating edge?

lol
Very clever, you punster, you!

Mike,

I was quite sure when doing my own in depth research that the reason cave dwellers kept going after mastodons was to capture them then train them to use their trunks for applied MastoPAP therapy.

The reason why some Mastodons were killed was because they misbehaved during or after this training (or resisted capture). The Cave guys just didn't have the refined techiques of later ages.


Re MastoPAP therapy, research shows that ...

MastoPhagia was a serious side effect.

MastoMarks on one's face also became a problem.

Mask leaks didn't show up as that much of a problem to cave dwellers when compared to the effects of Mastodon leaks.

Just wanted to put the record straight

DSM

(xPAP researcher)

PS Love your stories

in your history! which by the way was very enjoyable, particularly the Torquemada mask-designers. Of course there is always the Chinese water torture of 'rain-out' to whet (or wet) our appetites.

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