quick intro
My name is Seth, and I am a 23. I've been told that I have had severe obstructive sleep apnea for, forever and a day. However, I was diagnosed just under a year ago, and have been using a bi-pap machine for about 6-8 months. It was rough at first, as we all know, but I have learned to appreciate it. I haven't experienced the drastic change of life that many have had, but I regret it when I do not use my machine. (I'v e named her "gina", I don't know why. . . it makes me feel less awkward if I have a name for her)
I live with 2 roommates, and being 23 enjoy a very social life. Most nights wind-up with friends coming over, to finish scoializing in the living room. I fall asleep. No surprise. I fight them, argue with them, become violent, and people end up leaving. Everyone else is socializing, why shouldn't I? Aside from a clogged nose, every once and a while, I have no issues with "gina", why don't I want to sleep? Why do I resent sleep? I do. Some nights I will just stay up, alone, because I don't want to sleep. I end up crashing in the middle of what I'm doing, and waking up shortly after . . . and getting ready for work the next morning. My concern is social settings.
Please help me. I don't know what to do. My friends resent me, I understand the inconvenience of having someone gasping for air on the livingroom couch while your talking. But it's not on purpose, I have tried. . . they don't understand. I sat in my room and cried this morning when everyone woke up,because I remembered what happened the night before. I have a mask, this is supposed to be the solution. Why isn't it helping?
afraid of sleep??
4 posts
• Page 1 of 1
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masked_insomniac
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:38 am
- Location: Ft Laudewrdale, FL
afraid of sleep??
"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake."
--Chuck Palahniuk
If only he knew about sleep apnea.
--Chuck Palahniuk
If only he knew about sleep apnea.
Hi Seth,
I'm not exactly sure how to help you except to say that I'm here listening and I care. I think we all struggle with our OSA demons...yours seems to be a fear of sleeping. I don't quite understand why you become violent and fight with your friends but I think I understand your fear. I have trouble facing sleep too. For me, I think I'm afraid of what might happen...will I have trouble with my mask...will I get enough sleep...will I ever feel like a normal person (whatever normal is). I'm mostly afraid that I won't get enough sleep and will be tired the next day which is stupid because if I would just go to sleep, I'll feel fine the next day.
Anyway, I hope it helps to know that people do care about you and feel badly that you're so distressed. I think you should consider talking to a doctor or therapist about this problem...because it is a problem...it's interferring with your life and that's not good. You could alway start with your sleep doctor or your general practitioner and see what they would advise. I think you need to get to the root of why you fear sleeping and then work with somebody to conquer the fear. You said that you're doing ok with your mask and machine now so something else is going on and you need to find out what that is.
Stay strong!!! Amy
I'm not exactly sure how to help you except to say that I'm here listening and I care. I think we all struggle with our OSA demons...yours seems to be a fear of sleeping. I don't quite understand why you become violent and fight with your friends but I think I understand your fear. I have trouble facing sleep too. For me, I think I'm afraid of what might happen...will I have trouble with my mask...will I get enough sleep...will I ever feel like a normal person (whatever normal is). I'm mostly afraid that I won't get enough sleep and will be tired the next day which is stupid because if I would just go to sleep, I'll feel fine the next day.
Anyway, I hope it helps to know that people do care about you and feel badly that you're so distressed. I think you should consider talking to a doctor or therapist about this problem...because it is a problem...it's interferring with your life and that's not good. You could alway start with your sleep doctor or your general practitioner and see what they would advise. I think you need to get to the root of why you fear sleeping and then work with somebody to conquer the fear. You said that you're doing ok with your mask and machine now so something else is going on and you need to find out what that is.
Stay strong!!! Amy
Its good to know I'm not the only 1 my age that struggles with OSA. I catch myself very depressed and downright angered @ having this horrible disorder. Why can't I just be a "normal" 23 yr old? Granted, OSA has given me a great appreciation for the life that it could take from me any minute @ night... Just seems so unfair sometimes.
Doesn't this show that docs should not only treat the physical damage OSA creates, but also the emotional as well?
Doesn't this show that docs should not only treat the physical damage OSA creates, but also the emotional as well?
Sleep: Did I ever know you?
Soccer: The beautiful game.
2006 Advertising Graduate: Any1 got a job?!
Soccer: The beautiful game.
2006 Advertising Graduate: Any1 got a job?!
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Sleepless on LI
- Posts: 3997
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 6:46 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Two great replies, Amy & Swordz.
Seth. First of all, hi. Welcome to our little home away from home where the most wonderful people are here to help you, offer advice and just be there to listen when you need to vent.
Having said that, Yawn (Amy) said a lot of true things, so I won't reiterate them. But then when I read Swordz' comments, I said, "Wow, if that doesn't say it all."
Do you think you are angry and resentful that you are not, as Swordz put it, a "normal 23 year old"? Don't get me wrong. Having been diagnosed with OSA doesn't make YOU abnormal. It just means you have an afflication that not everyone your age has, or has been diagnosed as having as of yet. I think maybe your "fear" of sleeping could have a lot to do with your resentment at the fact that your friends are not suffering with the nightly chore of hooking up to Gina and having that "abnormal" way that you must sleep to feel well.
I won't go through all the "Be thankful for a treatable illness that can and will improve your qualiity of life" because I have a 22 year old son, and if he were in your shoes, he'd say some things to that that I wouldn't post on these boards. But at your age, how can you help but feel resentful at the fact that your friends don't deal with the tremendous inconvenience and burden that you are now forced to deal with EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
What I'm trying to say in my own fumbled way is, maybe it's not a fear of sleeping, but a form of depression over the fact that you were diagnosed with OSA and have to endure what you have to endure as a result. Just know that no matter what age we are when we are diagnosed with it, it still makes us all feel that way at one time or another, whether it's when we first get diagnosd or after we see what's involved with the treatment, etc. My first "depression" came once I started treatment. When I was first diagnosed, I felt truly vindicated. I finally could explain why I couldn't get off the couch to exercise and never felt like doing anything anymore because I was just too damn tired all the time. It explained why I never slept through the night in years, why my BP was elevated, why I complained of daily headaches that I would wake up with. Man, I was a happy camper. Now everyone would know that I wasn't a hypochondriac.
Then I started treatment and realized, "Hey, this is the rest of my life. This is so unfair!" I used to love to go to sleep, curl up on my side and that was it. But now the only way I would ever get my productive sleep back would be with a hose and a mask attached to my face. How could that be fair?
So just relax, realize you are SO not alone and that every person on this site understands what you're going through. And maybe, just maybe, if you can relate to what I'm saying and can come to terms with why you are feeling this way, eventually you will feel better. I think it's okay to cry over this. It's a horrible thing to be diagnosed with anything, especially something that will affect the rest of your life, when you're only 23. But if you read the posts on this web site and how it can give you your life back by giving you back your energy level and taking away other afflications that OSA can cause, you'll realize it was a blessing that you were diagnosed at an early age and you were given the chance to live a long and healthy life.
I hope this has given you at least some comfort. We are all here, listening and supporting you. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
_________________
CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose
Seth. First of all, hi. Welcome to our little home away from home where the most wonderful people are here to help you, offer advice and just be there to listen when you need to vent.
Having said that, Yawn (Amy) said a lot of true things, so I won't reiterate them. But then when I read Swordz' comments, I said, "Wow, if that doesn't say it all."
Do you think you are angry and resentful that you are not, as Swordz put it, a "normal 23 year old"? Don't get me wrong. Having been diagnosed with OSA doesn't make YOU abnormal. It just means you have an afflication that not everyone your age has, or has been diagnosed as having as of yet. I think maybe your "fear" of sleeping could have a lot to do with your resentment at the fact that your friends are not suffering with the nightly chore of hooking up to Gina and having that "abnormal" way that you must sleep to feel well.
I won't go through all the "Be thankful for a treatable illness that can and will improve your qualiity of life" because I have a 22 year old son, and if he were in your shoes, he'd say some things to that that I wouldn't post on these boards. But at your age, how can you help but feel resentful at the fact that your friends don't deal with the tremendous inconvenience and burden that you are now forced to deal with EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
What I'm trying to say in my own fumbled way is, maybe it's not a fear of sleeping, but a form of depression over the fact that you were diagnosed with OSA and have to endure what you have to endure as a result. Just know that no matter what age we are when we are diagnosed with it, it still makes us all feel that way at one time or another, whether it's when we first get diagnosd or after we see what's involved with the treatment, etc. My first "depression" came once I started treatment. When I was first diagnosed, I felt truly vindicated. I finally could explain why I couldn't get off the couch to exercise and never felt like doing anything anymore because I was just too damn tired all the time. It explained why I never slept through the night in years, why my BP was elevated, why I complained of daily headaches that I would wake up with. Man, I was a happy camper. Now everyone would know that I wasn't a hypochondriac.
Then I started treatment and realized, "Hey, this is the rest of my life. This is so unfair!" I used to love to go to sleep, curl up on my side and that was it. But now the only way I would ever get my productive sleep back would be with a hose and a mask attached to my face. How could that be fair?
So just relax, realize you are SO not alone and that every person on this site understands what you're going through. And maybe, just maybe, if you can relate to what I'm saying and can come to terms with why you are feeling this way, eventually you will feel better. I think it's okay to cry over this. It's a horrible thing to be diagnosed with anything, especially something that will affect the rest of your life, when you're only 23. But if you read the posts on this web site and how it can give you your life back by giving you back your energy level and taking away other afflications that OSA can cause, you'll realize it was a blessing that you were diagnosed at an early age and you were given the chance to live a long and healthy life.
I hope this has given you at least some comfort. We are all here, listening and supporting you. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
_________________
CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose
L o R i
4 posts
• Page 1 of 1