Nurse & Dr. Humor -- HMO Q&A

HMO Questions & Answers

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots
go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered
that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he
was poked hard enough in the eye. Modern practice replaces the
physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail
and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor
I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating
in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors
basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting
new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part
of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the
plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away.

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically-challenged when they
want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be
pre-stuck with it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap.
My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd
already paid my bill. What should I do?
A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check
over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of
those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill
farms or frog hatcheries.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant
right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment,
there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Author Unknown

More TRUTH than Humor ?? BERT

WAITING ROOM HUMOR

"Hello. I'm here for my appointment with the dermatologist."
"Please be seated. I'll call you when Dr. Kristoph is ready."
"Well, I am five minutes early, so I guess I'll wait."
Fifteen minutes later...
"Excuse me. I had an appointment with Dr. Kristoph ten minutes ago. Is
everything alright?
"Oh yes, very much. Please have a seat."
"OK, I'll just go scratch my itchy spot in the corner over there."
Fifteen minutes later...
"Sorry to bother you again, but I had an appointment at 2:00 with Dr. Kristoph.
That was 25 minutes ago and I am still itching ... I mean, waiting. Is everything
alright? Did he have to rush someone to the hospital for an emergency
pimple-popping?"
"Not at all. The doctor is a very busy man. He is seeing his 1:30 appointment
right now. You are next after Mrs. Weatherall..."
"Oh good. Because this itching is really getting to be..."
"...who is next after Mr. Barclay, who is right after Mrs. Cartright, after Madam
Bisbee after little Michael over there. The doctor will see you soon after them if
he has a moment."
"Oh, he'll see me all right. With all this scratching, I'll be as bright red as a neon
sign in a deep, dark forest."
Fifteen minutes later...
"Pardon me. I don't mean to be impolite, but I had an appointment with Dr.
Kristoff 40 minutes ago. If there was no emergency, why was I booked at 2:00
instead of 2:40?"
"Dr. Kristoff likes to keep his waiting room full. It's good for business, you know."
"How is a glowing red itchy person in his waiting room good for business? Are
you planning to prop me up outside your window to advertise your outstanding
patient care?"
"Please have a seat."
Fifteen minutes later...
"OK, it has now been an hour, and there are still patients ahead of me. I made
an appointment to meet Dr. Kristoff, not decorate his waiting room in
post-modern-human-agony-experimentalism. My time is valuable, you know."
"I'm sure it is. But the doctor always books people early in case they arrive a
little late. Or in case they are not sick enough. Or in case..."
"They die in the waiting room?"
"...they just don't show up. The doctor is a very busy man who bills by the
hour, you know. He really can't afford to accidentally have a hole in his
schedule."
"Not that it's any of my business, but he doesn't get many second dates, does
he?"
"Fifteen minutes later...
"Hello. I'm here from the tax department. Did you know it's a federal offence to
keep a tax officer waiting?
"Are you really from the tax department?"
"No, but would I get to see the doctor if I was?"
"I didn't think you were from the tax department. You look just like that pesky
little man with the glowing red skin who seems to think his time is as valuable as
his doctor's."
"Yeah, I guess that's me."
Fifteen minutes later...
"Hey you. You with the glow-in-the-dark skin. The doctor will see you now."
"Please, I am way to busy to bend my schedule on his account. I am writing up
a bill for him."
"A bill?"
"For my consulting fees. Let me read it to you. 'Arrived on schedule at the time
your staff arranged for your convenience. Was requested by your staff to remain
in your waiting room for one-and-a-half-hours. At my hourly consulting rate of
$500, that comes to $750, please.' I take cash."
"You can't bill a doctor. Just who do you think you are?"
"A plumber. And I don't keep my clients waiting."

LOL, Bert! Those were good!!

rested gal wrote:LOL, Bert! Those were good!!

IF you look in a mirror after putting your mask on ALL thats left is HUMOR!

Bert
I also live with a Nurse so that type of joke flow many days many from the Doctors!

Q: What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation?
A: Whatever you do, don't go into the light.

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: What do the letters "DNA" stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

Did you know that if all of the smokers
were laid end-to-end around the world,
three-quarters of them would drown?

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"




A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A man walks into the Dr office, he tells the recepionist, " I have shingles,
may I speak to the doctor?'
" Do you have an appointment"? "No", he replies
she says " well wait and I will try to get you in to see him"
time goes by.....and more time.
finally the recepionist takes him to a room and orders him to strip, and wait for the doc.
So he sits and waits, finally the doc comes in.
He says " I have shingles
" where are they" the doc asks.
the man replies" out on my truck"