A weighty problem

SnoreNoMore2005 · Post by **SnoreNoMore2005** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:28 pm

I'm thinking a high percentage of the people with OSA happen to be overweight... but that's not exactly why I'm writing. I'm actually looking for advice from people who are struggling with weight problems.

My 44 year old sister-in-law's husband divorced her about about a year ago. My sister-in-law was a little bit on the heavy side but nothing major. However, since her divorce, she has slowly become what only could be described as morbidly obese... and she's still growing. She moved back in with my wife's elderly parents and won't talk about her divorce, her weight, her emotions, or anything of substance. She will not get professonial help. She is also very sedentary and never exercises.

The whole family is sick about her growing weight problem, but nobody knows what to do or say to help her. We're all concerned about her health both physically and emotionally but don't want to nag. Any help from anyone who has gone through a similar experience or with a family member would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry to depart from the normal OSA help line but I know the people in this forum are most supportive and caring.

SnoreNoMore2005

Sleeper · Post by **Sleeper** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:55 pm

Boy, I think a lot of us have either been in that boat ourselves or have known someone who has....

Unfortunately, it has to be her choice...IMHO she needs to make the decision to change her life, and NOBODY can do it for her. She sounds like she's completely submerged in her own misery, and there are probably a million different steps she could take to help edge herself out...all of which would be acts of free will such as going for a walk, joining a gym, seeing a counselor, going back to school, changing jobs...whatever it is, it begins with making new choices.

It's so great that her family wants to help her. I think the important thing is for everyone to just stay involved, just care for her and do things with her, make her feel loved... make plans with her, be a friend... I'm not an expert, but I think that she WILL open up eventually, because no one wants to be miserable forever.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:15 pm

It is possible she is suffering from clinical depression and is no longer capable of making the decisions which would be best for her health. To save her, you may need to confront her and bring her to a doctor, whether she wants to go or not. I would suggest your wife and her parents make an appointment for her with a psychologist or psychiatrist (or other mental health professional) as soon as possible. They would need to go too, at least for the initial visit, in order to answer questions regarding your sister-in-law's current behavior and lifestyle; questions your sister-in-law may be unable or unwilling to answer truthfully.

Colorado Jan · Post by **Colorado Jan** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 10:03 pm

An intervention perhaps? All get together with her...reassure her of your love and good intentions....and then tell her she has to get a grip? then provide her with a game plan?

We've had to do that with several of our friends lately. One woman was drinking excessively after her teenage son was diagnosed with cancer. She thought she was being subtle and no one knew how many drinks she had on a daily basis. A couple of other were more along the lines of what you described...women who had been divorced by their husbands and were suffering from low self-esteem and needed a boost.

Just a thought.

Jan in Colo.

SnoreNoMore2005 · Post by **SnoreNoMore2005** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 8:53 pm

Thank you all for your reply. They have ranged from what I expected, "Butt out, she has to make the decision to help herself" to the unexpected, "stage an intervention to get her help".

We want to help her without alienating her. I definitely think she has low self-esteem.

I wish I knew which is the right direction to go with her. Any additional advice from those of you who have been there would be much appreciated.

Thanks again,

SnoreNoMore2005

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 11:11 pm

SNM,

I think that only those of you that are close to her could know how to approach her. Would something like "We're really worried about your health......" work? This seems a little unusual to me. Most of the people (that I've known) that get divorced LOSE weight. You might be dealing with some sort of "clinical depression" (with her) and may want to consult with a professional before talking to her.

Good luck,

Den

Colorado Jan · Post by **Colorado Jan** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:30 am

Well, I've got two friends who were somewhat recently dumped by their husbands. They immediately went out and got tummy tucks....and then gained 40 pounds or more. A lot of us EAT when we are stressed out.

Fortunately I've not been in their position....but I do know that's exactly what would happen to me at first anyway. Because I am a stress eater. But after I got myself settled down...dieting is a LOT easier when you are alone. Very hard to do with a husband and/or family. My skinny husband can always tell if we are eating a Weight Watcher recipe, darn him.

Back to divorces...you've got to realize that often there is a lot of mental abuse that goes on prior to a divorce. That and the public nature of the split can really destroy a gal's self-esteem. One friend's husband repeatedly told her she was fat and ugly (not true), was a horrible housekeeper (not quite true, lol), blah, blah, blah. Once he decided he was through with the marriage he just lashed out repeatedly at her and left her destroyed...

Jan in Colo.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 5:40 pm

Does anyone know of a good weight loss forum that is active like this one?