Reaching out to others you suspect: What worked for you?

RosemaryB · Post by **RosemaryB** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 7:39 pm

What about accosting strangers and others who are snoring? Today I was in a bookstore and was looking at books (about sleep, what else?) and a guy in an adjacent chair was snoring. I really debated about waking him up and telling him about sleep apnea, but just could not think about how to do it.

However, I do have a growing number of people on my list that I want to approach with this information. Some are people I work with who I am sure have some kind of sleep problem. Other I suspect. I talked to one of them today and I think he may go home and think about it.

I've also convinced, or nearly convinced 3 members of my family to get checked. It may take some followup "reminding" aka nagging, but I'm willing to do that. The man I'm dating finally got checked and now uses a CPAP, but this was after months of pressure and nagging, which I really don't like to do. At the time I was unaware that I had it, since I don't snore or fit the profile in other ways. Now that I better understand this it feels like everywhere I look I'm seeing sleepy looking people that, IMNSHO (not so humble) opinion, need to get tested.

The important thing is to be effective, and I really don't know how to do that. So, I'm wondering what others have found to be effective. I'd love to hear your stories about what worked to get others tested. I think I can harrass/nag family members into doing it, as I've done that before with health concerns, but this doesn't work with acquaintances. I'm sure there are others who have done this with family, friends and acquaintances.

Rose

meister · Post by **meister** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:03 pm

There are people out there who need help with alcohol, drugs, losing
weight, managing finances, etc. Hopefully a statement from a total
stranger may jolt them into getting some help. However, some folks
may tell you to go jump in the lake!

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:19 pm

I understand - sometimes I feel the same way. If I can "create" an opportunity I do. If not, or if I don't feel compelled, I figure this one was someone else's responsibility to reach, not mine. The best tool you have is your own story. Let's write a similar bookstore scene...

You manage to be very nearby when he awakens. Smile and say, "Nice nap?" He mumbles something. You say, "I used to could sleep anywhere anytime before I was treated for sleep apnea." End of story.

Most strangers won't have time nor inclination to hear everything we wish they could know. Some will continue the conversation. If not, you've planted the seed.

Good news is hard to keep to oneself, isn't it!

Kathy

gasp · Post by **gasp** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 1:17 pm

I agree with you Kathy that "the best tool you have is your own story."

I'd go a bit further with that though and ask what is at the core of wanting to share the apnea experience with others?

It may be caring about others and not wanting them to suffer. In that case, it's rare that a genuine message of care or concern would be rebuffed unless they have strong defense mechanisms or a strong sense of personal space.

Therefore I'd start with your care/concern and then your personal story. Perhaps a message such as, "I saw you napping and wondered if you were breathing well?" If the person is receptive you could then go on with your brief personal story.

SleepingBeauty · Post by **SleepingBeauty** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:11 pm

I play dirty. I figure out what would be a compelling reason for the person I want to inform, and use it on them!

My niece, who is 21, and was starting to gain weight. She was very sensitive about it. Her mom, my sister, and I had discussed her possible apnea with her, but she didn't really react. I really pushed on my sis to get her in for a sleep test. At 21, in college, she was just "too busy" to deal with us. Finally, during a get together, I casually mentioned that apnea can make you gain weight - or at least hinder you losing it. (explained the cortisol connection) That got her attention! She's been approved for the sleep test and is now eager to go to it.

For the young guy at the office, (he's the one I posted about last week that finally agreed to go) I had given him all the info, told him my story, and he still didn't call for the appointment. After having a very bad night over the weekend, he said he was ready to call, but then he still didn't do it during the day. As we were leaving work that night, we talked briefly about the things he's going to avoid in his future by getting treatment. Just to make sure he didn't change his mind (I can't belive I'm admitting this!) I told him if he didn't get treatment, "Mr. Happy" may not always be so "happy" You should have seen his face! It was priceless. THAT'S when he dialed the doc. lol

So, in addition to telling your own story, sometimes you have to know your audience and figure out what will move them to action.

This isn't advice for strangers that you see sleeping in the bookstore though!

hornplayer · Post by **hornplayer** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 3:02 pm

I guess if you had a little"CPAP Tract" you could drop it in the person's lap and never have to wake them up!

Seriously, I'd love to hear more stories about how to approach people about getting treatment. I got my brother to get treatment earlier this year and couldn't be happier about it. But, it was hard bringing up the subject. I have two other friends who definitely should be tested,but I don't want them to think I'm meddling.

blowfish · Post by **blowfish** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 3:17 pm

Mile High Sleeper · Post by **Mile High Sleeper** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:06 pm

Ditto on telling your own story and finding a compelling reason.

With one of my friends, all I had to do was mention one of my symptoms. He had the same symptom and that was enough for his to get a sleep test. Then he told his brother who got a sleep test. To see a list of symptoms, more comprehensive than the short lists often found on web sites, see the light bulb/our collective wisdom, Get Started section, article on Evaluating Your Sleep. That article links and mentions a quiz from Sleep Apnea, Phantom of the Night. It's the best assessment piece I've ever seen.

Another friend just needed an article. Some have successfully used dr bandage's Are You Sleeping with the Enemy? in the Awareness section of the light bulb.

With others, I just give them to link to cpaptalk.com and hope they follow up on it.

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:24 pm

How about the old plastic bag trick?

You tell 'em about the dangers of OSA and if they brush you off you quickly slip the plastic bag over their head for about a minute. Then you release them and when they look at you in absolute horror you tell 'em ... "now how would you like to have that done to 'ya 50 or 60 times an hour" (or if the OSA is real bad like mine about 100 times per hour) ... and before they have a chance to speak remind them ... "every night, all night long, while yur asleep, and there is no body around to help 'ya". That should startle them into thinking about it

On a serious note though, I have been working on a couple of co-workers that complain about being tired and sleepy all the time. Of course, I always talk to my sisters about my experience whenever I go out of town to visit with them (unfortunately not very often). I think all you can do is make people aware of what OSA is and does and then when they are overcome with the symptoms they will recall your words and they will act accordingly instead of ignorantly.

roster · Post by **roster** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:35 pm

Try it at your own risk, but I wish some stranger had said to me 10 years ago, "Hey dumb a**, you have symptoms of someone suffering from sleep apnea".

I might have hurled an invective back, but my curiosity would have led me to find the truth years sooner.

RosemaryB · Post by **RosemaryB** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 6:10 pm

DreamStalker wrote:How about the old plastic bag trick?

You tell 'em about the dangers of OSA and if they brush you off you quickly slip the plastic bag over their head for about a minute. Then you release them and when they look at you in absolute horror you tell 'em ... "now how would you like to have that done to 'ya 50 or 60 times an hour" (or if the OSA is real bad like mine about 100 times per hour) ... and before they have a chance to speak remind them ... "every night, all night long, while yur asleep, and there is no body around to help 'ya". That should startle them into thinking about it

I used to be told frequently that I laughed in my sleep. If this story doesn't bring back those days, nothing will .

It might work though. . .

Kattitude · Post by **Kattitude** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 7:15 pm

I vote for the "Plastic Bag" trick. If that doesn't get their attention, nothing will. Way to go DreamStalker!

whatrdreamsmadeof · Post by **whatrdreamsmadeof** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 8:39 pm

Though I love my primary care Dr., she alway took the position that some people don't need alot of sleep. I use to work from 7am-3:00pm get home fix a quick micro meal for the kids, work from 6:00-2am. and start the process all over again. Until it all caught up with me. Even when I wasn't working 2 jobs, I'd get up after 3 hours of sleep, vacuum, do other household chores, and go to work. So I believe we must bring this up to those we think may benefit from treatment.
Dreamstalker's idea is a surefire way to get the point across, I love it, then put the "Dreamstalker breeze mask" on them under the bag and show them the difference.
Just my 2 cents:roll:

Reaching out to others you suspect: What worked for you?

Reaching out to others you suspect: What worked for you?

You are going to be one very busy bee

Telling others about apnea

Finding the Message

Planting the seed

reaching out

way to go

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