Strange New Mask.... Outside the Box

This is for techies and vacuum cleaner salespeople only.

Started thinking about the post I made regarding custom made face fitting masks and wondered if there was another way to Nirvana.

So, Techies - how much air does the average apniac need on inhalation?

Vacuum Cleaner Salespeople, wait for that answer. We're going to ask you how big a vacuum cleaner we need to suck up all that air.

Here is my off the wall theory regarding masks. And why not let your imagination run wild too! If you're going to dream with all those new found REMS and deltas make your nightime productive at least.

CPAP units seem to have evolved from vacuum cleaners. Some MD or was it a DME, was told by his spouse to clean the carpets. Clever little fellow had never done this before and put the hose on the wrong end! You have all heard the story haven't you? The CPAP unit was born!

The first one was called ElectroPAP. It was the same size as a vacuum cleaner and had the same hose but you needed a prescription and somebody's used car salesman brother in law to attache it to your face.

You could pay extra for the color of your choice but the insurance companies finally wouldn't go for it.

Eventually big business figured out they could make the whole thing smaller (except for the hoses - they didn't know how to deal with that part) and save a bundle on material and storage area space.

Competition crept in and they kept trying to save bucks by making the machine smaller and smaller to where we are today (want a different color- paint your own, paints are extra, not covered by insurance). The problem for us poor users is that the original concept is still the same. Blow hot, and now moist if you like, air at the sleepless bugger. Same old hose by the way, shortened it a little but thank heaven you can still get a long one if you like from army surplus.

Hell, you're not sleeping anyway so I can make this story as long as I want.

Here it is - let's put a MD and a DME in the same room with lots of carpets, one vacuum cleaner and TWO hoses. One likes to blow hot air and the other likes to suck the money from us. Get the idea!

Go back to the top of the page and let the Techie answer the question. Then think small, miniaturization in fact. Instead of just blowing large quantities of air in our face why not just have three very small tubes inserted in each nostril. One to blow air in, another to suck the air out and the third for the insurance company - they need to be part of this you know. They'll dispense the magic elixir helping to keep the airways open if tubes one and two start to bog down.

Stop mouth breathers, I know what you're thinking. Just do what your mom told you at the dinner table. Chew with your mouth shut! If you can do it with your food surely you can do it with plain old air. (Sorry RG)

So that's my three hose theory - you can go to bed now (yeah LDuyer, I mean you it's 4 am) - unless you have any better ideas on new improved air delivery systems.

Night night all!

Bob F

ROTFL!! Bob, you're a trip!

unclebob wrote: Go back to the top of the page and let the Techie answer the question. Then think small, miniaturization in fact. Instead of just blowing large quantities of air in our face why not just have three very small tubes inserted in each nostril. One to blow air in, another to suck the air out and the third for the insurance company - they need to be part of this you know. They'll dispense the magic elixir helping to keep the airways open if tubes one and two start to bog down.

Great idea Bob, but why 3 tubes in each nostril? You only need 3 tubes. One in the first nostril for air in, one in the other nostril for air out, and just to keep them happy, why not let the insurance company have a choice about which orifice to insert their tube in

OK, I blew it (pardon the pun) - should have known there would be no techies, vacuum cleaner salespeople or imaginative awake people browsing this forum anyway. Everybody's so damn worried about pollution they really don't care about clean purified air injection/extraction improvements when it comes to poor disabled apneacs like myself.

I am sooooo hurt! Verrrrry disappointed! Only had one constructive response and even he/she didn't have a difinitive recommendation as to where to shove the additional enhanced hose!

I have the horrible feeling that just because I presented my most sincere and very personal mask theory on April 1, it was not taken seriously. Well the joke's on you. Have now made plans to develop my new mask and market it worldwide!

AND - I intend to charge at least three times what it's worth, and many more times what it cost to make. So there! Don't try to suck up to me now - you BLEW your chance.

Don't even think about belated suggestions as to optimum hose insertion techniques or targets. I've got it all figured out!

Marketing will be a breeze by the way. I am going to hire all the unemployed and grovelling vacuum cleaner salespeople and turn them into tele-marketers.

Listen..... do you hear it? YESSSS it's your phone ringing. Yank that goofy looking appendage off your face so you can clearly enunciate your credit card number as the sale ends tonight at midnight!

Bob F

PS
Sorry LDuyer, guest or whatever your name is - it's 4 am and the sale's over