Spouses are very very important too.

I am a 43 yr old woman, who is on cpap for 11 mos now. I am feeling better since I got cpap and an very happy with what I get from it. Now to the post. I feel that this goes to alot of us, and our spouses who are on cpap. Some of you spouses are very very lucky. I am very very lucky. My husband is great with this treatment, he has been supportive and helpful, every step of the way. He never says a bad thing, and thinks the therapy is great. However, this post has brought some feelings that I have had to the surface. Feelings that I have been trying to hide and forget for a while. I cant help but wonder, what DOES my husband really think as I am sleeping there with my mask on. I wear a full face mask. I know before he used to lay there in the mornings and watch me sleep, as I did to him. I know I look scarey in my mask and thus certainly no romantic or any other nice ideas may come to his mind. This post is very important to those of us who feel good about the therapy. Have a supportive spouse, but yet, we are left questioning, and feeling sometimes vulnerable. But it certainly does bring some unmentioned feelings to the surface. Spouses are important to. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own therapy and may not give thought to whats really going on over on the other side of that bed. I mean really. I think that this is an important thread, or at least brings some important feelings to the surface. Thanks for letting me sound off. I love my husband, as I am sure you all do. I guess what I am saying is we need to take a step back, and consider whats going on in their minds and hearts for once. Supportive, and/or other, how are they really feel, what do they really think. Communication is the heart of soul of all great relationships, its certainly the heart of ours. I know he looks past it and all that, but I truly cant help but wonder what DOES he really think. He may say its alright, etc., is that what he was really thinking. Just some thoughts. Again, thanks for the sounding board.

I've often wondered what my husband thinks about the mask. I was also thinking about what I would think if he was the one who had to wear it. Would I be able to sleep next to him? Would the noise bother me? (Okay, the noise wouldn't be an issue because I don't like complete silence.) Would the fact that he's wearing a mask bother me? (Probably not, but I don't know that for a fact.)

Someone just asked him on Sunday if the mask and all that bothered him at all. He said he hasn't really even noticed anything. Granted, he falls asleep before me and I get up before him. (Not for any reason for any of this other than I like to read before I go to sleep and when the alarm goes off at 5 a.m., I really need to use the bathroom.)

It's a good thing he's not a light sleeper. Last night I woke up at 1:30 and had to use the bathroom. I unhooked the hose part from my mask (ComfortFull 2). Then I decided to just unhook the mask and took it off. When I came back to bed, I realized that part of the mask that is supposed to be stuck in the end of the hose wasn't there. Hmmm.. Where did it go? I had to turn on the light next to the bed in order to look on the floor. I looked everywhere. I didn't want to sleep with the mask and kept looking. For some reason, that piece of the hose was now attached to the headgear strap and hooked on the mask??? How or why it got there is a mystery to me. I'm thinking that perhaps I did it in my sleep as I was waking up to make the trip the bathroom?? Regardless, my husband never woke up. Neither did the dog (westie) or the cat.

Anyhow, I do feel very lucky to have a very understanding husband, cat and two dogs. (Although the westie is scared of the hose -- probably because I barked at her through the hose a few times. But at least I know she won't be chewing on it.)

Kimberly

We always thought it would be my hubby who had the sleep issues since it runs in his family. But after I was tested and found to have Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome and needing a cpap - he's never slept better in his life! He is just so thankful that I am sleeping better (he as well) that he does not care what I look like. Besides that - he is one of those nearsighted people and cannot see to find his glasses!

We've been married for almost 20 years, have two wonderful teens and this is just another part of our health that we deal with. He is a loving, romantic and wonderful husband! Truth be told, he is thankful I "only" have a sleep issue since breast cancer is in my family (my mom died when I was 16).

He likes to kid me by saying "you'd be out of luck if I didn't love ya so much!"

I'm just thankful for a wonderful husband and kids!

sleepinggoodfeelingood I agree spouses are important, and we need to consider them as well. It is not all about us, and we need to consider what they are going through.

Have you ever asked your spouse what he thinks when he sees you in a mask. It may not be as bad as you think, or the uncertainty of what you think may be going on in his mind.

I am not a good judge to give speciffics, because other then being on one for 6 days, that is the extent of the experience. It may all change in a month.

Initial reactions of my husband, will this help you? Now, how much will it cost? My husband is a heavy sleeper, he will not here the APAP. He never found my warm pjs romantic, LOL, so at least the mask will not be the end of the romantic picture. Cuddling I tell him I am already missing it and I am not hooked up. Yikes. (Hoping it will be comfortable to cuddle.)

If it was reversed, that would be a different story. I would not be able to sleep with the noise. Even with the 6 days, I wore earplugs, not that it helped. I wake up often and the noise was one extra thing I was tryng to block away from my brain. I do not like white noise, my brain processes each white noise in the house, and it sounds like I am getting bombarded with them. Since I am the user of the APAP, I can't escape the noise. Maybe I will get used to it. Maybe the fan in the attic that sounds like rain will drown out the APAP in a few months who knows, for the test it was an extra noise to deal with.

If the tables were reversed: The noise of the machine would be less then his snoring right now. (Earplugs would be a must.) The kids would not complain about his snoring. As for the mask, I do not thnk it will bother me.

If I had a bad expereince with a mask or something it would probably bother me.

Do we ever really know how we will react, until we are thrown into that position?

Hi sleepyred, it is all relative.

Thanks for a nice and humours post.

Somewhere I made a refrence to CPAP is a night thing, and glasses is a daytime thing.

sleepyred wrote:We always thought it would be my hubby who had the sleep issues since it runs in his family. But after I was tested and found to have Upper Airway Resistance Syndrome and needing a cpap - he's never slept better in his life! He is just so thankful that I am sleeping better (he as well) that he does not care what I look like. Besides that - he is one of those nearsighted people and cannot see to find his glasses!

We've been married for almost 20 years, have two wonderful teens and this is just another part of our health that we deal with. He is a loving, romantic and wonderful husband! Truth be told, he is thankful I "only" have a sleep issue since breast cancer is in my family (my mom died when I was 16).

He likes to kid me by saying "you'd be out of luck if I didn't love ya so much!"

I'm just thankful for a wonderful husband and kids!

Ladys -

I think that in general, women in our culture worry a lot about how they look and if they are loved, adored, etc ... at least more so than men, in general.

If you really know your husband, then you will know whether or not he is being sincere about his feelings and/or comments towards you. In other words, if you don't trust what he says about your PAP treatment, then how can you possibly trust him about anything he says ... and if you are truely doubting what he says, there is likely other underlying doubts you have about him too.

Just my 2 cents form the other side of the gender fence.

- roberto

Have you ever looked at some young loving couple with all the good looks and healthy bodies and then see a couple 30 or 40 years later with all the bags and sags and dentures and toupees?

Do you notice that the love and devotion between people with all these changes do not depend on the things that once was so appealing?

Anyone who has a spouse who is turned off with PAP or the other items evidently did a very poor job of selecting a spouse in the first place.

Same for dating. If they are turend off, roll him/her out of bed and start over.

tomjax wrote:Anyone who has a spouse who is turned off with PAP or the other items evidently did a very poor job of selecting a spouse in the first place.

tomjax, you took the words right out of my mouth. If the mere sight of your spouse in the mask hooked up to the machine sends you running from the bedroom in fear and disgust, then you might as just keep running right out the front door.

There are a lot worse things. What if your spouse has a stroke, is permanently paralyzed on one side, has drool dripping out of the corner of his mouth for the rest of his life and can no longer speak? I suppose that would send a lot of shallow people packing.

cpap is but a minor inconvenience by comparison.

From my perspective, I find my husband much healthier and happier when his CPAP therapy is working. In fact, I'm the one on this board, not him , and I'm much more "into" his therapy than he is. More than once he's felt like giving up.

I find it very reassuring to see him with the mask and know I don't have to worry about listening to his breathing to see if he stops. Now that our youngest is four and my husband is on CPAP (still working out the kinks on mask fitting), I can let myself go and sleep deeply at night for the first time in almost 12 years.

Maybe it's different with wives and husbands, but I actually found it very sensual having my hands all over his face, adjusting his straps and nozzles and everything. He's sometimes a bit more sweaty in the morning from having all that plastic and strapping around his head, but he's much more rested and fun to be with.

I'm still deeply in love with him, and I'd much rather look at his head with a hose attached in our bed, than to see him with hoses and more, in a hospital (like I saw my sister before she died).

Anyway, the fact that your husband "hasn't noticed" probably means that it doesn't bother him. Also, men generally (don't bash me for this ) don't think as deeply about things as women.

Theresa

I'm also one of the lucky ones......I have a wonderful romantic husband who would look past the artifical limb on the chair,,,,,,,,,the dentures in the glass.....wig on the dresser and whatever else life brought our way...i thank god every day that i knew that 22 years ago when we took our vows.....I surely can understand your feelings but don't borrow trouble where there doesn't seem to be any.........rest and enjoy a treatable
health issue,,,,,,,,,,