Kentucky Fried Nose

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:59 pm

Well, when I started on this therapy everyone told me it would be life changing. Little did I realize it would end up being career changing as well. For months I have been looking for that leak-proof mask that would maximize the benefits. One kid’s college fund and two mortgages later I finally found it. Sure, I have to strap it down tighter than a python’s grip, but that leak rate now hovers around zero. Once I got past the nightmares of my head being caught in a plumber’s vice, it has become tolerable.

Life started getting a lot better. I had more energy, was more alert and even pleasant to be around. Unfortunately, when you put meat under pressure, add some heated moisture, substitute nose oil for chicken fat; all you need is seven secret herbs and spices to make it finger-licking-good. Currently my nose is on original recipe and I dread when it might go to crispy. I now have a nose so red it would stand out in a clown convention.

I know its just cosmetics and I shouldn’t be concerned with my appearance, but could someone please explain that to the people I work with. For some reason, you put together jollier personality and a red nose in the work place it comes up with someone needing recovery from something other than apnea. Giggles behind my back at first, followed by looks of deep concern, but now it has gotten completely out of hand.

I am getting tired of stepping over the “Twelve Step” pamphlets piling up at my office door. I’m not sure if it is the office drunk or management that has been rifling through my desk looking for my bottle. If I hadn’t been able to provide the results from the field sobriety tests the police conduct on me during my daily commute, I am sure HR would have been making a bigger issue of this by now.

So it is looking like my only alternative is to change careers. It does look like the fields are limited for those of us with glowing facial appendages. I heard the reindeer gig is filled, besides I have a fear of flying without a plane around me. Was thinking clown, but big shoes give me delusions of grandeur. I think it might be neat to become a motivational speaker considering my built in laser pointer. The only other thing that comes to mind, is going to Hollywood and becoming a character actor. Though, I don’t recall that many parts for playing the Town Apneac. Well, if you folks can come up with something it would be greatly appreciated. Preferably something close to home. I figure it would take me a year to drive cross country with all the sobriety checks.

Severeena · Post by **Severeena** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:27 pm

Mike you may want to try and put a bandage on your nose to protect it.

My hubby has had to do this with his one nasal mask.

Goofproof · Post by **Goofproof** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:57 pm

It sounds like you may be on the way to becoming rich and famous. What you may have is a workplace harassment lawsuit. The settlement may be enough for your retirement.

People are a strange and petty breed.

NightHawkeye · Post by **NightHawkeye** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:15 pm

I've noticed my own schnozz displaying more color recently, but hadn't yet realized this might be a permanent condition. Why did ya have to tell me. . .

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:27 pm

I think it might be neat to become a motivational speaker considering my built in laser pointer.

ROTFL!!

sapphireskye · Post by **sapphireskye** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:33 pm

May your nose find a happy medium

God bless
Chelle

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 12:52 am

... besides I have a fear of flying without a plane around me

Finally, a concise definition of what the fear of flying is really about.

LOL!

O.

Deer Rudolph · Post by **Deer Rudolph** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 8:11 am

Welcome to the club! Santa sends his regards as well!

Janelle · Post by **Janelle** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:20 pm

Mike, all humor aside, has it occured to you the mask is too big and that is why it is leaking? You really shouldn't have to have it so tight for it not to leak. Call or email the manufacturer and speak to them. They might have some suggestions on either sizing for your face or something else. There should be no reason for someone to suffer physically with everything else going on.

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:55 pm

Janelle and Sharon,

Appreciate the comments. The above was fictional. In reality, I still haven't found a good mask yet and I've tried way too many. I had to give up on the pillows and prongs because my nostils would get too sore. Now I use the Somnotech and my Activa but both bother the bridge of my nose. Tried the Bandage trick but it just causes leaks by my eyes.

I stay hosed up every night, but have resigned myself to waking up a few times a night for adjustments. A leaky mask is better than none. One day that golden mask will enter my life.

Janelle · Post by **Janelle** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:58 am

The sore nose syndrome from nasal pillows is easily solved with a little neosporin to reduce and heal up the irritation. After about a week your nose will be used to the nasal pillows and you probably won't have any more problems.

Regarding the Activa, it sounds like you have the straps way too tight. On the Activa the straps need to be so loose on the bottom (which attaches to the mask) that the mask can fully inflate. Anything else will result in not only soreness but possibly leaks as well. It is also possible you are using the wrong size mask. I have never had nose soreness with my Activa. Sometimes, you just have to adjust the setting of the forehead piece to decrease the pressure on the nose bridge too. Have you tried that?

neversleeps · Post by **neversleeps** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:35 am

Mike, I just had to laugh!!!! Another fine comedic piece to add to your humor essay collection... but since we're taking things seriously, I think your previous post about Santa and the elves clearly indicates psychosis.

Just so you know.

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:42 am

Janelle,

I used Neosporing pain, Ayr, KY and even vaseline. None seemed to solve the burning for me. The activa is a great mask, however the loose straps have a drawback. It seems the edge of the silicone rubs either my bridge or my nostrils as the mask shifts during the night. It almost feels like it is cutting me. It is just the nature of the design where it makes it realtivly free floating. I wake up, then pull it out to let it snap back in place where it is not rubbing.

I am holding out some hope that the Hans Rudolph biometric mask will give me an interface that fits me. Saving up for it now.

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:46 am

neversleeps wrote:Mike, I just had to laugh!!!! Another fine comedic piece to add to your humor essay collection... but since we're taking things seriously, I think your previous post about Santa and the elves clearly indicates psychosis.

Just so you know.

Not to mention my fascination with clowns and balloons LOL

I once thought I had a grasp on sanity, but it turned out to just be the strap on my straight jacket.

Me from LaLa Land! · Post by **Me from LaLa Land!** » Thu Jan 19, 2006 12:06 pm

I once thought I had a grasp on sanity, but it turned out to just be the strap on my straight jacket.

You mean a white straight jacket is not a smart fashion statement as my doctor had me convinced? Oh oh....!

Kentucky Fried Nose

Kentucky Fried Nose

OH NO!

I have to say this post made me laugh, but I feel your pain

Red Nose

Fashion Sense

Mask