CPAP Bill of Rights

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:44 am

Since you partake of the hose you are imbued with certain alienable rights as follows:

The Right to Repose Silent – anything and everything will be used against you to ensure this right.

The Right to Air Arms – and any other appendage your bed partner puts in the way of your exhaust flow.

The Right for Easy Assemblage – unfortunately the equipment manufacturers only mastered the art of complicated instructions.

The Right to Celebrate Halloween Every Night – you put on a mask so make sure you demand your treats.

The Right Not to be a Cat Toy – no matter how much catnip your DME is supplying your feline.

The Right to Not Have Your Nose Watered - none of us need our noses growing any bigger than they already have.

The Right to Laugh at Anyone Who Isn’t Ventilated – if they complain just threaten to go back to snoring.

The Right to 60% of the Bed – in order to provide enough maneuvering room for your hose (any complaints see above).

The Right to Have Them Wondering Why You Are Smiling – once this therapy kicks in you’ll get lucky every night.

The Right to Claim Mask Marks are the Latest Fashion Trend – since piercing has been accepted who can question this.

The Right to Have a Fan Club – where you can congregate with other inflaties discussing the latest equipment.

And the most important right is:

The Right to Blow Everyone Away – with knowledge that you have been operating at 75% capacity and still were able to keep up with the rest of the world. They don’t have any option but to suck your exhaust now.

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:50 am

Alright, no doubt about it, you are certifiably creative.

And you managed to give the word "suck" its rightful place of homage in the English language. Way to go, Mike!
I am humbled by you!

Linda

Apneaat22 · Post by **Apneaat22** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:43 am

Just curious what "treats" I should expect when wearing my mask in bed? I don't think my mate has warmed up to giving me the only treats I would be looking for with it on. Though I did read someones post today that his wife found it a turnon. I should look into that I suppose

Apnea@22

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:41 am

Well if you aren't getting the treats you want you should start acting like every other kid on halloween. Time to break out the tricks LOL. I suggest a classic like the Blow And Run. Make sure you are facing away from them. Take your mask off and let the air blow into their face when they are sleeping. Pull it away just before they wake up and pretend you are asleep. It will drive them nuts figuring where the draft came from

CollegeGirl · Post by **CollegeGirl** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:11 pm

How about the right to make it through college without being penalized for your medical condition? That would be a nice one.

Bonnie · Post by **Bonnie** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:33 pm

Mike, I live alone Can I put on my mask every night and beg from the neighbors? Is that in the Bill of Rights? And can I specify candy?

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:31 pm

Bonnie wrote:Mike, I live alone Can I put on my mask every night and beg from the neighbors? Is that in the Bill of Rights? And can I specify candy?

Though I lean more towards trick or Beer, you demand whatever treats you want. If they don't pay up, rent a public adress system and and don't put your mask on ar night. With me after one night they would be bringing me offereings without me having to go get them. LOL

Bonnie · Post by **Bonnie** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:45 pm

I might even demand breakfast in bed, now that would be a treat.
Or a few loads of laundry done, or my car washed. I might even wear my mask around the little kids, scare the bejeebies out of them and make them rake my leaves. I could become the crazy old witch on the block I remember having in our neighborhood when I was a kid! Oh the possibilities..........

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:08 pm

And who says they don't get anything from this therapy. you just figured out the way to make CPAP wax your car. On to the world peace thing.

Apneaat22 · Post by **Apneaat22** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:34 am

CollegeGirl wrote:How about the right to make it through college without being penalized for your medical condition? That would be a nice one.

Hate to say it but I slightly envy you that you were diagnosed while in college. It took me a year out of college to find out about mine. Likely would have made a huge difference for me when I was working both of those jobs and doing my full time classes. The little sleep I did get wasn't working. Then again, I had no insurance so I would have never been able to afford any of this anyways until I got the job I got.

Either way, I hope things are doing better for you. I read your posts from the other day, did everything get worked out? I hope so.

Apnea@22