Hubby Had Emergency Surgery!

[Kiralynx]

Dori,

You are a strong and loving lady. You can do this. Just don't forget to take care of yourself in the mean-time!

[Madalot]

Dori --

You inspire me. You are one amazing woman. You are doing such a great job of caring for your husband. And I'm sure he appreciates you.

Keep up the good work. And please keep the board posted on how you're both doing.

Kathy

[BlackSpinner]

You are a super woman all on your own, Dory, even if you don't get to wear the costume.

[kteague]

Dori, something in your post stood out to me. Many patients strongly prefer having family do their care. Touching that Mike was so concerned with sparing you this. Keep us informed as things go along.
Kathy

[rosiefrosie]

Dori, How is it going with the wound care?

rosie

[DoriC]

Hi, thanks for thinking of us. It's strange, but even though our routine is quieter when I'm doing the wound care myself, not waiting for the nurse to call with the appt time, waiting for her to come,lots of conversation,etc, he'd still rather put up with that than have me do it. I guess I give off the "vibes" that only he gets. We saw the Dr yesterday and he's very pleased, he made the drain shorter as it's starting to get smaller now. He complimented me on my work and said I could apply for a Ph.D in wound care. No thanks! I'm on my own for the weekends and will have a VN every other day now with a 24-hr on call nurse. Dr will be on vacation for 10 days and says he doesn't anticipate any emergency but he has an associate if necessary. I suppose it's all a step in the right direction. Dori

[rosiefrosie]

Glad to hear things are going better. WTG Dori!

rosie

[BlackSpinner]

Hi, thanks for thinking of us. It's strange, but even though our routine is quieter when I'm doing the wound care myself, not waiting for the nurse to call with the appt time, waiting for her to come,lots of conversation,etc, he'd still rather put up with that than have me do it. I guess I give off the "vibes" that only he gets.

No I don't think it is your vibes. He was a strong man and wants to remain that way in your eyes. By having you care for this wound it hurts his self image. My father was the same way when he had his heart surgery. The doctor told mom to suck it up and be a "Real woman" for a few months.

You might want to emphasize how it is a tradition womans role to serve her man by caring for his wounds, especially those gotten in action. How much you honour how he got hurt in the first place.

[DoriC]

BS, How perceptive you are, really! I realize the indignity and vulnerability he's feeling and I guess you can "see" that too. It's also true that I do keep telling myself that if he was so brave as such a young man and fought for his country, then it's the least I can do for him now. But he' such a proud man and a true gentleman and never wants to make life difficult for anyone, especially me. Thanks for your insight. Dori

[SleepingUgly]

Dori, if you feel it's true, you could tell your husband how proud and competent you feel for facing your fears and doing this difficult work. I believe pride and feelings of self-efficacy are what I am hearing in what you wrote here:

You know, sometimes when we post words of encouragement or empathy, we're not sure it means anything but let me tell you that after reading all your words of wisdom and kindness, I think I can move mountains! As a matter of fact, I did my "nursing" duties last night all by my lonesome and it went well. The VN was here this morning and was very pleased . She watched me do it again today and gave me a few more good tips so I'm feeling very hopeful now.

It's like the CPAP thing... You probably wish he didn't need CPAP, but given that he does, I would hope you feel proud of yourself for the way you've mastered all that.

Anyway, I wonder if that would make him feel a bit better about subjecting you to this if he knew you were also getting something some out of it.

BTW, at one time I contemplated doing some work on a burn unit. But I didn't think I could do it. I am very easily queasy, so the smell of burnt flesh, amputations, debridement, etc. did not seem like a great fit for me. But for a variety of reasons, including my fear, I decided to do it. It was an amazing experience in so many ways, including the days when I went home with the stench of burnt flesh in my hair. Maybe on those days most of all.

[BlackSpinner]

BS, How perceptive you are, really! I realize the indignity and vulnerability he's feeling and I guess you can "see" that too. It's also true that I do keep telling myself that if he was so brave as such a young man and fought for his country, then it's the least I can do for him now. But he' such a proud man and a true gentleman and never wants to make life difficult for anyone, especially me. Thanks for your insight. Dori

You are very welcome Dori. It just reminded me of my Dads issues. Even when I was doing massage he never wanted to be touched; served coffee, tea, cookies, and dinner yes, but nothing medical. I just knew it can't be your "vibes"!

[DoriC]

Dori, if you feel it's true, you could tell your husband how proud and competent you feel for facing your fears and doing this difficult work. I believe pride and feelings of self-efficacy are what I am hearing in what you wrote here:

You know, sometimes when we post words of encouragement or empathy, we're not sure it means anything but let me tell you that after reading all your words of wisdom and kindness, I think I can move mountains! As a matter of fact, I did my "nursing" duties last night all by my lonesome and it went well. The VN was here this morning and was very pleased . She watched me do it again today and gave me a few more good tips so I'm feeling very hopeful now.

It's like the CPAP thing... You probably wish he didn't need CPAP, but given that he does, I would hope you feel proud of yourself for the way you've mastered all that.

You're right, seeing myself getting more organized with the nursing routine and not so anxious almost feels like the first night Mike got an AHI=0.3! Strange, but that comparison just never entered my mind until you reminded me. Thanks ..

[bailachel]

Dori you set such a wonderful example for all of us to follow. I'm glad that the wound is healing. Keep up the good work!

[KatieW]

Dori, thank you for being here, you are my hero.

[Jersey Girl]

Dori,

I am so glad that Mike's wound is healing. Your tender loving (and courageous) care is doing the trick. Please, keep us updated on how BOTH of you are doing. I am hoping that you can get out and do something good for you. Maybe a massage would be nice right about now...

Warmly,

Jersey Girl