Sex with cpap user?

[mckooi]

watch this to understand sex with cpap user.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mx9ocubo ... r_embedded

mckooi

[bearded_two]

My partner and I have never considered my CPAP to an issue and I don't know that it has ever affected our intimacy. Yes, it is a hassle, but most medical devices are a hassle of some sort.

[Rebecca R]

I am a senior citizen and am not used to technology at all, much less in the bedroom.

I think you don't give yourself enough credit. You have shown that you can get onto the forum and you posted two messages.
(I couldn't figure out how to post a message as a guest, and I consider myself okay with technology. I am just finding out how to get back to my posts and bookmark etc. It is a very large forum.)

My husband is very tired and I am willing to do whatever it takes to help him.

That's great to hear.

However, I am, as the one person said, also selfish. I also want to sleep myself.

It isn't selfish to want to get some sleep yourself. Maybe Rooster is right. If you continue to have trouble sleeping speak to your doctor. Maybe you have sleep problems too. My ex snored like a wild pig. I though my sleep problems were mostly his fault. As it turns out, I am the one, the non-snorer, who ends up with the cpap. I keep telling myself it's poetic justice.

And maybe young people think that sleeping next to Darth Vader is sexy, but I just find it scary and gives me nightmares.

Finding the CPAP scary, trouble sleeping, and having nightmares are totally different issues than you first brought up. I can understand those things.
I have a friend whose husband got a pacemaker when she was in her late 20's. She was frightened. And she wondered about their sex life. Their marriage became much stronger in the years to come.
Hey--who do you think you are calling young? I am neither young nor old..okay to be honest I lean more to the old side, and I happen to find Darth Vader very sexy. Much sexier than Luke, or Obi Wan. And Yoda, well now that's sexy!

If you drop out, it really will be too bad. If you join the forum, you may even get some private messages from people who have gone through the same as you, but are timid to speak publicly about a touchy subject. Even if you don't agree with all the responses, don't you think there are some creative and hilarious answers among them? They were great, visualizations, separate beds, rooms....etc. etc. (If I get married again I am holding out for my own house). Aren't you amused, even just a little, that your post got so many replies.

When we post on public forums, we have to learn not to take things personally, and we have to be very aware of how we say things. Especially a forum like this one, where it is publicly stated that freedom of speech reigns. Members and guests can say what they think. There are very few rules.
Come to think of it, I am sure I read somewhere, that robots are definitely not allowed on the forum. I would assume that includes robot monsters too.
I don't think you realized how some of the things you wrote came across. I think it is very important to try to keep in mind how things read, outside of your own context.

I cried because it looks to me like this is the end of our sex life. I know he is very tired but I dread having to sleep next to this robot monster mask every night.

What you said is much different than saying " I know he is very tired, but The cpap machine and mask really frighten me. I am so frightened that I am having trouble sleeping and nightmares about robot monster masks. [guessing where the robot monster masks come in]. I am so worried about my husband and the cpap and having nightmares, that I dread going to sleep at night. I also cried because I am afraid that this is the end of our sex life.

I guess I am too old and not tech-savvy or cool enough for this kind of conversation, so I will drop out and go back to trying to work it out alone.

You are more tech savvy than you are admitting AND besides that any senior woman who 1. admits that she cried at the thought of not having a sex life, and 2. has the guts to write in asking for sex advice has my vote for being cool. Aside: I wonder if we would have the same reaction if a husband had asked the same.

If you drop out, that is up to you. I hope you don't. However your above comment makes it sound like you are trying to manipulate us. I am reading that comment to say: "If you are not willing to help me on my own terms I will punish you and make you all feel guilty for being so mean to me by threatening to drop out. Maybe you will all apologize then too."

No apologies, but thanks for starting this interesting thread. I am considering putting the word "sex" in in the subject of every future thread I post because it is sure to be read by many. That way I will get the most advice possible.

R

[Gottarememberthatusername]

I get the apprehension. New things are hard- and this us a new diagnosis and a new piece of technology to adjust to.

I wouldn't let my husband see me with my mask on for a couple months after I started CPAP therapy- it was hard to be the one wearing the mask. My hub, who is NOT known for knowing the right thing to say, was able to make me see that it's just the same old me, but with aftermarket add-ons. .

Like others have told you, you'll get used to it- IF you give it a chance. And I think you'll like having your less-tired husband around too. Ummmm not to over-share, but my hub never EVER has issues with the mask coming off at any hour. Actually, he reacts to that like a cat does to the sound of a can opener. 

[bob2009]

You bring up a good point that will probably have more time devoted to it in the future. What I am referring to is the significant others adjustment to a spouses CPAP treatment. At first both my wife and the dog found the mask to be strange. (however only the dog barked) Weeks I found myself being pro-active about things such as washing dishes and taking care of things around the house without being reminded. If there is anything I know about life its that a partner who is conscious and perceptive of the others needs is vastly preferable to one that is mentally or emotionally unavailable.

The other thing that you should consider is how you perceive the mask. You mentioned that you are a senior, does the mask serve as a symbol or reminder of you or your husbands mortality? The mask your husband wears is for treatment, it is not the same as one worn in a hospital setting. Most of us do not like hospitals and hate to visit hospitals. Most of the time it is because they remind us of our own human frailty. We hate to see loved ones hooked up to all sorts of equipment because it dehumanizes them (in our eyes) and it invokes a feeling of helplessness. (our helplessness to be honest)

In the end just think of it as a beneficial device that helps your husband, not some convalescent life support device. It is a machine, just like a child's humidifier, alarm clock, tv remote, book light, night light, or any other device that helps make our lives better.(okay, maybe not the tv remote...)

[roster]

.........
I wouldn't let my husband see me with my mask on for a couple months after I started CPAP therapy- it was hard to be the one wearing the mask. .......

A women who thinks a normal man will let any kind of mask get in the way of enjoying sex, just doesn't understand how horny men are.

[sleepybug]

I really don't know what this obsession is about having sex in bed at night when your tired.
Back in the good old days when it was taboo you couldn't find a bed to have it in - you had in the back of a VW, behind the shed, in a bush, under a lab bench, in the dark room, in the stairwell - but never in a bed.
Oh and my parents proved that you can get pregnant doing it standing up just in case you had heard that myth.

So just pretend your a teenager again with no place to do it and your parents are telling you "just say No!"

Blackspinner, you are hilarious! I will have to keep this in mind.

[DoriC]

My husband of 18 years was just fitted with a CPAP mask and machine. I cried because it looks to me like this is the end of our sex life. I know he is very tired but I dread having to sleep next to this robot monster mask every night. Any suggestions about how to keep my marriage while my husband tries to get a decent night's sleep?

What happened to the through thick and thin until death do us part of your marriage vows? This is the thin, but it is also the part that the guy up above uses to judge us when the time comes.

Hoze, well said. I've been thinking the same thing every day for the past year as I help my dear husband recover from so many years of fatigue and a poor quality of life. I am grateful that there was finally a diagnosis and a treatment plan. How many times does a doctor have to tell a patient, "Sorry, there's nothing we can do for you".