Ok first off...am I the only one here around my age? (I am 22) I know I am at the younger end of typical OSA sufferers but I also know ppl of all ages can have this. I just feel I am the youngest since I don't knwo anyone else my age with this. My second question is, how did your bed partner adjust to you using a CPAP? I just had my a little over a yr relationship end and well I just started my CPAP a month ago. My dad seems to think that the CPAP could be part of why things ended. (I dont know what to think about that but it did cross my mind too since I was basically told he couldnt ever live with me) This being said whether this had anything to do with this situation or not I will of course be back to the dating world and eventually be sharing a bed with someone and me being young and all nobody my age really understands any of this and well obviously its not the most sexiest thing to wear at night. I have the comfortcurve and well for me it works GREAT I was determined after trying a few other masks I wanted that one to work and after a few nights I seem to have gotten it to work for me just fine and I sleep on my side off and on and occasionally have leaks but just had a check today and I am doing great with the cpap (Was having 20+ episodes an hr and today after 26 days of CPAP I have only had 26 total episodes which they were VERY pleased with and I feel 90% better overall) Obviously this is something I have to live with as well as a ton of other medical problems but like how can I get someone to understand this and them not be freaked out by it?
Couple questions...
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IWannaSleep
- Posts: 245
- Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 1:34 am
- Location: Florida
- Contact:
Heather, great news!! It's good you found your SA at a young age. You shouldn't suffer the years of damaging poor sleep that many of us here have had. I've been on therapy for almost 2 months now and still do not feel rested and full of energy. In fact I had one of my best nights last night with my lowest AHI yet (4.6) but felt lousy and tired all day, basically a basket case. I just suspect after years of Severe sleep apnea it may very well take a long time to repair my systems and get to feeling better again. But I keep working at it.
As far as relationships, I think this is a problem for many of us that do not have well established long term marriages or Significent Others. I am 50, divorced about 10 years ago, but certainly would hope to find someone. It's tough enough, but now having the "machine" I sleep with is not exactly a romantic item to roll out on the first night with someone. Anyway, I broke up with someone last February, and so it hit me really hard to think of the impact all this will have on any new relationship.
For now I just accept the important high priority item is to get myself as healthy as I can. After all, what good is a relationship if some Sleep Apnea induced condition puts a sudden end to everything anyway. Or at best you go around in a fog with a very reduced quality of life. So, focus on the big problem, solving SA, the rest will work itself out.
Ron
As far as relationships, I think this is a problem for many of us that do not have well established long term marriages or Significent Others. I am 50, divorced about 10 years ago, but certainly would hope to find someone. It's tough enough, but now having the "machine" I sleep with is not exactly a romantic item to roll out on the first night with someone. Anyway, I broke up with someone last February, and so it hit me really hard to think of the impact all this will have on any new relationship.
For now I just accept the important high priority item is to get myself as healthy as I can. After all, what good is a relationship if some Sleep Apnea induced condition puts a sudden end to everything anyway. Or at best you go around in a fog with a very reduced quality of life. So, focus on the big problem, solving SA, the rest will work itself out.
Ron
9 cm h2o
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Heather
TY for your reply. Yes most diffenetely I need to take care of myself first and get this sleep apnea under control. I will diffenetely not go without my machine I feel sooo much better with it. The only person who I know that doesnt mind it is a friend of mine who is in the medical field and also recently found out he has it too but hasnt gotten his machine yet. We have known each other for about 8 yrs but would probably never date or anything. HaHa maybe there should be a personals board for ppl with SA lol then it would just seem normal to all of us to have a machine to sleep with Like my friend said, if someone really loves you and cares about you they wont mind and will get used to it...
CPAP and sleeping
Hi,
If your partner left you because of the machine, it's due to immaturity, and probably won't be something you have to worry about with too many others. If you're looking for someone for a life long committment, then they need to be mature enough to accept whatever comes along with that person (before or after marriage) or they aren't ready to be married. What if you had been married, and then found out, would he have left you then? If they left because of it, you're better off finding that out now about that person, rather than later.
I find with most people, if they understand the condition (you stop breathing at night) and that the machine prevents that, then they will be accepting and even supportive of you wearing it. Remind them, that's IT"S ONLY WHEN YOU"RE SLEEPING. It comes off quickly and goes on quickly and isn't something you have to give much thought to, once you're adjusted to it.
You're a very wise young adult to put your health, now go out and find someone who is willing to make it through thick and thin with you, and you'll have complete happiness.
I have a questions about your comfort curve, I've had a hard time fitting people with that mask, I found a few people who narrows faces and it seems to fit them better - is the case for you? Thanks.
Joyce
If your partner left you because of the machine, it's due to immaturity, and probably won't be something you have to worry about with too many others. If you're looking for someone for a life long committment, then they need to be mature enough to accept whatever comes along with that person (before or after marriage) or they aren't ready to be married. What if you had been married, and then found out, would he have left you then? If they left because of it, you're better off finding that out now about that person, rather than later.
I find with most people, if they understand the condition (you stop breathing at night) and that the machine prevents that, then they will be accepting and even supportive of you wearing it. Remind them, that's IT"S ONLY WHEN YOU"RE SLEEPING. It comes off quickly and goes on quickly and isn't something you have to give much thought to, once you're adjusted to it.
You're a very wise young adult to put your health, now go out and find someone who is willing to make it through thick and thin with you, and you'll have complete happiness.
I have a questions about your comfort curve, I've had a hard time fitting people with that mask, I found a few people who narrows faces and it seems to fit them better - is the case for you? Thanks.
Joyce
Joyce
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RED SOX
i've seen four or five of these posts here and i'm filled with disbelief that someone would leave thier Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, because
they have to wear a mask to breath when they sleep.
it's a mask that comes off in 3 seconds like a bad outfit or pair of glasses,
or an unflattering hat,
it makes me wonder what these people would do if thier loved one came home from Iraq with a limb missing or was in a car accident that left them
scarred.
they need to learn it's your loved on under that mask, No different a person
then when the mask is off, The same things will make them happy or sad,
Same thoughts, needs, and expectations !
Would they ask you not to wear the mask at night "because it makes them soo uncomfortable" I know you may have a stroke if you don't wear it but
geez the way you look with that thing on "
Never mind having these people as your boyfriend, girlfriend , husband or wife,
These people are not worth knowing at all !!!!!
they have to wear a mask to breath when they sleep.
it's a mask that comes off in 3 seconds like a bad outfit or pair of glasses,
or an unflattering hat,
it makes me wonder what these people would do if thier loved one came home from Iraq with a limb missing or was in a car accident that left them
scarred.
they need to learn it's your loved on under that mask, No different a person
then when the mask is off, The same things will make them happy or sad,
Same thoughts, needs, and expectations !
Would they ask you not to wear the mask at night "because it makes them soo uncomfortable" I know you may have a stroke if you don't wear it but
geez the way you look with that thing on "
Never mind having these people as your boyfriend, girlfriend , husband or wife,
These people are not worth knowing at all !!!!!
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FairSpirit
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 4:35 pm
- Location: Western, NC
- Contact:
Hi Heather! Glad you are getting good treatment for your SA. I am 26 yrs old and have been on my CPAP for a little over a week now. It is good that you got diagnosed early. I doubt highly that you'd have relationship problems on account of SA and xPAP use. My Hubby is thrilled that I am on CPAP now and getting treatment. Good luck and continued success to you.
~FairSpirit~
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Guest
Hi Heather,
Bear with me through a little foray into Womens Studies 101. Women in our culture generally learn NOT to see ourselves through our own eyes but rather to see ourselves being seen by others. Many of us constantly imagine what others are thinking when they see us. (I have never been inside of a man's brain, but I understand from my research and reading that men do this far less than women do.) Near the end of a thread from a week or two ago (it had intimacy in the subject line), several women mentioned that they struggled with the thought of their bed partners seeing them in the mask. I have the same struggle. That is, I imagine how it must look to my husband to see me. The issue is not during the sex, when I am not wearing the equipment, but later. I imagine that he rolls over and looks at me and then I imagine what he sees -- his grandmother on life support? A cyborg wife? Bear in mind that he says, "I see my wife of 18 years." That is kind of him to say and it is the right response. But the problem is that I am less generous with myself than he is. Or, that i do what many women do, which is to project my own negative self-assessments into the mind of the other. The problem is, this thing undermines my self-confidence in terms of feeling desirable. My therapist tells me that this is, once again, more of a problem for women than for men for the most part. That is, she says that women are more likely than men to connect how they feel about themselves globally -- not just during intimacy but all the time -- to feeling desirable. There is about 40 years of research now that shows that women have learned to think about sex not in terms of our own desire but in terms of feeling desirable to the partner, whereas men tend to experience their own desire directly and worry less about what the partner thinks of them. The upshot of all of this is that any of us but especially women can end up feeling undesirable because of wearing this equipment; it can undermine our confidence and make it very hard to feel sexy, to exude that kind of confidence that makes us attractive to ourselves and others to begin with. It can lead to avoiding sex, because it erodes our ability to think of ourselves as sexy. I agree that for a long term partnership -- someone who is going to share the bed all night, night after night -- we need to find the trustworthy, loving, mature partners others have described in this thread (a description that no doubt describes all of us on this forum!!). But I also think that we can have such partners (as I do) and in the end still really struggle with our feelings about ourselves. For those of us who struggle with this (and it certainly is not all women), I think this becomes something we have to deal with head on.
Bear with me through a little foray into Womens Studies 101. Women in our culture generally learn NOT to see ourselves through our own eyes but rather to see ourselves being seen by others. Many of us constantly imagine what others are thinking when they see us. (I have never been inside of a man's brain, but I understand from my research and reading that men do this far less than women do.) Near the end of a thread from a week or two ago (it had intimacy in the subject line), several women mentioned that they struggled with the thought of their bed partners seeing them in the mask. I have the same struggle. That is, I imagine how it must look to my husband to see me. The issue is not during the sex, when I am not wearing the equipment, but later. I imagine that he rolls over and looks at me and then I imagine what he sees -- his grandmother on life support? A cyborg wife? Bear in mind that he says, "I see my wife of 18 years." That is kind of him to say and it is the right response. But the problem is that I am less generous with myself than he is. Or, that i do what many women do, which is to project my own negative self-assessments into the mind of the other. The problem is, this thing undermines my self-confidence in terms of feeling desirable. My therapist tells me that this is, once again, more of a problem for women than for men for the most part. That is, she says that women are more likely than men to connect how they feel about themselves globally -- not just during intimacy but all the time -- to feeling desirable. There is about 40 years of research now that shows that women have learned to think about sex not in terms of our own desire but in terms of feeling desirable to the partner, whereas men tend to experience their own desire directly and worry less about what the partner thinks of them. The upshot of all of this is that any of us but especially women can end up feeling undesirable because of wearing this equipment; it can undermine our confidence and make it very hard to feel sexy, to exude that kind of confidence that makes us attractive to ourselves and others to begin with. It can lead to avoiding sex, because it erodes our ability to think of ourselves as sexy. I agree that for a long term partnership -- someone who is going to share the bed all night, night after night -- we need to find the trustworthy, loving, mature partners others have described in this thread (a description that no doubt describes all of us on this forum!!). But I also think that we can have such partners (as I do) and in the end still really struggle with our feelings about ourselves. For those of us who struggle with this (and it certainly is not all women), I think this becomes something we have to deal with head on.
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Heather
Thanks again for all the replys, I totally agree I dont need to be with anyone who cant accept this. I think I was having a pity party for myself at the time lol...
AS far as whoever asked about the comfortcurve. I have a chubby round face I think. I am a bigger girl so diff not a narrow face... I guess it just depends on the person themselves and how much effort they want to pu into makign the mask work...I was determined I wanted that one and that it was gonna work and I have just adjusted to making it work...as far as yes sometimes when you sleep on your side you have to move the pillow or your arm a certain way but its worth it to me...
AS far as whoever asked about the comfortcurve. I have a chubby round face I think. I am a bigger girl so diff not a narrow face... I guess it just depends on the person themselves and how much effort they want to pu into makign the mask work...I was determined I wanted that one and that it was gonna work and I have just adjusted to making it work...as far as yes sometimes when you sleep on your side you have to move the pillow or your arm a certain way but its worth it to me...
Sorry just had to share this thought as I read this post.
The night carried on. Bob and Sue were sleeping quietly in bed until Bob woke up. Feeling kind of excited he started to rub Sue's arm until she woke up. He continue to find his way with her and now both were very excited. They ripped each others clothes off and Bob uttered (in his Darth Vader Voice) "Kiss me Sue" ... With that, Sue whipped off her Comfort Gel Mask and Bob his Full Face mask, and as the masks both fell to the floor, they fell into each others arms.
Hmm it looses a little steam there. hahahahaha. I think I need some sleep. Sorry for the silly interruption. I promise not to do it again.
The night carried on. Bob and Sue were sleeping quietly in bed until Bob woke up. Feeling kind of excited he started to rub Sue's arm until she woke up. He continue to find his way with her and now both were very excited. They ripped each others clothes off and Bob uttered (in his Darth Vader Voice) "Kiss me Sue" ... With that, Sue whipped off her Comfort Gel Mask and Bob his Full Face mask, and as the masks both fell to the floor, they fell into each others arms.
Hmm it looses a little steam there. hahahahaha. I think I need some sleep. Sorry for the silly interruption. I promise not to do it again.
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luckylinda
- Posts: 78
- Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2005 10:01 pm
- Location: Northern IL
DrDroopy wrote:Oops, I thought I was logged in when I gave my little women's studies lecture.
"Guest" on the last post was me, the never short on philosophy DrDroopy.
Dr. Droopy,
Great bit of philosophy. I found the message to be right on target.
Don't tell your therapist that you spread the word. Therapist might charge you for all the people reading your thread
Lucky Linda
Um, DrDroopy, wasn't this supposed to be about us women feeling actively desiringdesiring, as opposet to passively "attractive"?DrDroopy wrote:The upshot of all of this is that any of us but especially women can end up feeling undesirable because of wearing this equipment; it can undermine our confidence and make it very hard to feel sexy, to exude that kind of confidence that makes us attractive to ourselves and others to begin with. It can lead to avoiding sex, because it erodes our ability to think of ourselves as sexy.
Did you all notice who was doing the active, desiring things in JimH's little story?
Just shows you how really difficult this is.
O.
_________________
| Mask: AirFit™ P10 Nasal Pillow CPAP Mask with Headgear |
| Additional Comments: Machine: Resmed AirSense10 for Her with Climateline heated hose ; alternating masks. |
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Good advice is compromised by missing data
Forum member Dog Slobber Nov. 2023
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Good advice is compromised by missing data
Forum member Dog Slobber Nov. 2023
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Guest
Ozij,
Yikes! I've been at this women's studies stuff for a long time and look how compulsively I still continue to see myself being seen rather than to concentrate on my own desire. What great food for thought... I really appreciate you pointing this out -- I think I should skip paying the therapist this week and send the check directly to you! Now, what do I WANT for breakfast?
DrDroopy
Yikes! I've been at this women's studies stuff for a long time and look how compulsively I still continue to see myself being seen rather than to concentrate on my own desire. What great food for thought... I really appreciate you pointing this out -- I think I should skip paying the therapist this week and send the check directly to you! Now, what do I WANT for breakfast?
DrDroopy