OT: Daily Funny bone

[chunkyfrog]

Considering the day, I bring this seasonal one back: (thanks to BB)

[Lucyhere]

I thought it was funny. Ya can't please everyone, ya know?

Are you blonde? By the way...you have great udders.

An anonymous teenager?

[Papit]

A Month In The Clinker

A habitually difficult woman just had a very mean fight with her
weak and chronically ill elderly husband.

The next day the 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "It was only a little can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches
and she replied that she was hungry. Thoughtfully, the judge then
asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, " Only 4."

"Alright," said the judge, "I suppose I could sentence you to just a day in jail."

Before the judge could decide the final punishment, the woman's elderly
husband spoke up in a weak voice and asked the judge if he could say something.

"Yes, Sir," replied the judge, "What is it?"

"She also stole a quart size can of peas and, oh, . . . a big box of rice."

....................................................................................................

[idamtnboy]

Dear Abby,
I've been married to my husband since college, but he is a
liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning
and, when I confront him. he denies everything. What's
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so
humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job fourteen years ago, he hasn't
even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke
cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies,
while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter
went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me,
and even hints that I may be a lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:
For crying out loud, grow up and dump him. Good grief
woman, think about it. You're running for President of the
United States. You don't need him anymore.

[ChicagoGranny]

bwahahahahaha

Truth is funnier than fiction.

[ChicagoGranny]

"I will build a great woman — and nobody builds women better than me, believe me —and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great woman on my southern cheeks, and I will make Mexico pay for that woman. Mark my words.”

[sleepylynn]

Looks a bit like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show...

[chunkyfrog]

Mimi has probably the most unique style to drag on.
Well done!

[ChicagoGranny]

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' Were bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.....

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.... We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however..... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too..... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists..... The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50.... in menopause! You think MEN have attitudes? Ohhhhhhhh my goodness!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Send this to all of your senior friends in big type so they can read it.

- Tony Rose

[ChicagoGranny]

How good are you at writing the text to cartoons? This excellent GIF deserves an excellent, brief caption.

[BleepingBeauty]

Found this online today. Happy Holidays, all.

[Catnapper]

Check this from the past...
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=15647&hilit=Catnapper+santa

[sleepwiggler]

Love it

[Cannuck 1]

Its a true story with a little flavour.

We were sitting around work lunch table and cell phone rings.
Wife was having a bad day and was unloading to me her issues of the day.
After I listened and I said I will call you back later.
Gee's I said I hear a dog can be a mans best friend might have to get one.
When one of my fellow workers pikes up and says its true.
Put a dog and a woman in the trunk for 4 hours and open it and see who is happy to see you!

[ChicagoGranny]

Its a true story with a little flavour.

We were sitting around work lunch table and cell phone rings.
Wife was having a bad day and was unloading to me her issues of the day.
After I listened and I said I will call you back later.
Gee's I said I hear a dog can be a mans best friend might have to get one.
When one of my fellow workers pikes up and says its true.
Put a dog and a woman in the trunk for 4 hours and open it and see who is happy to see you!

You are a misogynist. This type of "humor" does not belong here.