How to convince old friend to use cpap

[tomtom333]

Hello,

I went over for a beer to an old friend of mines place the other day. I noticed he was red in the face, out of breath easy and occasionally wheezing. He had other vibes that I picked up on, also symptoms I had before being diagnosed and treated for OSA.

Anyway I didn't bring it up until he mentioned that he was waking up choking and falling asleep in the day at work. I said I think you have sleep apnea, he confirmed it (his doctor told him) and said that he does and has a CPAP he bought second hand off eBay but has never used.

I had a look at it and this thing looked like the first generation CPAPs that were ever released, it was huge, bulky and looked like a similar construction to those old early nineties late eighties Macintosh's with the floppy drive and black on white screen with beige colored plastic. It has a large on/off rocker switch on it. I had never seen anything like it, basically a dinosaur - a vacuum cleaner on blow with no ramp, humidifier or anything. I said there is no bloody way you're going to like using that or ever become compliant on. He agreed and put it away, I tried to stress the importance of getting a new machine and using it ASAP, but he kept changing the subject and seemed uninterested.

He is a really great guy and I want him to get better from his apnea but I just can't seem to get the message across how dangerous sleep apnea untreated is. It is death from thousand cuts if left untreated.

Any advice on how to sway and convince him? He definitely can afford the best cpap money can buy if he was interested and wanted treatment.

[HoseCrusher]

Education can often trump stupidity, but not always. Start with education.

If it is a "good" friend you may consider bringing your machine over and letting him try it.

Along with those things you can lead by example. Mention how much better you are doing now having worked on treating your OSA.

[Sir NoddinOff]

It's hard to harangue people into doing the right thing. What I'd do is gather some basic articles from reliable scientific sources (ggogle them) and email them to your friend, if he has an email account, otherwise take them over to his house. Go slow and don't flood him, keep it simple and just show your concern while not being too pushy on the topic (you kind of sound like a reasonable sensitive person anyway). Give him time to process the info and then broach the subject over a beer or whatever (just you two present). Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who's currently using CPAP - that person could be enlisted to also give some personal experience. Strength in numbers. That old machine in the closet doesn't sound like it would be good for anything but a doorstop.

[The Latinist]

I would start by talking about how it has improved your life. Then offer to let him try your machine. Don't push. Let it sit, and come back to it gently later if he doesn't bring it up himself. It took two years of gentle prodding from my mother and my doctor to get me to make an appointment for my sleep test. Perhaps he'll get there eventually.

[Rural]

If not familiar, consider reading about the stages of changing behavior, aka the transtheoretical model of behavioral change. Your friend is in the "contemplative" stage.

There are a multitude of reasons that he isn't more motivated. Denial. Fear. Ambivalence. Frustration that he isn't as healthy as he thinks that he should be (we're always still 20 years old in our head). Just be consistently persistent (but not a pest) about the subject using short and long-term gain examples of how CPAP is a good thing.

With persistent encouragement he will give it a try. I would be afraid though of him not realizing early success and becoming frustrated with making the change. Starting something like CPAP requires a big emotional if not financial investment. If it doesn't work well quickly in the beginning it will be more difficult for you to convince him and/or for him to convince himself to give it another chance later. Much research shows that it may be better the delay the change for a little while so as to fully be prepared for the challenges associated with the change.

[Todzo]

Hello,

I went over for a beer to an old friend of mines place the other day. I noticed he was red in the face, out of breath easy and occasionally wheezing. He had other vibes that I picked up on, also symptoms I had before being diagnosed and treated for OSA.

Anyway I didn't bring it up until he mentioned that he was waking up choking and falling asleep in the day at work. I said I think you have sleep apnea, he confirmed it (his doctor told him) and said that he does and has a CPAP he bought second hand off eBay but has never used.

It kind of sounds like he understands how likely it is that CPAP will not work for him. If he can afford a good CPAP as you state later in this post then to go the eBay route seems like trying to reduce risk.

I had a look at it and this thing looked like the first generation CPAPs that were ever released, it was huge, bulky and looked like a similar construction to those old early nineties late eighties Macintosh's with the floppy drive and black on white screen with beige colored plastic. It has a large on/off rocker switch on it. I had never seen anything like it, basically a dinosaur - a vacuum cleaner on blow with no ramp, humidifier or anything. I said there is no bloody way you're going to like using that or ever become compliant on. He agreed and put it away, I tried to stress the importance of getting a new machine and using it ASAP, but he kept changing the subject and seemed uninterested.

Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) and using Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) therapy are subjects that people fear with many many good reasons. Not a shock.

He is a really great guy and I want him to get better from his apnea but I just can't seem to get the message across how dangerous sleep apnea untreated is. It is death from thousand cuts if left untreated.

My brother and I agree that our mother had OSA. She lost the ability to play piano which was a big part of her life. She became distant from my dad and really everyone over time. Yes OSA disables and kills slowly. She died at 77.

Any advice on how to sway and convince him? He definitely can afford the best cpap money can buy if he was interested and wanted treatment.

Make the biggest difference between your health and his health over time. Make your CPAP work for you the best it can. Pursue other roads to health (dietitian, personal trainer, healthy living!!!).

This is, in my opinion, more of a siege than a quick battle. He sees your increasing freedom from illness but is more and more boxed in my his own illness. Eventually he will seek you out.

In the mean time study about this illness. Know how likely CPAP is to work for him (it is not for everyone). Know what else is available. And be an example of health yourself. Then you earn the right to speak into his life and have something to say.