My friend died... and it could have been prevented

[tattooyu]

My dear friend and "little sister" died this past Sunday. She was only 36. We had met in 2002 when she took a job at my company. She only lasted in her position for a year and a half, but we were to become bosom buddies. It's like we had known each other our whole lives. She was a DJ and singer/songwriting, and I'm a musician/songwriter myself as well as a trained recording engineer. What an amazing, sultry voice she had.

Unforunately, she had bad asthma her whole life. Apparently, she had an asthma attack at 4 a.m., took her inhaler and went to bed 30 minutes later. Her girlfriend found her dead the next morning. Only this morning was my hunch partially confirmed. She had untreated apnea, and she had taken one muscle relaxant in addition to her inhaler. According to her ex-wife, she had done this many times because it was the only way she could get back to sleep.

I know it's not my fault. We had lost touch in recent years but only reconnected two weeks ago. I was even planning on taking the family her town so she could meet my son. If only we would have talked about the apnea. She knew I had it. Why? WHY?

Death does come in clusters. One of my best buddies from high school died November 2012 during pancreatic surgery from complications of diabetes. Another friend from middle school just recently died as an accidental overdose from taking two (or more) sleep aids to help sleep during a bout of bronchitis. My friend's mom just passed away this morning from Stage IV lung cancer, and my friend's father-in-law is in the ICU in an induced coma due to extremely severe pneumonia. And now, my wife is going in for minor foot surgery on Friday, but I'm still freaked out with all this death around. I don't know how much more I can take.

Some people, especially one family member, poo-poo my insistence on getting checked and treated for apnea. After this, I will never, ever back down on someone who I think might need a sleep study. Ever. For anyone who is newly diagnosed and wanting to throw their machine out the window -- believe me, I've been there; most of us have -- please don't give up the fight. Do it for yourself. Do it for a family member. Do it in memory of my friend. I don't care what for, just do it.

My love to you all. Best health.

[Lazer1234]

Sorry about the loss of your friends. I have also made ​​it my mission in life to help others with sleep disorders. My father, grandfather, my father's uncle and aunt have all passed away early due to heart attack, probably because of untreated sleep apnea.

[tattooyu]

Sorry about the loss of your friends. I have also made ​​it my mission in life to help others with sleep disorders. My father, grandfather, my father's uncle and aunt have all passed away early due to heart attack, probably because of untreated sleep apnea.

That's awesome. I hear my wife starting to have some apneas, and I've been very frank about it, especially with her surgery coming up.

[icipher]

Sorry to hear. That is a lot of death.

Did they find out what actually killed her yet?

[tattooyu]

Sorry to hear. That is a lot of death.

Did they find out what actually killed her yet?

Not yet, but I feel fairly certain it was untreated apnea + sedation.

[Lazer1234]

That's awesome. I hear my wife starting to have some apneas, and I've been very frank about it, especially with her surgery coming up.

I bought a cpap from a member of this forum to my wife, and maybe I will buy another one for one of my sons also.
But the key is to transfer the knowledge we provide to the young ones, so they get the treatment as early as possible.

[Jaywolf]

I am so very sorry for all that you are going through. It is so hard to lose any loved one, particularly if we feel that death could have been prevented. I too.. along with all the animal rescue and fostering I do, my big passion in life.. will be doing all I can to raise awareness of sleep apnea in the hope more people will test for it and as a result have a better quality of life and a chance at a longer life.

Bless you.. huggs.

[BlackSpinner]

I am sorry for all your losses. Death is hard to deal with. Try and find a neutral third party to dump your feelings on, family and friends are no good because you will try to protect them from things as well as protecting your image.

[tattooyu]

I am sorry for all your losses. Death is hard to deal with. Try and find a neutral third party to dump your feelings on, family and friends are no good because you will try to protect them from things as well as protecting your image.

I have two good friends on Facebook that I've been talking to, and they have been helping to console me as well. I just wish they were closer. One lives in Buffalo, NY and the other lives in northern Alberta, Canada, but I'll take what I can get.

[chunkyfrog]

{{{{{HUG}}}}}
(please excuse the dampness--I was just in the hot tub)

[kteague]

That's a lot to process in a short time, so sad to hear of all this. Thank you for the sobering reminder to stay in advocacy mode regarding OSA awareness. Best wishes with your wife's upcoming procedure.

BTW, I'm still in your area and looks like I'm gonna gonna stay for the foreseeable future. If I can be of any help during her recovery, I'm here. I'm a decent cook and can sling a mean dust rag.

Again, my condolences at your losses.
Kathy

[DoriC]

Dear Friend, you've had more than your share of losses and my heart goes out to you. Blessings to your family and hug Jonah for me!

[nanwilson]

I know where you are at Kenny, we lost a best friend recently and we are still broken up over it. His wife had complained about his snoring and gasping sleep last year and I had lent my auto machine to him for a week to see what the story "really" was. He definitely had apnea per my machine BUT he refused to see our family doctor about and get officially tested. He passed away in his sleep in late August from.... you guessed it... untreated apnea. I tried and tried to talk to him about it but he just kept walking away from it, now we are all without him because he was so stubborn. Our family doctor tried to explain that it was not our fault that he refused and denied he had apnea, we had done our job by trying to talk to him and my lending him one of my machines......... but, it still hurts that he is now gone and there is nothing we can do.
I feel your pain and do share in it with you, its not an easy thing to go through. Be calm for your wife's sake and she will come through her surgery just fine. I know its hard to say, but things will get better. A big hug from me to you and of course to our little Jonah and your lovely wife.



HUGS
Cheers dear friend
Nan

[SleepWellCPAP]

Very, very sorry to hear about your loss.

Thank you for posting this story for others. I am sure many will benefit from the words you have so thoughtfully written here.

Based on your last paragraph concerning those who may not be diagnosed or noncommital to treatment, I'd like to send you something that may help.

Please PM me an address and I'll get it in the mail right away.

Thanks again for posting this story, my deepest sympathies.

[ems]

I'm so sorry. Very difficult to deal with and to read about.
Sending positive thoughts to you.