Brothers in law 0% compliant

[bwexler]

I have two brothers in law who are diagnosed with sleep apnea and refuse to do anything about it.
One is age 58 and ~100 lbs overweight and refuses to do anything.
The other is age 78 and 10-20 lbs overweight with afib and COPD AHI 34. He actually brought his apap home and kept it in the trunk of his car until they told him to return it.
My sister also about 100 lbs overweight and snores is us diagnosed, but has many other problems and is about to start her second year of Medicare Advantage.

What type of cattle prod or bull whip do I need to convince them all to get serious about taking care of themselves?

Just read about a stubborn teen who was having problems getting started, made me think closer to home.

I am about 99% compliant.

[LSAT]

Ask them if they have updated their will if they have a primary directive on file .

[Stormynights]

My best friend refuses to use his machine at all. He will not listen to a thing I have to say about it. He calls me all the time wanting my advice and opinions but when it comes to using his machine he doesn't want to hear it.

[TonyE]

I can sort of understand where they are coming from. When I was diagnosed with Apnea and told I need to I would need to use a Cpap machine I asked how long I would need to use it before I was fixed as soon as I said it the look in the technicians eye gave it away and when she said this is something I will need to use for the rest of my life I came VERY close to crying and I am still coming to terms with it.

All you can do is give them support and hope they decide for themselves the possible health benefits are worth at least giving it a go. Remember the old say you can lead a horse to water but you can not make it drink.

[zoocrewphoto]

There really isn't anything you can do. It is like trying to get somebody to quit smoking. They have to really want to do it.

My brother is 7 years older than me and won't use his machine. I didn't even know he had sleep apnea until I got my machine. He won't tell me anything about his sleep study results, machine, etc. I talked to his girlfriend, and she said she wouldn't push it even though I explained this could take him away from her a lot sooner. Nope. She won't even look in the closet to see what machine he has. I feel bad. I don't want him to die early. But nothing I can do until he wants help.

[old dude]

It's always difficult for me to believe that anyone could be non-compliant when faced with the alternatives. I dislike it as much as the next person but realize it's necessary for survival. My therapy was very hard in the beginning, but got better based on a lot of gracious help from this forum. I have no doubt that at some point, for some reason, it may get difficult again. But I can't imagine not trying to tackle it straight on.

I'm always reminded of my uncle who had one lung removed and emphysema in the other, but kept smoking.

In both cases, it has to be some kind of a death wish. I just don't get it.

[chunkyfrog]

I believe it has a lot to do with education.
The public image of cpap has a long way to go to even approach many people's own, personal "comfort zones",
as images of the equipment may consist of advanced life support, serious illness, and suffering.
Maybe someone could convince Tilda Swinton to wear a Nuance and use an S9 Autoset for her
during her next performance of The Maybe.
Or maybe somebody should get Ellen to put on a cpap fashion revue during her show,
including awesome masks and equipment with beautiful nightwear.

[bwexler]

At least both of my brothers in law quit smoking a few years ago. The older one only after being diagnosed with COPD. The younger one hasn't shared all his ailments with me, but I get the impression, between he and my sister, they could run a pharmacy out of their medicine cabinet.

[ReadyforRest]

To those of us who are using xpap and sticking with it, your brother-in-laws' reactions may seem strange, but it's a natural reaction to the diagnosis. The thought of having to wear a mask all night, attached to a hose that is hooked to a machine blowing air down your throat ... is just too scary. On top of that, to be told that you will need to wear this uncomfortable contraption every night for the rest of your life, that is downright maddening.

I can understand that feeling, because I felt it too, and put off starting therapy for a whole year after diagnosis. I was angry. I was in denial. I was making deals with myself. I tried an adjustable bed, sleeping on an angle. Anything to not have to start something that was so "for life", and so intrusive all night.

Until my daughter begged me to reconsider. She had been reading about what untreated apnea can do to your system, all the negative health issues, and enlightened me about them. My next choking episode further convinced me.

Even so, I know three people who have been diagnosed who don't use their machines. People are stubborn. They think they know it all. They're probably burying their heads in the sand, and pretending it's no big deal. People can use a million excuses to not have that mask on their faces every night. Even when they're feeling like crap from not getting proper sleep. They'd rather feel that way than use xpap. Go figure. It's, unfortunately, a very human failing, knowing that you should do something, but not doing it anyway, LOL.

I have tried to convince two of these three people over and over to use their machine. No luck so far. So I do not know what to tell you that would help. Some people just will not be convinced to do what is best for them.

[chunkyfrog]

My brother-in law is dying. (no apnea--that we know of)
Years of heavy smoking and hard, nonstop drinking has taken its toll.
Luckily, he will leave behind no children, and his wife is a tough, independent woman
who could move mountains; but not his stubborn butt a single inch.

[BlackSpinner]

Buy their wives a nice black dress and give them some singles cruises literature.

[bwexler]

BlackSpinner The older one has no wife she left him long ago because he would not quit smoking and always smelled like an ashtray.
The younger one is married to my sister, who I suspect also has untreated OSA. She is a travel agent and can supply her own cruise brochures. between them they could loose enough weight to erase me, and I am sadly no lightweight anymore.

[Stormynights]

My friend is otherwise very health conscious. He stopped smoking years ago and recently lost a lot of weight because he thought he was over weight. He wasn't. He was slightly stocky. Now he looks frail. He worked very hard losing this weight but the weight loss made him look older. He decided that cpap is a scam and refuses to even consider using it.

[bwexler]

My friend is otherwise very health conscious. He stopped smoking years ago and recently lost a lot of weight because he thought he was over weight. He wasn't. He was slightly stocky. Now he looks frail. He worked very hard losing this weight but the weight loss made him look older. He decided that cpap is a scam and refuses to even consider using it.

I guess we need to acquire a wisdom pill we can just slip into their beverage so they understand and comply.

I could probably use one of those to in several other areas of my life.

[Todzo]

I have two brothers in law who are diagnosed with sleep apnea and refuse to do anything about it.
One is age 58 and ~100 lbs overweight and refuses to do anything.
The other is age 78 and 10-20 lbs overweight with afib and COPD AHI 34. He actually brought his apap home and kept it in the trunk of his car until they told him to return it.
My sister also about 100 lbs overweight and snores is us diagnosed, but has many other problems and is about to start her second year of Medicare Advantage.

What type of cattle prod or bull whip do I need to convince them all to get serious about taking care of themselves?

Just read about a stubborn teen who was having problems getting started, made me think closer to home.

I am about 99% compliant.

Well I think that all of us with OSA should be working with a dietitian and a personal trainer. If you did so the changes would possibly encourage your brothers to take better care of themselves. Everybody needs a good example.

I have read several accounts of loved ones encouraging loved ones to video tape themselves. The results are often enough to break through the denial.

Frankly the usability numbers for CPAP are sad. One of my loved ones refuses to be tested. Knowing him and seeing how others have fared (posts here and other forums) I think his instincts are right on. CPAP is not for everyone and I am suspicious that some of them know who they are.