Denial: Mother In Law Dying Slowly Cu'z Doesnt "Like" Hose

[DavidCarolina]

Weekend report: visit with mother in law. Over the past 3 years have seen her feeling "tired, cant move legs, sleepy, lethargic, grumpy, and with chronic headaches". She finally had a sleep test, was put on pressure ten, but insisted they lower it to 7 and then stopped using it altogether after about four nights.

LOL, im at pressure 14 and I gotta hurricane proof the thing to keep it strapped on every night.

I actually brought her my oxygen concentrator to use and casually talked to her about the necessity of using cpap whether "you like it or not". Naturally I got the spiel about "not becoming dependent on oxygen" (as if all of us dont breathe air every second of our lives for 85 years).

None of us really "like" cpap. I dont particular enjoy brushing my teeth for that matter, but i do it because i need to.

The next day I asked her about her VITAMIN D 3 LEVEL.

"My doctor said i was at 8, and that was the lowest he'd ever seen".

By then, i had learned to keep my mouth shut but i told my wife that her mother was slowly killing herself.

Anyone else married into a "STUBBORN" family? My wife inherited the same ornery sense of denial and its been the hardest part of my marriage.


No wonder half of pap patients fail to follow up with their treatment.

[msradar65]

yeap and they are stubborn about weightloss, blood pressure, blood sugar...refusing to make lifestyle changes to be healthy. I gave up and that is why I am divorced from the one I married and the one that gave birth to me.

So people are just flat out stupid!!

[chunkyfrog]

Have her choose what kind of adult diapers she wants to wear after the stroke--if she lives through it.

[Slartybartfast]

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. -- Mark Twain

Sad to hear that. My aunt was like that. Though she was a very bright woman, she was sure that dentists picking at your teeth caused weak spots that formed pockets for decay, so she never went to hers. Was also sure that smoking wasn't as bad for one's health as the government made it out to be, so she continued smoking. Eventually she developed cardiomyopathy and began a slow downward spiral, though she DID give up smoking cold-turkey. She ended up dying from kidney failure after taking mega-doses of Tylenol for many years; she was also sure that the drug manufacturers overstated the cautionary statements printed on their products.

What can you do?

"You can't fix stupid, not even with duct tape." -- Red Green

[msradar65]

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. -- Mark Twain

Sad to hear that. My aunt was like that. Though she was a very bright woman, she was sure that dentists picking at your teeth caused weak spots that formed pockets for decay, so she never went to hers. Was also sure that smoking wasn't as bad for one's health as the government made it out to be, so she continued smoking. Eventually she developed cardiomyopathy and began a slow downward spiral, though she DID give up smoking cold-turkey. She ended up dying from kidney failure after taking mega-doses of Tylenol for many years; she was also sure that the drug manufacturers overstated the cautionary statements printed on their products.

What can you do?

"You can't fix stupid, not even with duct tape." -- Red Green

Wow this is sooo true. My mother is chain smoker, alcoholic and addicted gambler. I am sure she is abusing OTC drugs as well. She has had a few strokes, acute respiratory failure, angioplasty to open closed arteries in he legs and has advised vascular disease from years of smoking...but she does as she pleases...its meaner than a pissed off rattle snake and can tell you all you are doing wrong in your life is a skinny minute...but does not take any of her own advice.

Ex hubby....100 lbs over weight, sabotaged any efforts I would make to loose weight, addicted to soda, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, refused to change his diet or give up his beloved Pepsi. Now he wants to have weight loss surgery but keep the soda. He is now on blood pressure meds but not making any life style changes. His sister died at 38 of massive heart attack, another sister had two heart attacks at 27, his oldest brother had a heart attack at 30 and his mother is diabetic, nearly blind from diabetes, has leg ulcers and sores, has had a few heart attacks and is a basic train wreck.

So a whole family of denial.

As my father says....you can lead a horse to water...but you can't make him drink!!

[nanwilson]

SAD!!!!! My dad, grandfather and uncle all died of massive heart attacks at age 53 - 54....I definately have the genes and have had 3 warnings of "stressed heart". I wear my pap every night, all night, and do everything I can to keep healthy. Some folks just "think" they know more than everyone else and will keep on doing whatever it is to sabotage their own health. SAD!!!!!! Be healthy my friends...and keep using your pap every night, all night!

[chunkyfrog]

My dad died at 50 (before cpap was invented); when he slept, the windows rattled.
He would have loved my sons.

[jen4700]

I divorced the stubborn family I had married into.

[carbonman]

"Life is change.
Growth is optional.
Choose wisely."
-- Karen Kaiser Clark

[Maxie]

David, Are you married to my sister? That sounds just like her! Of course, I am stubborn about making my CPAP work so I guess stubborn can work for you as well as against you!

[sleepinglass]

Chunkyfrog I have got to tell you, I just love the diaper idea!!!Genius!

[sleepinglass]

So sorry about your dad Chunkyfrog,I only just saw it. He was so young!! So sad!!

[jen4700]

"Life is change.
Growth is optional.
Choose wisely."
-- Karen Kaiser Clark

Love this! Thanks for posting.

[greatunclebill]

when people are stubborn, you can't help them and probably shouldn't. if someone consciously chooses to do things they shouldn't do or to not do things they should do, that's their right. in a way it's like dealing with teenagers. anything you say will only further their resolve to not comply. so, love them to death but leave them alone. if they come to their senses, good for them. if they don't, sleep well because you know in your heart you gave your best speech and it didn't work.

[SleepyT]

Agree with everything said so far. Denial runs in all families. Someone just hipped me to the concept of "radical acceptance". Google that one. It's a great concept....tough to follow.