OT: Daily Funny bone

[Perrybucsdad]

Your duck is dead

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

[Stormynights]

Your duck is dead

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

We need a giggle everyday. It is good medicine.

[Perrybucsdad]

Here is another one...

Who Knew

HEALTH ALERT

I did not know this..... When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you
kidney failure,

When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,

When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

[Perrybucsdad]

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a s***ty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

My public service is done for the day!

[Gaga58]

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a s***ty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

My public service is done for the day!

Will have to remember this one!!! Thanks for the chuckle!!

[Perrybucsdad]

Well, if you like that one, Did you hear about the kid that was born without eyelids?

The doctor said he could make him some out of his foreskin after the circumcision.

The mom protested, saying "But doctor, wouldn't that make him cockeyed?"

"Yeah," said the doctor, "But think of the foresight he will have."

[ThirdOutOfFive]

You are too much!

[chunkyfrog]

Now I have to go find a dry lily pad!

[VVV]

Your duck is dead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218

[Mary Z]

Keep 'em coming. These are jokes I can remember!

[mars]

.
Here is one that I thought was hilarious, but others may not -

An Australian and an American were having a drink in the local pub. As usual when Aussies and Yanks get together they started bragging about their two countries. This went on for a while, and eventually the talk turned to their shared English heritage.

After more drinks had been got in, the Australian turned to the American and said "You know, there is one thing that we will always be grateful to the English for"

"Whats that ?" asked the American.

"We got the convicts, and you got the puritans"



adapted from the writings of Joe Bageant

[Perrybucsdad]

Good one Mars!!

Here is another...


A guy becomes a monk and when joining, the monk boss tells him that he must take a vow of silence and only gets to say 2 words at the end of every 5 year period. He agrees.

5 slow years pass and the monk is asked if he has 2 words to say. "Bad food" he replies.

Another 5 years pass and again, he's asked if he has 2 words to say. "hard bed" he replies.

Another 5 years pass, and when asked, he replies "I quit".

Monk boss says "that doesn't surprise me, you've been complaining since you got here".

[Gaga58]

Ohhhh my!!! I must remember NOT to read these when I'm in the classroom....real hard to not chuckle out loud!!!

[Perrybucsdad]

Well, laughter is the best medicine, and as one person once said "you can fake an orgasm, but you can't fake laughter."

[Offerocker]

Your duck is dead

TA DA !!!
DA DUCK IS BACK!!