Anger: The Pro's and the Con's

[mars]

Hi Everybody

When I first joined the Forum it seemed that I got angry a lot. This was at the start of my OSA treatment.

As time has gone by, it now seems that I get angry a lot less.

The possible causes of this might be -

1. I do not read as many posts as I used to do, therefore I do not get triggered as much as I used to do.

2. I am thinking clearer, therefore I look more to the consequences of what I post, which I did not do early on.

3. I have been wrong on a number of occasions, and the realisation of this has made me examine what I say much more scrupulously.

4. I have realised that many of my angry posts in the past have served no useful purpose except to relieve my frustration over another members post. Writing a reply can help relieve that frustration, and saving it, and not sending it, means that the usual consequences of a prolonged pointless battle are avoided.

5. Other people often have a valid point of view, even though this may be difficult for me to get my head round. And respecting this point of view, when my emotions are shouting to be expressed, is something I have had to learn from some equally painful mistakes. One of the first things I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous was "Act - Don't React", and I had to relearn that in the Forum.

6. And as for those who disrespect me, then maybe my integrity will demand a response, and maybe it will not. I give myself freedom of choice on that matter.

7. And I have learned, I think, not to get personal. This was a hard one, as I have a good command of the English language, sarcasm is my verbal weapon of choice, and I love to use it. Now I have to learn to combine those three traits of mine and at the same time try to remain respectful

8. I am also learning to pull out of a discussion that is going nowhere, and that I absolutely do not have to have the last word.

These are just a few ideas that I thought it timely to share with you all. The motivation came from an old article I discovered at BBC News -

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_h ... ment.shtml

cheers

Mars

[Gadget_OSA]

I think "thinking clearer" is a particularly significant point. The fog created by SA limits our ability to reason, particularly on complex matters which in itself leads to mistakes, promotes further frustration and feelings of inadequacy.

Thankyou for expressing your thoughts.

[chopper999]

Hi Everybody

When I first joined the Forum it seemed that I got angry a lot. This was at the start of my OSA treatment.

As time has gone by, it now seems that I get angry a lot less.

The possible causes of this might be -

1. I do not read as many posts as I used to do, therefore I do not get triggered as much as I used to do.

2. I am thinking clearer, therefore I look more to the consequences of what I post, which I did not do early on.

3. I have been wrong on a number of occasions, and the realisation of this has made me examine what I say much more scrupulously.

4. I have realised that many of my angry posts in the past have served no useful purpose except to relieve my frustration over another members post. Writing a reply can help relieve that frustration, and saving it, and not sending it, means that the usual consequences of a prolonged pointless battle are avoided.

5. Other people often have a valid point of view, even though this may be difficult for me to get my head round. And respecting this point of view, when my emotions are shouting to be expressed, is something I have had to learn from some equally painful mistakes. One of the first things I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous was "Act - Don't React", and I had to relearn that in the Forum.

6. And as for those who disrespect me, then maybe my integrity will demand a response, and maybe it will not. I give myself freedom of choice on that matter.

7. And I have learned, I think, not to get personal. This was a hard one, as I have a good command of the English language, sarcasm is my verbal weapon of choice, and I love to use it. Now I have to learn to combine those three traits of mine and at the same time try to remain respectful

8. I am also learning to pull out of a discussion that is going nowhere, and that I absolutely do not have to have the last word.

These are just a few ideas that I thought it timely to share with you all. The motivation came from an old article I discovered at BBC News -

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_h ... ment.shtml

cheers

Mars

How long ya been sober Mars if you don't mind me asking – what's that saying in the BIGBOOK on page 66 something along the lines of

'Anger is the Dubious luxury of other men but to the alcoholic is it fatal it cuts him off from the sunlight of the spirit and the insanity of drinking returns and with us to drink is to die.

If we were to live we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. Ect ECT

But then again you have all those wonderful promises on page 83,84,85 of the BIGBOOK to balance things out.

Working those Steps makes a man out of anybody lol

Have a great sober day – I know I will – Chopper.

p.s. Remember that Step 6 is the start of a lifetime job- - - - great to read your contemplations and musings.

[Hawthorne]

Great post Mars!

I have noticed the change in your posts lately. They are much less negative, confrontational and antagonistic. You are practicing what you are saying in this post.

We can all learn the same lessons! Many of us need to!

[KatieW]

Mars, you've been doing the work. Thank you for sharing these insights, and for being part of this forum.

[M.D.Hosehead]

Congratulations, Mars.

I think XPAP probably facilitates clearer thinking, but Introspection is what's making you wise.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but a near-death experience made me a lot wiser.

Very few things are important enough to be worth raising my blood pressure, endangering my own health.