WHY?

[PetrusKy]

I was going to make like David Letterman and list a Top 10 most baffling phenomena in this mad world we live but I couldn’t stop at just 10. So here’s the list, in no particular order:

. Why is it that if you hold up your hand against the nasal pillows you can feel the Category-5 hurricane force wind blowing out, but when you stick them in your nostrils, you feel absolutely NOTHING?

. Why do masks only come in two styles, Fighter Pilot or Snorkeler? I want my Hannibal Lecter model so I can really freak out the first class passengers on international flights.

. Why do they call it “rain out” when all the water is inside your nose?

. Why would anyone name their company AEIOMed? There must’ve been a lot of tequila flowing during that all night Scrabble fest, I mean board meeting, for them to forget the U and Y. They should take lessons from the folks at ZzzPap. Now Zzzephyr is a cool name.

. Why do they call it “Liberty” when the fact that you having to wear a freaking mask at night to sleep means that you’re a slave for life?

. Why are all the masks with “Comfort” in their names need some kind of DIY wraps or padding to make them comfortable?

. Why is it that the sweet, cherry of a machine you didn’t bid on CpapAuction will go for some ridiculously low price while the same one you decided to bid on will be contested to the bitter end by some lunatic son of a gun bent on waging a bidding jihad with you and willing to pay current retail price for it?

. Why is it that the HeadRest can be found on sale for $59 all year long except when you’re ready to buy one?

. Why does “hose management” remind you of an oxymoron?

. Why is it that when you buy a new, expensive mask with no return insurance, it will be the wrong size and the correct size would be the one that you originally thought was right but talked yourself out of because you thought you were way too smart to fall for the obvious right choice to begin with? Antithesis: you wise up and buy return insurance on a cheap mask and it will fit perfectly the first time and you’re out 25 bucks for nothing and making the mask more expensive to boot.

. Why do they call them nasal pillows when we all know they’re anything but? Call them by their real name: inflatable nasal tulips.

. Why do they say CPAP will make you sleep better? My mask always hums “La Cucaracha” to me in the middle of the night and wake me up. Why can’t it be something I can fall asleep to like Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”?

. Why does ResMed use that grumpy old dude to model their masks? You know which one I’m talking about. It’s depressing enough being dependent on cpap, we don’t need to be reminded of how sad we look too. Clue: let RestedGal model anything and we will buy.

. Why is it that no matter what machine you end up with, the hose spigot will be on the wrong side of the side of the bed you sleep on – hence throwing your ‘hose management” system all to hell?

. Why does my 10 year old have to tell everyone in her school about how funny her daddy looks at bed time despite me bribing her with an ipod and pleading with her not to?


*****

Consider this is a community thread. Share some of your own.

[OceanGoingGal]

Thanks for the giggles. I really enjoyed reading this. I have only one or two

Why is it that my kitty feels it neccessary to climb up and lie on my chest nose to hose while she decides if it is still me under there?
Why is it that the moment I get everything on and settled, no leaks and fairly comfy that is the moment that I have to go tinkle?......again.
Then I get all comfy again and my phone rings, the damn thing did not ring all day. It waited until I went through all of my night time ritual then rang. It has eyes and is watching me.
Other than that life is good!
Laura

[WilsonVilleUSA]

".Why do masks only come in two styles, Fighter Pilot or Snorkeler? I want my Hannibal Lecter model so I can really freak out the first class passengers on international flights."

Here you go!

[Roman Hokie]

Why does my wife wait till after I'm all hosed up to try to kiss me goodnight? (no, I can't make this sh*t up if I tried!)

Why can I nose-breathe from the time I hit the shower in the morning until just when I clip on my nasal mask?

Why does my leak rate increasing result in a lower AHI?

Why does my wife leave the light on after I hose up? (the light switch is on the opposite corner of the room from the machine)

Why?
WHY?
WHY?!?!

Great thread idea, PetrusKy (edit: please forgive the mis-type).

[rested gal]

Still chuckling here, PetrusKy. Funny list!

[Joe50]

The sleep gods are fickle and they take great pleasure in messing with our heads.

[Roman Hokie]

Why do I wake up with better looking hair from headgear-head than without?

[TheTwinsMom1]

Why is it that the moment I get all comfy, tucked in, all hoses in just the right place, when my nose starts itching and I have to decide if it is bad enough to undo the whole face mask.

Why is it, that even after two months, I sometimes forget I am hooked up and drag my machine off the table when I try to go potty in the middle of the night

Why do I get the urge to lay in bed and say "Luke, I am your father"

Why does the dog insist on smelling my mask every single night even though I am sure I still smell the same

[Roman Hokie]

Why does the dog insist on smelling my mask every single night even though I am sure I still smell the same

My dog isn't permitted near my face when I'm in bed. He's actually pretty good about it. (he's never been a face-licker or sniffer anyway).

[PetrusKy]

Why is it that the moment I get all comfy, tucked in, all hoses in just the right place, when my nose starts itching and I have to decide if it is bad enough to undo the whole face mask.

Ha ha ... I resemble that remark.

[WilsonVilleUSA]

...Why do I get the urge to lay in bed and say "Luke, I am your father" ...

Not only do I get that urge, I give in to it!

[pdean44]

I really enjoyed this posting~!

[Roman Hokie]

...Why do I get the urge to lay in bed and say "Luke, I am your father" ...

Not only do I get that urge, I give in to it!

My kids are waiting for me to do that. They actually EXPECT it.

About having to go to the bathroom. Why not disconnect the hose from the mask at the coupler and wear the mask to the bathroom? Or am I really overthinking this one?

[Jaylee]

I have the nose itch thing every night. I have perfected the nose scratch with the mask still on.

[BlackSpinner]

Why does the dog insist on smelling my mask every single night even though I am sure I still smell the same

My cat did the same, but she has gotten over it.

With the whole bed available WHY does the cat have to walk on the hose (and dig her claws in so she won't slide off)?