Very Bummed Out

[janetlee]

For the past 3 nights in a row, I have found it impossible to sleep with the cpap. I lay there with the mask on trying to get to sleep and no matter how tired I am, it doesn't matter, I can't sleep. I end up taking the thing off and in no time I am asleep! I've talked to myself and know I need to wear it and I do try, but it seems impossible lately! I'll go through the motions again tonight. I'm not going to give up yet. I do need the cpap, but am at a loss as to what else to do.
I'm also going through a very hard time emotionally right now. My dearest friend is moving away to another land and you'd think he was dying, the way I'm handling this!
I'm also trying to watch my blood sugar more closely. The doctor added a new medication and I do not feel comfortable taking it, so I haven't! It is glipizide and one of the warnings in bold print is that it can increase your risk of heart attack! Heart problems run in my family and so Ii'm not keen on this drug at all! So anyhow, I'm working extra hard to eat and drink right so I won't need another medication.
Sorry to be whining. I can't seem to cope well lately.
jl

[DottyG]

I don't have any good answers for you.

But, it does sound like you need a {{{HUG}}}, so I can give you one of those.

[cajun]

Go ahead and vent! Sometimes that helps.

I haven't had that problem for the most part, but a few weeks ago on vacation I couldn't get to sleep for hours. I was exhausted from a long day of walking, but my mind was going a mile a minute and it felt like I had a torture device attached to my face. I think I ended up getting 2-3 hours of sleep that night. I felt awful the next day, but the next night and all nights since then have been good to okay.

Did you possibly change something in your bed routine? Have the temps dropped where you are? It got colder here a few weeks ago and I had to start using my humidifier.

[ozij]

It easy to fall into that "mask off equals sleep" routine - and you have to avoid it like the plague.

It actually simple to do that:
If you can't fall asleep with the mask, get out of bed, take the mask off, and stay out of bed, doing something nice and relaxing, until you feel sleepy again. The go back to bed, and put the mask on. Can't fall asleep? Get out of bed, etc. Make sure that any time you go back to bed, you put the mask on, and that any time you take the mask off, you get out of bed. That way, you won't be giving yourself a prize (sleep) for trying to sleep without your mask. You can't make yourself sleep with the mask, but what you can do is make sure you don't sleep without it. Eventually, your conscious will get the message that sleep has to be with the mask and there's no getting away from it. Be nice and friendly with yourself, but very firm: no sleep without the mask.


A dearest friend moving away to another land often means a very big change in your life - not necessarily one you like. Listen to what your feeling are trying to tell you about it - the possible sadness, the fact that maybe you'll see far less of him that you do, the feeling that this is not how you planned your life, the wanting to protest and change a reality that you can't really change -- and do that listening without criticism.

O.

[BlackSpinner]

I'm also going through a very hard time emotionally right now. My dearest friend is moving away to another land and you'd think he was dying, the way I'm handling this!

Give yourself the opportunity to grieve - he may not be dead but he will be just as inaccessible to you so go and give yourself the chance to grieve and stop beating yourself up.

Plus like Ozij said don't sleep without the mask - ever. Promise yourself a little reward when you use it, but don't sleep without it.

[cinco777]

ozij wrote

It easy to fall into that "mask off equals sleep" routine - and you have to avoid it like the plague.

It actually simple to do that:
If you can't fall asleep with the mask, get out of bed, take the mask off, and stay out of bed, doing something nice and relaxing, until you feel sleepy again. The go back to bed, and put the mask on. Can't fall asleep? Get out of bed, etc. Make sure that any time you go back to bed, you put the mask on, and that any time you take the mask off, you get out of bed. That way, you won't be giving yourself a prize (sleep) for trying to sleep without your mask. You can't make yourself sleep with the mask, but what you can do is make sure you don't sleep without it. Eventually, your conscious will get the message that sleep has to be with the mask and there's no getting away from it. Be nice and friendly with yourself, but very firm: no sleep without the mask.

This is AWESOME advice and rationale!! All of us need to follow it when we are having a bad night - I still have a few when my mind is "racing" when I go to bed.

I know what ozij is recommending works as it has for me.

[rise&shiner]

it's hard to have a close firend move far away. I did that to my family friends, before the internet an webcams now it is easier to stay in touch with those that you love.

I can suggest a couple of things to help you through this. If you have an ipod put a list toether of songs that your friend really enjoys and listen to that as part of your getting ready for bed routin. If hyou are into poetry than have your firend recite some poetry and reacord it and play that before bed. It is amazing how much comfort that can bring to you. If you look a your cpap as an extensionof yourself and your well being it is easier to make it part of your life. I ev en think part of you using pad a cheek or a hose covers are not just for necessity b ut to personalize something that is so unpersonal. Same with using armatherapy if there is scent that you find soothing and the only time that you get to smell it is when you are getting ready for bed then it might be something that you look forward to.

[luckylinda]

Hi JL,

Don't you just hate it when life throws you several curves at the same time? It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, so naturally it is making adjusting to CPAP more difficult.

There is something that I do every night that relaxes me and makes me nod off into a nice sleep. I use a pillow speaker from Radio Shack under my regular sleeping pillow. It is attached to a CD player on which I play guided relaxation meditations. You can buy them on iTunes or eBay. You can also get them for FREE by selecting pod casts on iTunes and in the search bar, type in guided relaxation or meditations. They will download for free.

I automatically begin to relax as soon as I hear the woman's voice after doing this for so long. It makes me concentrate on something and it is a cure for that terrible mind spinning.

I hope you can avoid the medication that you would like to, however, my mother has had bypass surgery, has congestive heart failure and she takes the med you referred to. I think you might have not spelled it correctly, but I recognized it from setting up my mother's medications for a few years.

Best of luck to you.

[DoriC]

It easy to fall into that "mask off equals sleep" routine - and you have to avoid it like the plague.

It actually simple to do that:
If you can't fall asleep with the mask, get out of bed, take the mask off, and stay out of bed, doing something nice and relaxing, until you feel sleepy again. The go back to bed, and put the mask on. Can't fall asleep? Get out of bed, etc. Make sure that any time you go back to bed, you put the mask on, and that any time you take the mask off, you get out of bed. That way, you won't be giving yourself a prize (sleep) for trying to sleep without your mask. You can't make yourself sleep with the mask, but what you can do is make sure you don't sleep without it. Eventually, your conscious will get the message that sleep has to be with the mask and there's no getting away from it. Be nice and friendly with yourself, but very firm: no sleep without the mask.

O.

Another "ozijism" that should go up in Our Wisdom. I've gone through many losses in my life, some tragic, so I know you'll get through it although it's hard to imagine right now. Also, I would ask your Dr to explain to your satisfaction about the risk vs benefit of the drug he prescribed. You just may need some reassurance. Stay strong. Dori

[jweeks]

This is AWESOME advice and rationale!! All of us need to follow it when we are having a bad night - I still have a few when my mind is "racing" when I go to bed.

Hi,

I'd agree, too. I have a 10 minute rule. If I am not sleeping for 10 minutes, I get up and do something. I had a period of about 2 months where I would get 90 minutes of really good sleep on CPAP, then wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. I guess after not sleeping for a decade, my body was pretty happy with that 90 minutes. I'd often turn on the home theatre and watch a Sheryl Crow concert video (the one from the Soundstage TV show series). I really enjoy that show. After about 2 hours, I'd be tired and be able to get back to sleep quickly and get the other 5-1/2 hours of sleep that I needed. If anyone asked how I slept, I'd answer that I spent the night with Sheryl Crow again.

-john-

[Muse-Inc]

...I lay there with the mask on trying...

The trying means your mind is trying...there is no try JL, there is awake and there is asleep...don't let your mind lead you in circles. I knew in my sleep study I needed this and no matter what it took I was gonna find a way to make this work for me...no matter how much change I needed to make for CPAP to work. I have too much living I want to do and I have no option to CPAP. It might be time for some new thoughts as ypu fall asleep...I've taken to considering what I'll do when I win a large lottery...works for me.

...My dearest friend is moving away to another land...

One of my close friends was offered a 2-yr stint with the WHO in Switzerland...while we celebrated her good fortune, I was devastated. My other good friends were also in life-altering situations: one was shockingly diagnosed as legally-blind and the other began bouts of hospitalizations for bipolar manic delusional phases that drugs did not appear to control. My friend was able to renew her WHO assignment, met someone, married, and they visit occasionally. It was hard for me to say goodbye, hard to change to just an email friendship but we've maintained it since the mid-90s...JL, you can do this too!

...I'm also trying to watch my blood sugar more closely...working extra hard to eat and drink right so I won't need another medication.

Good for you! This is a life-altering decision. Check your PMs for a message.

[timbalionguy]

Losing friends can be utterly devastating. A few years back, I lost a good friend over a minor misunderstanding. She now holds me responsible for a horrible law that was passed in her state, and will not talk to me for any reason. Back in early September, another friend I have known for over 10 years, and who was drawing up papers for me to inherit his nonprofit corporation suddenly decided I was unfit and drove me from his presence. We haven't spoken a word since. The very same evening, one of our lions was pronounced terminally ill, and died in my arms 24 hours later. That is a very permanent loss. So, I know exactly what you are going through, and it is not easy by any way you can measure it. Consider it fortunate that you are still friends, and we have such wonderful ways of communication these days.

I decided from day 1 to treat the xPAP adventure as an 'engineering problem', and worked to solve every problem that has arisen. I have been 100 percent compliant since day 1. I, too have nights where I simply will not fall asleep. But, you can hardly notice that you are even wearing a good mask, even though I am running some moderately hefty pressures. So, maybe your answer is a mask change. I am very partial to the Hybrid.

As far as falling asleep goes, i have a little handheld Sudoku game I play. Usually makes me tired quickly. If the sleeplessness is particularly bad, I will flip on the light and play that until I get drowsy. It always works, even though once it took 2 hours. Still wear the mask while doing this.

[KatieW]

Janetlee, you have some good reasons to be bummed out. Know that you have the support of friends here, who care, and want to help. Sometimes, it's not so much telling you what you *should* do, but just listening and sharing your pain. We have all felt this kind of pain, you are not alone.

[janetlee]

Thanks to ALL of you for your very kind words and encouragement! I will do my best to follow through with your advice about the cpap! I wish everyone here a wonderful life!
jl

[janetlee]

Just wanted to say that I did wear my mask ALL night! YAY!!!!!
jl