OT: Just in from Phoenix...

[LinkC]

I just read a news story that has me so upset I can hardly think of anything else. If you have an ounce of compassion, I caution you about reading further...

And 8-yr-old girl was gang-raped by four older boys (9-14) after being lured into a shed with bubble gum. Her screams alerted adults. As awful as that was for her, it gets worse...

Her family of 5 children are refugees from Liberia where customs and family values are apparently very different. Her father told the social worker "Take her. I don't want her anymore. She brought shame to our family."

At a time she needs all the love and support she can get to cope with this horrible experience, THAT's what she gets? IMHO, the father is worse than the rapist thugs!

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/07/ ... ?tag=stack

[ricochetv1]

Yeah, it's a cultural thing. Family image is a big thing for Liberians. Often, the victim is blamed for the rape.
It's probably actually better for the girl in this situation that she's no longer in the home. They would treat her like a 4th-class citizen.

[Leonbergergirlalias]

Yeah, them's the joys of diversity. We are now expected to accept any cultural difference, regardless
of its cruelty. Because it is CULTURAL!, not bestial....

If people choose not to live up to the values of the new country,
then they should have stayed where that lovely culture exists. It is not acceptable, anywhere,
but definitely not in a Western country and where they are guests.

[ricochetv1]

Yeah, them's the joys of diversity. We are now expected to accept any cultural difference, regardless
of its cruelty. Because it is CULTURAL!, not bestial....

If people choose not to live up to the values of the new country,
then they should have stayed where that lovely culture exists. It is not acceptable, anywhere,
but definitely not in a Western country and where they are guests.

I'm afraid that, in this case, it comes down to what would be best for the child. Would it be better to put her into a foster care situation, where she'll still have an opportunity to "Westernize" and have a decent life? Or would it be better to leave her with her family, who will now treat her like she doesn't exist, and would likely not have ANY opportunity to have a decent life?

[BlackSpinner]

Far far better to have her in a foster home, she wouldn't survive very long otherwise.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/story ... ts023.html

The father, mother and brother of three teenage girls from Montreal whose bodies were found in a submerged car in a Kingston, Ont., canal were charged Thursday with killing them and a woman believed to be the father's first wife.
Police said they are looking into whether the deaths were an "honour killing" — a tribal custom practiced in some parts of the world in which the majority of victims are women who are perceived to have brought shame to their family.

[LinkC]

I'm afraid that, in this case, it comes down to what would be best for the child.

I had not thought of it in that way, but you're right, of course. What's done is done. Gotta move ahead. And she certainly is better off away from that mindset.

It's just tragic that she's lost not only her innocence, but also her family's support. And her family itself, for all intents and purposes.

[ricochetv1]

I'm afraid that, in this case, it comes down to what would be best for the child.

I had not thought of it in that way, but you're right, of course. What's done is done. Gotta move ahead. And she certainly is better off away from that mindset.

It's just tragic that she's lost not only her innocence, but also her family's support. And her family itself, for all intents and purposes.

And if she stayed home, she'd still not really have her family, unless the parents had a sudden change of perspective... unfortunately, people that come from that area, that feel so firmly the shame-based dynamic, who would turn away their own daughter, are generally hardliners and wouldn't be swayed. It is something that would probably have to die with that generation.

For all we know, the daughter might grow up to be a major player in modernizing Libyan ideals, and this experience of losing her family because of what happened would be her driving passion. Who knows?

[BlackSpinner]

It's just tragic that she's lost not only her innocence, but also her family's support. And her family itself, for all intents and purposes.

No she hasn't lost her innocence, she has been brutally used but she is still innocent. She has done nothing wrong. The idea that she has lost her innocence is the same concept that her father espouses.

If you mean she is now no longer ignorant of what violent sex consists off - that is true but that has nothing to do with innocence. She will loose her innocence only if/or when she chooses to have consensual sex.

[kteague]

When I heard that report on the news, my heart broke for this little girl. I hope the counseling that will come out of this to address the rape(s) will also help her see her value as a person and as a female. Unfortunately, in a little girl's heart, a father's view of her runs deep. And when her mother doesn't counter it, it's a double whammy. Bless her little heart.

I don't feel that immigrants should be expected to forsake their cultural lifestyles, however I do believe all are subject to the laws of the land. While this father's attitude cannot be legislated, his actions are subject to the law. Seems in any other circumstance there could be charges of negligence and abandonment against the parents. Sad part about that is the mother could be charged also, though she too is a victim. Actually, even the father is doing all he has ever known and was taught. Changing a mindset is no easy feat, and it comes only when an awareness of alternatives and a change of heart coincide. How many have once embraced a belief system that at some point in life they found to be an albatross around their neck? But specific to this situation in the news, parents who abdicate their parental responsibilities must do it within the guidlines of the law or be liable for any violation. I'm not up on all the laws, but I know that for the good of the children, parents are sometimes allowed or even required to relinquish parental rights. While this father's rejection of his daughter at her greatest point of need is deplorable in my eyes, I don't know that it was illegal. Will be interested in seeing if anything comes of it.

Our society isn't too far removed from a "shame on the victim" mentality toward females. Even in my generation, young girls who were molested were sometimes seen as "damaged goods" and I remember discussions about if these girls could legitimately present themselves as virgins to future suitors. Even today rapes go unreported because of the residual ingrained code of shame and blame on the victim.

The injustice of this little girl being a victim of such a violent crime of quadruple proportions then cast away from the family breaks my heart. I hope our justice system confirms her value, and I hope wherever she ends up she is enveloped with love, nurturing, acceptance and security. I wonder in her family's home country where these cast off children go. Hopefully at least that portion of her journey will be better for having happened here.

My ramblings are not as one having answers, just thinking thru the issues and trying to sort them out in my own head.

Kathy

P.S. My interpretation of the reference to "loss of innocence" was more in regards to the carefree innocence of a child who is sheltered from the ugly side of life and its concerns, not specifically to sexuality.

[Hawthorne]

LinkC - You are a kind, compassionate person! I hope you are alright after having this incident affect you so much! It SHOULD affect us all that much!

This little girl, will hopefully, be much better off away from that cultural norm where she is now branded after being subjected to such abuse.

I'm glad there are people like you in this world!

[Muse-Inc]

We have problems with so many ethnic groups having settled here. Honor killings, genital mutiliation, butchering livestock in the backyard, and more -- this city and State are just not prepared to deal with these deeply ingrained traditional behaviors. It's all just horrifying.

[qltwvr]

Both of our children were adopted from Korea. We were told by the agency that a girl in Korea without a father would most likely end up being a prostitute. A boy, if very lucky, would find work on the street shining shoes. My heart goes out to all the innocent victims out there. Wish things like this didn't happen in the world.

[LinkC]

P.S. My interpretation of the reference to "loss of innocence" was more in regards to the carefree innocence of a child who is sheltered from the ugly side of life and its concerns, not specifically to sexuality.

Yes, of course that is the context I meant! (And you put it very eloquently!) In no way did I mean to imply she was at fault. It may be that meaning doesn't translate well to Australian English. Sorry for any confusion, Blackspinner.