- 1. This is a RANT. It is not intended to provide information - only to make me feel better.
2. Any humor is a by product of frustration and is intended.
3. No attempt is made to be fair. That would take away too much of the fun.
4. Any reference to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental.
So, after perusing the various discussions about mouth taping I decided to give the Hybrid mask a try.
Yes, I was a good boy. I not only read the instructions I watched the various videos. (Note to the Hybrid mask makers - there ARE other computer systems out there that do NOT run Windows. That I had to bring up Windows to even look at the CD was my first clue that all was not going to work well....)
Ok - so now I've got the mask, measured the various parts of my face (can you say LARGE) and put together the mask with the LARGE face mask and the large nasal pillows. Right away it becomes apparent to me that the little nasal pillows are connected in such a way that they'll never fit into my nares.... not a chance in h........ Ok - so I check the video / Cd again and sure enough there's some indication that one might have to cut the connector in some RARE cases. (I knew I was rare - just didn't know how rare).
Ahhh - now I've got the little suckers separated and all will be well. I figure out how the headgear goes and begin the process of hooking myself up to the mask. Feeling somewhat like an astronaut or at least a test pilot I hold the mask in my left hand and bring the headgear over the head with one loose lead trailing. Having been so used to just sliding the CL2 over my head in one fell swoop this tug and pull seemed quite cumbersome.
Ahah - now I've got the headgear on and I place the nasal pillows on my nares - oops! - those things slide around since they're not connected to anything - ah - now I've got 'em - whoops - maybe I don't - yes! - no! - yes! Finally I decided that I'll just get this thing on the face at least and then I'll figure out about the nares. Oops - just stabbed myself with the chin guard.... ah - ok, got the mask in place let's see how it runs.
OH MY! - everything is leaking - sides, nares, top, bottom. Push in one of the nasal pillows and the other pops out! Use the specified technique - pull the mask away, place the pillows on the nares, make sure the top part of the mask is above my top lip and rotate down. Er, what's that sound of rushing air???? - oh - one of the pillows popped out - where's that mirror? Ok - got 'em in place but the mask is still sitting funny on the face. OH - it's the chin thing. Ok I'll slide the mask down so that the chin plate is where it should be. Ahhhhhh..... everything is fine. Oh - now I want to move a little - hiss, snark, whoosh - everything comes undone.
This process repeats itself a considerable number of times with various strap tightenings, adjustments, pillow rotations etc. In a desperate attempt to get a mask seal I reach for the Bag Balm (don't ask!) and apply liberal amounts to the face mask and pillows and after some adjustments I am rewarded with that lovely thing called a seal. Silence. Golden Silence descends for almost 40 seconds and then, I MOVE my head.
Alright, I've got this thing figured out now. This is a mask for people who have already died!! - the only way it will stay put is if I make like I'm in a casket and lie there very still with the head gear pulled so tight that my face will never recover its true shape. (There are those who might think that was a good thing but I'm rather fond of it.)
So - the next day I call the hybrid mask people who are very helpful. The gal (yes, a REAL person) who answers the phone asks me if I have a "sharp chin". Well, I think of myself as a fairly sharp guy but I've never thought about that particular aspect. She says "you know, like Jay Leno!".... Hmmm - I consider that a possibility so she says they'll send me along a face mask that's got the chin piece cut out. Ahah - maybe THAT's the problem.
Two days later, here's the next mask - and I can hardly wait to see what's in store for me. sure enough, as soon as I put the mask in place I get a tight seal. Wow - a seal in less than 10 minutes and with no goop at all. Oops! - I spoke too soon. You see, I had the audacity to turn my body and when I do that the hose tugs (ever so slightly) and the seal breaks.
Fast forward several nights later - I've tried, honestly - I've tried everything I can possibly try. I've even tried just relaxing my mouth and letting it go into "Chipmunk mode" (or Motorcycle mode..... you know, that look you get on your face on a motorcycle at 70 mph when you open your mouth to speak and the wind catches everything so you look like you've just swallowed a basketball). Yes, I get a better seal that way but it's only a few seconds until something breaks loose.
So - last night I figured I had nothing to lose and decided to use great globs of lanolin (yes, I graduated from Bag Balm) to see if I could get this thing to seal well. I tightened the straps to the INCINERATE setting, globbed on the lanolin and pulled everything into place. Peace, quiet - OH - I'm supposed to turn on the pressure now aren't I????
the mask goes back tomorrow (yes, I purchased the return option and aren't I glad I did?). I think the idea is great but the way the hose connects almost guarantees something will tug this out of place. (Yes, I did try to reorient the hose. Actually tried routing it straight up but that didn't help either). Also, even lying in Casket Mode, just the act of breathing would occasionally create little whispers of leak here and there that would only go away with a complete "reseal" procedure. I will admit, I'm getting good at rotating the mask into a seal. I've done it so many times it's almost second nature. Sleep 5 minutes, rotate the mask, sleep 5 minutes, rotate the mask - OH - is that what they meant by a sleep apnea??
To those of you who love your hybrids you have my everlasting admiration for patience and facial structure. to those who are considering trying it - get the return option.
Last night I slept - tape over the mouth, head resting comfortably on the pillow and I actually moved around. Of course that was with my beloved CL2. Now to find a tape that works reliably........
It's great to be alive!
