Prostate Exams

roster · Post by **roster** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 8:44 pm

Actual comments made by patients while having their prostate gland checked.

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "Now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."

DreamDiver · Post by **DreamDiver** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:04 pm

rooster wrote:13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."

Ha ha ha!
This one had me in fits!
(my wife too!)

shippy · Post by **shippy** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:19 pm

rooster

Can't say i have gone through the old checkup routine but at my age i should.

Very Funny Stuff Though cracked me up

Dale

admiralross · Post by **admiralross** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:25 pm

Hopefully, by the time I need that done. I'll be spared this type of torture!

msheda · Post by **msheda** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 9:43 pm

I saw the subject of this and thought that you were putting the hose on the wrong end...

GumbyCT · Post by **GumbyCT** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:00 pm

I always ask my doc if he can cook, too?

Seriously tho, if you haven't had or don't have it done, who are you foolin? Really?

This all men really have to look forward to in old age, it IS a killer and perfectly curable but it MUST be caught BEFORE it spreads.

So the joke's on you if you don't/won't have it done.

admiralross · Post by **admiralross** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:11 pm

GumbyCT wrote:I always ask my doc if he can cook, too?

Seriously tho, if you haven't had or don't have it done, who are you foolin? Really?

This all men really have to look forward to in old age, it IS a killer and perfectly curable but it MUST be caught BEFORE it spreads.

So the joke's on you if you don't/won't have it done.

Don't they have a blood test for that now?

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:22 pm

They do, but its not all that accurate or reliable.

My favorite is 6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

I'm gonna use that one on my gastro next colonoscopy. Ain't growing old fun?? Ahhh. 50, the Golden Age.

roster · Post by **roster** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:18 am

I was in a "be nice" mood when I posted this last night. I am not in a be nice mood this morning, so here's......

Number 14: "Owww, Doc, that hurts! Hey, how can you have hands on both of my shoulders while you are doing that?" .

DreamDiver · Post by **DreamDiver** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 8:49 am

I'm also partial the muppet reply.

Seriously, get it checked. And get your colon checked. They didn't anesthetize me during the colonoscopy. I watched the video the entire time. It was fascinating. They laser-blasted several polyps that would have otherwise gone undiagnosed. I wasn't even 40 yet. No, it may not be my favorite video game, but hey - this is one I could actually win.

Gumby ct · Post by **Gumby ct** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 8:59 am

rooster wrote:Number 14: "Owww, Doc, that hurts! Hey, how can you have hands on both of my shoulders while you are doing that?"

The doc answers - I'm givin you the blood test.

There is a blood test, as far as I know they use both kinda like a check & balance? "There's nothin like the REAL thing, baby"

A friend of mine just turned 50, which is the age when they usu. begin the DRE (Digital Rectal Exam), to make a long story short, 6 months later he had surgery for prostate cancer. Cancer, like heart attacks, strokes, and sleep apnea, know NO boundaries.

This is the same guy who sleeps at traffic lights but denies he has sleep apnea.

Bottom line, if YOU wanna grow old, get your DRE

Goofproof · Post by **Goofproof** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 10:15 am

I hate it when Doc, gives me the Finger. Jim

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 10:54 am

I thought guys were supposed to bend over for the doc at least once a year after turning 40 (at least that has been my experience).

My doc told me a funny one last time. He said he told one of his patients to bend over and spread his cheeks. So the patient bent over, put a finger from each hand into his mouth, and looked at the doc upside down from between his legs and said "... like this?" (spreading his mouth cheeks into a big smile).

GumbyCT · Post by **GumbyCT** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 11:11 am

Gumby ct wrote:A friend of mine just turned 50, which is the age when they usu. begin the DRE (Digital Rectal Exam)

Come to think about it - DreamStalker you are right 40 is the magic numba for the DRE - 50 is the magic numba for the colonoscopy; I stand corrected.

Just had my DRE - 2 weeks ago at the VA by an APRN - 1st time for me by a woman
When I asked her if she could cook too - she didn't get it.

Now she wants to put her camera up my penis looking for the cause of trace blood I've had since the 80's. I told her she don't have a camera small enuff.

I expect she'll be callin me for dinner!

northernlights2 · Post by **northernlights2** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:16 pm

Just had my annual DRE two weeks ago. Don't know if its connected, but my doc told me that my prostate had shrunk since last time last year. Been on the hose for about 18 months now. Wonder if there's any connection? Haven't gotten up for a nighttime leak since I started on CPAP. Also, discontinued taking blood pressure medication after being on the machine. Definitely think that this is a result of treating apnea. I'm 57 and having my first colonoscopy soon.
Final advice: stay on the hose, and find a doc with thin fingers!!!

Steve.

Prostate Exams

Prostate Exams

Re: Prostate Exams

Not my favorite video game - but worth it.

Mask

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Mask

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