Dear friend lost - to OSA

[BadBreath]

She became my friend when I thought I no longer had friends, and invited me into her loving circle where her friends became mine.

When her husband Mac died, Diane took over the theater group they had founded that produced plays for children, and kept it going for the next 17 of it’s 35 (and counting) years. She wasn’t an actor or director like him, but her bright and colorful costumes became the constant character through the years of changing actors and directors. And when I found myself alone and returning to theater as a solace and social comfort, she invited me onto the stage in front of the unforgiving yet totally appreciative audiences of children.

She was old enough to be my mother but in all ways was more my friend, and unlike my mother her love was always unconditional and forthcoming. That’s not to say she opened her arms to everyone, as Diane did not suffer fools gladly. Prima donnas had no place in the group and were quietly discouraged. But that made her acceptance all the more special. And when I got back together with my wife, Diane invited her to help sew costumes and into her women’s reading group, and both of us to the nights at the coast vacation rental and into their long standing monthly movie group. And when she would fall asleep during the movie and quietly snore we would just smile at each other and appreciate her gentle yet gruff presence.

Her later years proved difficult in the ways typical to someone entering their seventies, but at least when she got her hip replaced she used the "no smoking" environment of the hospital to finally quit, to our great relief. But the vertigo and loss of balance and the headaches went unexplained, and the series of smaller and then larger strokes made the relief from hip pain short lived. And then at the end of last year she suddenly went downhill fast and was lost to us at the age of 73 from what the obituary described as a “pulmonary disorder”.

So when recently I was describing to our friends in the movie group my current diagnosis of OSA, and my success at therapy, it should have come as no surprise when Diane’s closest friend and costume sewing companion said Diane would have had at least ten more years of life with us if she could only have gotten used to the mask. Her “claustrophobia” made it impossible for her to comply.

I was left with a feeling that Diane had influenced me from beyond the grave, if only from within my subconscious, to pursue a diagnosis for my breathing problems. And I am also left to wonder if she had had access to the resources I have found here, or if I had been diagnosed sooner and been able to help her, if she would still be here filling the hole in my life that is once again there, now that she is gone.

[Jeanie821]

Oh, BB, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I know what this must be like for you, as I've lost far too many loved ones - including an uncle to OSA. Joe was 47 when he died of dilated cardiomyopathy, which the coroner said (and my pulmonologist concurred) may have been caused by more than eight months of non-compliance with CPAP therapy. He had stopped using it because his 23-year-old fiancee moved in with him, and supposedly it "scared" her. And when I was diagnosed last month, it scared me into full compliance.

(((((BB)))))

[AdmiralCougar]

Oh BB, I'm so sorry to hear that, it brings tears to my eyes, and wrenches my heart. My Second cousin on my mom's side died just last year "in her sleep" after her non compliance. I hadn't even known she had OSA till she died. It just makes me worry about my Father more as well. He was diagnosed at least 5 years ago. He brought his machine home and quickly kicked it under the bed and quickly "lost" the parts so he wouldn't have to use it. If I knew then what I know now I would of at least tried to pressure him into using it. Now I pester him about it, and hope that my compliance will show him that the treatment works. He's 67 and a stubborn old Ox. The VA goes through hoops to try and keep him healthy, and he just disregards what he's told. He was diagnosed with Diabetes a year or so ago, and we still can't get him to stop the sugar intake. My mom just says don't complain when you feel sick. What she needs to do is become an enforcer, but alas she wont step into the role. And as much as my sister and I try we can't get him to listen to us either.
If you need people to talk to remember we are here.

Christy

[Hunter1]

Sorry to hear the news. Getting use to the mask can be difficult for some people.

I still struggle with the mask and wish I did not have to use it. Life is much better with the hose so I have no choice. I have a beautiful wife and a wonderful 7 year old son. This, many times, inspires me to keep moving forward with my therapy.

Hunter1

[admiralross]

Sorry to hear of your loss. That scares me I've been out of compliance for over a year. Not my fault. Not enough money and the lack of insurance. I don't know for sure that I have OSA. But when I get my medical records I'll know for sure.

Take care and good luck.

[j.a.taylor]

BB,

Thanks for sharing your story.

It's a sad story, but a reminder that this is a battle we're all fighting, and there are casualties in this war for our health.

And as advocates, we can help raise awareness, so that someone doesn't have to share a story like you just shared.

[SleepingBeauty]

Your words paint a vivid picture of her and it sounds like she was an amazing woman. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Bookbear]

She was obviously a kind and caring woman. You have done her honor by communicating her character so vividly. It's hard to lose a friend......

[kteague]

What a beautiful tribute to an apparently amazing woman. And what a blessing to have crossed paths in this life with someone so special. So sorry for your loss.
Kathy

[BadBreath]

Thank you, Kathy for your kind words at a time when you are experiencing a fresh and significant loss of your own. My condolences.

While my loss is not fresh the knowledge of the sleep apnea connection is, and it just reinforced what an amazing relationship I had and now miss. My personal loss is nothing compared to the loss of our local community of a long time servant to children. As an "in the home" teacher of socially troubled students Diane was forever aware of the constant and divergent needs of our community's youth.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and the support of this forum community. I appreciate the opportunity to share my feelings and hopefully present a cautionary tale.

[RosemaryB]

Your post was very touching. Thank you for sharing.

My grandfather died in his sleep of a heart attack. Before that he had years of suffering with cardiac problems. He snored very, very loudly and I believe my grandma talked about him stopping breathing. So, it wasn't really his heart, it turns out, but sleep apnea. He was a caring person who did a lot of good in the world, too. Of course, this was many years before we understood sleep apnea and cpap treatment.

That's one reason that this board is so important. There are people out there who need help if this treatment is going to work for them. They are getting it here. You folks are helping save the lives of good people, one piece of advice at a time!

Thank you.

[echo]

Dear BB - thank you for sharing this sad story with us. It must be very difficult to have lost someone so dear to you and to your community.

I think as OSA sufferers it is also our duty to try to educate and help others around us. Maybe these (sad) stories also need to go into the collective wisdom section, in to honor their memories, and to help with 'advocacy'. I even imagine a "Chicken Soup for the Sleepless Soul" , with stories like this, success stories, etc....

[AdmiralCougar]

Dear BB - thank you for sharing this sad story with us. It must be very difficult to have lost someone so dear to you and to your community.

I think as OSA sufferers it is also our duty to try to educate and help others around us. Maybe these (sad) stories also need to go into the collective wisdom section, in to honor their memories, and to help with 'advocacy'. I even imagine a "Chicken Soup for the Sleepless Soul" , with stories like this, success stories, etc....

Echo that is such a wonderful Idea I second it.