The Night Before Christmas (humor)

Bones · Post by **Bones** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:47 pm

Twas the night before Christmas and I lay in a bed,
A bunch of electrodes secured to my head.
With more on my legs and my chest and my chin,
And all of them into a box were plugged in.
LED on my finger, a mask on my face,
I must have resembled some alien race.
“This bed is inhuman; I’ll sleep not a wink.
The ones in the drunk tanks are better I think.”
I tossed and I turned, I dozed and I started,
I yawned and I scratched and I just may have farted.
When out in the hall, there arose such a clatter,
I leaped from the bed to see what was the matter.
The sleep lab equipment all crashed to the floor,
but I didn’t look back as I raced for the door.
The wires and hose flapped as I ran down the hall,
As I rounded the corner, I heard someone call,
“Merry Christmas to all, there’s gifts to unwrap,
I’ve marvellous things for your long winter’s nap.
The elves have been really quite brilliant this year.
They’ve designed some quite wonderful xpapping gear.
I have here a mask that fits one and fits all.
It just doesn’t matter if you’re big or small.
And it floats on your face like your dear mother’s kiss,
and it never will leak, no there’s never a hiss.
Here’s a really cool hose; puts rainout to a stop.
It lets through the vapour, but not the big drops.
An intelligent apap that treats you just right,
It gives perfect therapy all through the night.
And the touch of a button will print out your charts.
No more glitchy software to break your poor heart.
I’ve filters, inverters and gadgets galore,
I’ve things you won’t find in a DME store.”
Santa Claus turned to me; “Son, go back to your room.
And oh by the way, take a mop and a broom.
You’ve been just as compliant as one can be,
So you’ll find all these things under your Christmas tree.”
He nodded and smiled and he tipped me a wink.
He spun around twice and was gone in a blink.
I looked out the window to the lot far below.
And heard Santa shout through the wild blowing snow,
“On Snoredog and Goofy, Mike Moran and Titrator
Rested Gal, Padacheek, Rusty Nail and Vader.
We’ve got an appearance out at the new mall.
So up away up away up away all.”
And so; that’s the tale of my sleep lab surprise.
Merry Christmas to all, and low AHIs.

Mile High Sleeper · Post by **Mile High Sleeper** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 5:26 pm

wonderful!

birdshell · Post by **birdshell** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 5:39 pm

Thank you for a clever treatment of Hosehead-dom with a Christmas twist. I really needed a bit of a lift at the time I read it, so please know that this was a true gift from my perspective.

Karen

neversleeps · Post by **neversleeps** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 5:59 pm

Wow, Bones!! That was excellent!!!!!!

Santa Claus wrote:I have here a mask that fits one and fits all.
It just doesn’t matter if you’re big or small.
And it floats on your face like your dear mother’s kiss,
and it never will leak, no there’s never a hiss.

Let us know which mask Santa left under your tree... I've gotta get me one of those!!!!

Bookbear · Post by **Bookbear** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 7:12 pm

Inspired! Thanks, Bones!

(didn't you used to be a doctor on..... nevermind)

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 7:16 pm

Sure needed that chuckle today. Love it!
Kathy

Erin_Belli · Post by **Erin_Belli** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:05 pm

So there really is a Santa!

seenas · Post by **seenas** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:24 pm

Great! Thanks for the laugh.
Seena

mikemoran · Post by **mikemoran** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 6:57 am

Fantabulous. A perfect twist of phrase. thank you.

CollegeGirl · Post by **CollegeGirl** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 6:59 am

WOW, Bones. That's like being told by Walt Whitman, "You've written some excellent poetry there."

Hi Mike! Guess what? preemiern got me your book for my birthday! Best birthday present EVER! (And I bet it'd make a great last-minute Christmas gift, too, for all you late shoppers! Search "Mike Moran" on Amazon.com)

stoverquill · Post by **stoverquill** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:38 am

Bones, Thanks for the laugh!!

neverbetter · Post by **neverbetter** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 11:21 am

This poem is masterful. What talent! You've made my day. Thanks!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:40 pm

You brought a chuckle to this new hose-head. I don't even have my machine/mask yet, so I appreciate some jokes as I face the bare facts of finally achieving rested sleep.

deebatt · Post by **deebatt** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 2:43 pm

very cute!!!!! thanks for the holiday cheer!!

telly · Post by **telly** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 3:22 pm

Anonymous wrote:You brought a chuckle to this new hose-head. I don't even have my machine/mask yet, so I appreciate some jokes as I face the bare facts of finally achieving rested sleep.

What that guy said. ....

Mask

Additional Comments: Always treasure the satisfaction of making music out of a hunk of metal, your lips, and some air

Machine	Mask

Additional Comments: Avg. AHI .4

The Night Before Christmas (humor)

The Night Before Christmas (humor)

Nite Before Christmas Humor