Advice for sleep partner

asher · Post by **asher** » Fri Nov 24, 2006 1:35 pm

What advice do you have for a sleep partner who is having considerable difficulty adjusting to my cpap? In particular, she feels that the mask creates an insurmountable distance between us and that the sound of the very quiet machine is disturbing. It's particularly difficult since she knows I'll be using the machine forever, that is, that this is not a temporary thing.

cflame1 · Post by **cflame1** » Fri Nov 24, 2006 1:36 pm

Have you tried running a fan or some white noise in the room... maybe to drown the sound out? I know that my ceiling fan is noisier than my machine.

inacpapfog · Post by **inacpapfog** » Fri Nov 24, 2006 1:43 pm

Hopefully, things will get better with practice! A little white noise can help too! Maybe, set the sleep timer on the TV as you both fall asleep?

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Fri Nov 24, 2006 2:23 pm

Insurmountable? How long does it take you to take off the mask?

Your death would be an insurrmountable barrier. A stroke may make you incapbale of verbal communication.

Untreated sleep apnea makes many of us irritable and no fun to be with - the treatment can make things better.

Is your partner informed about what sleep apnea is all about? Maybe she need to understand the condition better.

O.

Snoozy Q · Post by **Snoozy Q** » Fri Nov 24, 2006 2:25 pm

Here's a few suggestions.
Don't put your mask on as soon as you hit the sack. Make sure you and your partner have time for bedtime conversation, cuddling and intimacy first. Wait til you're ready to actually go to sleep before you put it on.

Make certain your partner knows that you will yank that thing off your face in a New York second when either of you wants some lovin' time in the middle of the night. (put it back on as you drift back to sleep, of course).

Keep a sense of humor about your cpap gear. Encourage your partner to keep a sense of humor about it also. I don't know about you, but me with a nasal mask on looks downright silly and my husband and I joke about it from time to time. Its easy to feel close when you're sharing giggles together.

Finally, keep your cpap in perspective and help your partner do so also. I'm betting it isn't just noise and plastic on the face that is causing the problem but also having a visual/tactile/aural reminder every night that one's partner isn't indestructible but has a medical condition that needs treatment. This could be weighing heavily on your partner's mind. The thing is, though, that OSA IS treatable and the treatment is pretty reliable .

KimberlyinMN · Post by **KimberlyinMN** » Fri Nov 24, 2006 5:30 pm

I usually wait until my husband has fallen asleep before I put my mask on. We'll chitchat, etc., watch the end of whatever show was on or at least the weather and then he'll fall asleep. I tend to like to read or watch TV a bit more. I think it has helped that I don't hook myself all up right away. Although with the nasal interfaces that I have, at last I can still talk to him (compared to my full face mask) if I'm the one who is ready to fall asleep first.

I guess this really wasn't much an issue for us at all. He has laughed at the masks, even when I've been thrilled to find the ComfortCurve and the Swift that let me wear my glasses. But he knows how much better I feel with this treatment so there hasn't been any problems between the two of us.

I've always slept with either a white noise machine or a fan on. When I had the CPAP machine, I was able to shut off the white noise.. but when I switched to the Bi-PAP machine, it was too quiet and I had to turn the white noise back on. (For ME to sleep.)

I'm sorry your spouse is having acclimation issues!

Kimberly

justlearning · Post by **justlearning** » Sat Nov 25, 2006 2:24 pm

As a non-cpap user I would offer a few suggestions. First, encourage her to visit this site and learn about sleep apnea, the treatments, the equipment, expectations, struggles, etc. It is hard to relate to what a cpap user is going through when you have a normal sleep pattern and don't wake up numerous times through the night fighting to breath. This message board does, however, erase some of the mysteries and unknowns and in turn helps me understand to some degree what my partner faces. Will I ever fully understand what my partner faces, probably not but I do hope it helps me be more understanding and compassionate. Second, if the machine bothers her suggest some soft music to cover up the machine noise or suggest a good set of soft ear plugs. Finally, and most importantly keep the lines of communication open and encourage her to talk about is bothering her. You guys need to talk and talk often to help her see that the machine and mask are not barriers but in a reality a gift which will make you healthier and a part of her life.