ups and downs

[t-bone]

We all have our ups and downs with this commonality that brings us here. Thanks to many of you, I knew enough going in that I've been fortunate in the main--I've not had a lot of down moments. The one down moment I had the other night will resonate with many of you, I'm certain.

I had a moment of thinking "why can't I sleep like a normal person?" the other night, which quickly jumped to a line in a movie...The Elephant Man (I think), in which the lead character has the same lament, but for a different reason.

In a weird train of thought, my mind leapt from there to a brief rendition of "The Elephant Dance" from Walt Disney's Dumbo, complete with my mental image of myself walking from the bathroom to the bedroom wearing my mask with hose attached and swinging in time to the melody...

And I got over the sadness as I pondered the strange directions my mind often wanders!

Happy Holly Daze to you and yours!

[billybob02]

Will we (the sleep challenged) ever be normal? I too have felt the same way, I was an active healthy man and as I entered my 40's the sleep apnea god decided to repay me for being a large athletic man (18 inch neck 275 lbs) . While I accept the fact that now I have to hook up to a machine just to sleep, it bugs me that this is it, this is the treatment ....not much help from the medical industry, unless you want to have your throat basically bored out and then you may still need the machine.

To return to life without CPAP, it may only be a dream for now. However, if it is CPAP to sleep, then I choose CPAP, because without sleep - we die physically, mentally, spiritually.
BB

[inacpapfog]

I agree with BB!

choose CPAP, because without sleep - we die physically, mentally, spiritually

[Catnapper]

I had a moment of thinking "why can't I sleep like a normal person?"
_________________

Hi there t-bone,

Hey man, I feel your pain.

Try to think of it this way. If all the people who have OSA were treated, it might actually be the norm to be sleeping this way. You now are among the pioneers, someone on the leading edge of a health revolution. In time, becoming a hose head could be a rite of passage that all young people look forward to. First there is the driver’s license, then the time when you can legally buy that alcoholic beverage, then --- your first CPAP!

Just think, young girls will start a sleep chest, collecting 600-count all cotton sheets, memory foam and air mattresses. Parents will start saving early for a CPAP pajama party. A young woman might wear a Victoria Secret midnight blue sleeveless gown with star sequins on the hem, carry a matching pappillow and wear a petite nasal mask from Tiffany’s. A young man might choose the Armani twilight grey flannel pajamas with satin collar and cuffs and select the Cartier full face mask. They will be given to CPAP by their hosing parents, Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow of Sleepy Hollow. A bedtime snack of turkey sandwiches and a glass of warm milk will be served to all their sleepy friends. Music will be provided by music boxes playing the Moonlight Sonata and Brahm's Lullaby, followed by white noise machines making nature sounds and ocean wave rhythms.

Be proud t-bone, you are among the Chosen Hosen! (And you didn’t have to have the pj party!)

Sleep well and sweet dreams. Don’t let the mask bugs bite!

Catnapper

_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose, CPAP

[rested gal]

LOL, Catnapper! That was funny. I like your quirky sense of humor!!

[kteague]

Yes, this a bittersweet cpap world, but when I think back to life before cpap, life now seems sweeter and sweeter. We've gotta do what we've gotta do. The way I look at it is at least I've got options for this diagnosis. And this web site has kinda "taken the edge off" by introducing information and inspiration that helped me believe that I too can be successful at this. I have no doubt that left on my own with my sleep doc, I would at this point be digging myself deeper into a dark hole instead of climbing out of it.


And doesn't humor help?! Catnapper, what a creative mind you have - sounded like a report from the society page. While I don't expect to need to sign up for any future wedding registries (may have met my quota for this lifetime), I did just tell my daughters that all I want for Christmas is a new mask. I'd be more excited to receive that than jewelry. Not sure if that's sad or funny. But it's my life, and I'm glad to be here for it.

Kathy

[birdshell]

T-Bone,

Thank you for starting this thread. It is an interesting line of thought, and one that many surely ponder.

When my grandmother died, it was a sad time for me. Even though she had been hospitalized for 3 months and we knew that this was the end to wondering what, exactly WAS wrong--it is still hard to lose a loved one. She was very close, and really was a second mother to me.

At that time, I kept feeling "Why my grandma?"

But the intellectual part of me kept saying, "Why NOT my grandma?"


When reading your post, it made me think that when we say, "Why me?" we should also remember, "Why not me?" in regards to CPAP.

My mother was diagnosed with borderline apnea, and was given a choice of CPAP or a dental device. She said, "I'm not going to use one of those machines." However, her insurance would not pay for a dental device.

This was about 18 years ago. Now she falls asleep sitting upright on the couch, and spends most of the night sleeping there. I believe this is a form of self-treatment. This concerns me, but she is an adult and in charge of her own decisions. In saying "Why me?" she has essentially harmed her health.

If it had to be me using CPAP, I am just thankful that the technology and tweaks are available. Cpaptalk has been immensely helpful to all of us who are here regularly, and the people are exceptional.

I'm actually pretty glad that it WAS me, on the whole. My health will be monitored more closely, and I've met a bunch of wonderful folks.

[Catnapper]

birdshell,

You said it so much better than I could! Indeed, we should be thankful that we have been diagnosed and are willing and able to get treatment for a dangerous disorder. I, for one, am glad to finally have an expanation for why my health was deteriorating so steadily, and for a way to treat it that did not involve taking medication for it. True, taking a pill could be thought to be an easier thing to do than deal with CPAP therapy. But, for now, there is no pill.

My silly story above was to illustrate that people could someday celebrate the OSA diagnosis as the avenue to continued good health. Until then we have the forum to help us along the rough spots. I am glad to have such good company on the road to REM. Maybe we can celebrate by trying that new mask....

Enjoy that glass of warm milk!

the Catnapper

[krousseau]

Just back home after 2 weeks away caring for a friend dying of metastatic cancer-thankful for my life-thankful for reaching 2000 hours of XPAP-thankful for a treatment that is relatively free of side effects or discomfort (think about losing hair, unrelenting nausea and vomiting, and chemo induced heart failure)-thankful for sleep-thankful for no more night time heart arrythmias. This is a treatment I can live with and be thankful for. And like T-Bone laugh at when I look in the mirror with my gear on.

[michael_schaap]

Spending a lot of time feeling sorry for myself at the moment as well. Just finished a year since I was admited in the ER last year. I had a tumor and found out about heart conditions that eventually lead to the installation of a pacemaker/defib unit.

Everything just seems to be happening at the same time. Defib unit went off last Tuesday and still dont know exactly why. I went to the sleep lab to try out a CPAP machine and slept pretty good all considering. Actually felt much more alert for a day or so after. Now I'm back to my zombie state. Went to bed at 11 yesterday and slept till about 10am.... could not believe I slept that long. Didn't matter... I still woke up feeling like a zombie.

Going to the DME on Monday! I figured it would be better if I went to them so I know where they are and can see all the stuff there instead of them bringing what they think I need/want to the apartment and having a limited selection.

[kteague]

Michael,
My what challenges you have faced and are facing. Hopefully cpap therapy will help you begin to feel better. It took me lots of what would be considered excessive sleep to repay my sleep debt and start feeling alive again. No one can predict another's time frame, but I hope you are one of the ones whose improvement is sooner instead of later. Glad you're on top of seeking the equipment that will work best for you. Being informed and committed to making this therapy work as it is designed to do will reap you rewards. Best wishes.
Kathy

[whatrdreamsmadeof]

Most of us on cpap, myself included have felt sorry for ouRSelves and mad about this stuff. When that happens I think of pre diagnosis and that my Drs. were looking for MS. I think back to several bad falls with no warning and broken bones and casts. Most of all I think back to the 1950's and the IRON LUNG, THEN i DON'T FEEL SO BAD..........i'M SLEEPING BETTER, i'M NOT FALLING DOWN WITHOUT WARNING MOST OF ALL i DON'T HAVE THAT DEVISTATING DISEASE ms............sO, CHEER UP THIS IS NOT SOOOOOOOOOO BAD!