OT: Happy moment (and realistic expectations)

[yoshi]

I won't lie, I was a little bit bummed out. I was thinking about CPAP, mouth breathing, bruising with FFMs... feeling overwhelmed, a little bit deflated... I've been reflecting on my cpap journey so far. While it's not been perfect, in fact some of it is a little bit frustrating, I just realized something huge (to me):

I haven't woken up from flailing limbs (PLMD) since I started cpap. I realize that RLS/PLMD is usually neurological, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain over why this has been. But part of me doesn't care. Not to go into a long story but PLMD sucks, the meds (for me) were worse, and I wouldn't wish my journey on anyone. I thought I was stoked with Lunesta "giving" me a couple hours of shuteye (before cpap)... bad shuteye, but at least it was something. I hope my 28 days of not waking up and accidentally kicking the dog/swimming in my sleep isn't a weird fluke. But right now, I just have gratitude.

I think I've been focusing too hard on trying to stop awakenings from leaking air through my mouth to realize that there have been some benefit. It doesn't mean I'm not going to keep trying to find *the* mask that works for me... but it's a nice little ah-ha moment and a reminder that even though things aren't "perfect" the efforts are showing up. I won't lie, I was hoping at the beginning that CPAP would make me feel "awesome"--when I say awesome, I mean those stories you hear on commercials of "normal" people who wake up energized, top of the world, best sleep of their life... And yes, I sort of think this is fake but there's part of me that wants to believe. I'm not having "the best sleep ever", in fact I still feel a little bit of the fogginess during the day. I always thought falling asleep in minutes was a made up story, but that has been another "side effect" I've experienced--no complaints on that! So looking at this on a grand scale, I am experiencing the "best sleep" of MY life at least so far... And who knows, maybe it will get even better.

Or maybe it won't. But, I think this was just a good reminder for me to keep my expectations reasonable and not to overlook the positive. I could make a long list of small things CPAP has been for me (and perhaps I will journal it for later reflection). For me, it's easy to fixate on the one bad thing, and forget about the many little good things. Anyway, I thought I'd try to share some positive thoughts.

And BTW, many many thanks to members of this forum who have spent time answering questions... the resources have been quite helpful, and the responses to my questions are much appreciated.

[Goofproof]

It's nice to remember the things that help make our lives better. Sometimes what we see as small steps forward, are important, as a sign we are still moving forward. Jim

[Lucyhere]

Yoshi, what an uplifting post! I bookmarked it so that when I need some encouragement I can retrieve it. It really is all about the small steps.