Untreated apnea kills

[RicaLynn]

Saturday would have been my father's 72nd birthday, instead it may be a day to celebrate his life with countless friends.

My father has had severe sleep apnea all his life. He snored like a chainsaw, he was always tired when awake, he regularly feel asleep in his chair after work, when on a hunting excursion he stopped breathing so long that friends were deeply concerned. He finally had a relevant sleep study done about 12 years ago and got on CPAP, and I vividly remember him telling me his first night was "the best night's sleep in forty years!" He took to it like a duck to water and was compliant to a fault, even wore it during the day if he was just resting.

Even so, damage was already done. He had a stent placed in 2004, was on bp and cholesterol meds, had several hospitalizations for heart irregularities. His most recent stay I posted about here, after which he went to a rehab facility and then into an independent living center where there might be help if he needed it.

He called me twice this weekend, concerned that his CPAP wasn't working properly. Both times I ignored the call because I selfishly wanted time to myself after all the stress of moving him the week prior. His CPAP hadn't had replacement parts in probably two years, and being a less than tidy bachelor he did little if any maintenance other than rinsing the humidifier once in a blue moon. The mask failed sometime Friday night, as evidenced by the 1:30am voicemail I received. Sunday morning he called again saying he still couldn't get it working and if I had any ideas please let him know. Again I ignored, put off visiting our even calling to suggest sleeping upright until his DME could be contacted. Monday morning when he didn't show up in the dining room, they went to check on him and found him cold and dead in his room.

Please know that if you have apnea, you are putting stress on all your vital organs, and eventually they WILL fail. If having a mask attached to your face is what it takes to give you more time with your loved ones, you owe it to yourself to get educated, get effective treatment and keep breathing.

[chunkyfrog]

So sorry for your loss. It looks like the people in the facility where he was staying failed to do their job.
I realize you may be blaming yourself, but please lay blame where it belongs!

[49er]

RicaLynn,

My deepest sympathy for your loss.

Please don't blame yourself for not responding to his calls. Because of you, your father lived alot longer than he normally might have. You sounded like a very devoted daughter.

Again, my condolences.

HUGS!

49er

Saturday would have been my father's 72nd birthday, instead it may be a day to celebrate his life with countless friends.

My father has had severe sleep apnea all his life. He snored like a chainsaw, he was always tired when awake, he regularly feel asleep in his chair after work, when on a hunting excursion he stopped breathing so long that friends were deeply concerned. He finally had a relevant sleep study done about 12 years ago and got on CPAP, and I vividly remember him telling me his first night was "the best night's sleep in forty years!" He took to it like a duck to water and was compliant to a fault, even wore it during the day if he was just resting.

Even so, damage was already done. He had a stent placed in 2004, was on bp and cholesterol meds, had several hospitalizations for heart irregularities. His most recent stay I posted about here, after which he went to a rehab facility and then into an independent living center where there might be help if he needed it.

He called me twice this weekend, concerned that his CPAP wasn't working properly. Both times I ignored the call because I selfishly wanted time to myself after all the stress of moving him the week prior. His CPAP hadn't had replacement parts in probably two years, and being a less than tidy bachelor he did little if any maintenance other than rinsing the humidifier once in a blue moon. The mask failed sometime Friday night, as evidenced by the 1:30am voicemail I received. Sunday morning he called again saying he still couldn't get it working and if I had any ideas please let him know. Again I ignored, put off visiting our even calling to suggest sleeping upright until his DME could be contacted. Monday morning when he didn't show up in the dining room, they went to check on him and found him cold and dead in his room.

Please know that if you have apnea, you are putting stress on all your vital organs, and eventually they WILL fail. If having a mask attached to your face is what it takes to give you more time with your loved ones, you owe it to yourself to get educated, get effective treatment and keep breathing.

[palerider]

Saturday would have been my father's 72nd birthday, instead it may be a day to celebrate his life with countless friends.

*HUGS*

[RicaLynn]

Dear froggie, there's no blame to be laid at their feet. He was deemed healthy enough to be released from rehab and go home, but he was uncomfortable with the idea of staying alone so he acquiesced to our suggestion of independent living. He was not under care of assisted living, when there would have been caregivers in his room to assist with ADL's (though I would have begun pressing for that soon), merely had meals catered in the group dining room and access to the rehab facility's gym should he chose. He did mention that he'd asked the staff for some help with the CPAP but since they are not a DME and most caregivers don't have a clue about the machines they couldn't do anything for him.

[Wulfman...]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, too.

"Hugs" from me as well.


Den

.

[jagzoo]

Hugs from me too!

[Greenkat]

RicaLynn,

I am so sorry for your loss...losing a parent is among one of the most devastating things in life! I still miss by parent gone 5 & 11 years respectively...

Please don't blame yourself. I was my father's primary caregiver & understand the need you had to take some time to yourself. I had a similar experience where I did not go to visit my dad in a nursing home an hour away for almost two weeks...I was just too overwhelmed! When I returned for my usual visit the nursing staff informed me he had deteriorated & he died later that week.

Your dad probably died due to the combination of medical problems you mentioned. He may not have survived this long without your intervention.

I am sure he is thankful for it.

Kathy

[ems]

I'm so sorry. But, I know your dad wouldn't want you to blame yourself.

My sister's oldest daughter passed away 10 days ago. She and her other daughter are guilt ridden. Today she found out from the doctors that nothing they did would have helped. I feel sure it's the same in your case.

[Pugsy]

I am so sorry for your loss....sending you more hugs to go along with the others.

[tuzacat]

RicaLynn, I am so sorry for you loss!

[Merlin7]

So sorry for the loss of your father.

[RicaLynn]

Thank you all so much. Shock is wearing off, reality is creeping in, calls are coming from all over the country. He was a vivid character who left an impression on everyone he met, his light is already sorely missed. I am trying to let go of the guilt and realize that this is how he would have preferred it, rather than lingering. My daughter and I had a lazy day in today just remembering everything he taught us. I know in my head it wasn't just one issue, it was a combination of factors, but my usually MO is assume all blame... I'll get there.

[RicaLynn]

The plus side is, I now have a back up machine at no cost to me.... (yes, I'm in healthcare. The morbid sense of humor is an occupational hazard)

[jencat824]

RicaLynn,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Try to remember all the good times & all the wonderful moments you had with him. Sending you more hugs.

Jen