Snoring! Did you develop avoidance strategies? (Long post)

[notyorz]

Disclaimer: Many of us know that not everyone who snores has sleep apnea, and not everyone who has sleep apnea snores.

It seems to be a theme for this forum that everyone likes to share their experiences. Perhaps it's just for the therapeutic benefits of getting it off one's mind. I've been known to share a tale or two here, so I know how beneficial talking about something can be. Plus, it seems to bond us with others who share common ground.

I was thinking yesterday about how horribly loud my snores have been for years, all the fun things I missed out on, and the drastic measures I'd take to assure I'd sleep alone due to the embarrassment from it. Since beginning my APAP therapy, I no longer have that embarassment and that's been a huge blessing.

I snored like a freight train since I was little. In those early years, I rarely slept over a friend's house. I did a sleep over just twice in my life and I ended up staying awake most of the night so my friends wouldn't hear how bad I snored. In my late teens, I never went anywhere that required an overnight stay with someone (say a school trip, etc.).

How did I know how bad I snored? I had 3 siblings (shared a room with 1) and my whole family could hear me throughout the house when I slept. My family wasn't the best support system when I was growing up and I was teased/bullied/whatever about it constantly. I was the joke of the family with my loud gasps, door rattling and window shaking snores, and the sheer volume of them.

From my early 20's, I firmly believe snoring issues/OSA were a major negative contributing factor in most of my relationships. It hurt to be harrassed about something I felt I had no control over by boyfriends, friends, family, etc. I always had extreme headaches, exhaustion, short temper. I was married for a short time when I was 19-21. Although we had more than a few issues, my snoring, insomnia, and going through life like a zombie heavily contributed to any argument we had. I was a single mom after the divorce with no contact or support from the ex, ever after. I worked insane hours while heavily sleep deprived to make ends meet. I was an overachiever, bigtime. Worked 3 jobs to build my first house with no mortgage at 27 yrs old so I never had to rely on anyone again. I completely started planning a life of being alone. Other than my son and taking care of my father who had his stroke back then, I had very little contact with anyone other than co-workers.

By the time I hit my 30's, I still hadn't found "the one" person for me (big surprise LOL). Same issues I dealt with in my 20's were still there. My tendency to need my own space (so I could hide the fact that my sleep habits and snoring were downright horrible) was growing. If I did connect with someone and date seriously, I'd leave them wondering if they did something wrong. They would always wake up in the morning and I was nowhere to be found. I would lie awake waiting for my partner to fall asleep, then I'd slip out of the bed, get dressed, and head home to my own bed. Many times I received phone calls that started with "Where did you go? Did I do something that made you leave? Why on earth would you drive home all that way in the middle of the night?..." I lived out in the country and I often dated outside my small town - the closest 2 cities were 45 miles away. I'd travel long, dark country roads home on little or no sleep. What scares me about that to this day is that many times I drove home after being up for well over 24 hours (long days at work and a long night night out would add up quick). I am simply amazed I never fell asleep at the wheel.

In my 40's - I met someone who was completely accepting of me and all my "quirks". We married in April 2010. He has been my one true supporter through all of this. He was slightly aware and informed about OSA and what it can do to someone over time and was the one who really convinced me to get to the sleep doctor. I now know I can go to bed and get better rest. The quirks are disappearing, along with the sleep embarrassment I developed. It's a miracle that I found someone who not only had a clue about OSA, but was genuinely trying to help me conquer all the other issues that I had allowed to evolve due to non-treatment. It's been a short 2 months of therapy, but I am worlds away from the person I was.

If you did/do snore, how loud/annoying/etc. did it get to be for you (or someone you know)? Did you develop avoidance strategies to sleep by yourself, as I did all those years? Did you conjure up other ways to deal with your snoring, or did you wear your snore badge proudly? Do you feel things in your life would have worked out differently had you been diagnosed sooner?

[Maxie]

Thank you for sharing your experiences and for reminding us that no matter the source, ridicule is very painful. You are apparently a very strong person as you seem to have managed to be successful despite your problem with OSA. Both my parents were very loud snorers but I never snored and I had no idea I had a problem until my partner informed me that I would stop breathing during my sleep. Having him awaken me was more of a pain for me than the SA. Only after foot surgery was I "officially" informed that I have sleep apnea. (FYI, it's during recovery that the SA is noted because during surgery you have oxygen blowing up your nose.) Good luck as you travel on along the well lit SA road with your partner at your side. ( I shudder to think of you driving around the mountains in the dark of the night!)

[Wonderbeastlett]

I loved reading your post because it reminded me of well, me! I had avoidance issue but not because of snoring. Mine were from heavy fatigue! I would feel so tired all the time that I became a homebody! Truth is I like going out to do things but I always was sooo tired I didn't want to. My parents would want to go to the beach or shopping and I would make up excuses! I have a huge report due, im going over so and so's house etc. after they would leave I'd fall asleep to tv or a good book!

I'm 25 and married and I am still the same homebody type. I just started my therapy so hopefully my energy is restored but right now I still feel tired and want to sleep. I know exactly what you went thru!

[JoeP]

I just denied that I snored and told my wife she was crazy. "Honey, I sleep on my side or stomach, the only way you can snore is sleeping on your back" Of course the sleep study proved otherwise.

She enjoys the benefits of my CPAP as much as I do.

And just to make this longer, a funny anecdote. When I would snore she would gently nudge me, when i didnt respond i would get an elbow and if it continued she would end up shoving me with both hands to wake me.

So one night I wake up around 2am and feel like i had been kicked in the groin. I got up and tried to walk it off but no luck. I finally woke her up and asked how bad I was snoring for her to knee me in the groin? She denied it of course, but I knew better. Laid back down to go back to sleep but the pain kept getting worse. Back up, pacing around, no relief. In the tub, no relief. Laying on the floor in a fetal position with tears in my eyes, no relief.


An hour later i was in the ER getting morphine shots while i passed a kidney stone.

[notyorz]

I loved reading your post because it reminded me of well, me! I had avoidance issue but not because of snoring. Mine were from heavy fatigue! I would feel so tired all the time that I became a homebody! Truth is I like going out to do things but I always was sooo tired I didn't want to. My parents would want to go to the beach or shopping and I would make up excuses! I have a huge report due, im going over so and so's house etc. after they would leave I'd fall asleep to tv or a good book!

I'm 25 and married and I am still the same homebody type. I just started my therapy so hopefully my energy is restored but right now I still feel tired and want to sleep. I know exactly what you went thru!

Maybe I should rename the thread to include more than just snoring There are so many areas of our lives that SA disturbs. I had snoring on my mind as an example because it was one of the things I was thinking about lately that effected my life so profoundly. I did some crazy things to avoid sleeping anywhere but in my own bed. I feel I missed out on what a normal life would have been like. If I hadn't been so stubborn in resisting my diagnosis and given the hose a try years ago, there are many areas of my life that I firmly believed would have turned out differently. I figured SA played a big part in messing up my life for the first 43 years. The next 43 will be under my control (and if I mess it up, then it's a life well lived LOL).

I understand exactly what you mean about the fatigue! Excessive daytime sleepiness and exhaustion was very severe for me the last 4-5 years and I can remember being in my late teens and being exhausted. Still, I continued my every day routines, through all of it. No one seemed to understand how terribly difficult it was to make it through from day to day. They chalked it up to depression, hypochondria, etc. I knew better, but never thought in a million years that I could adapt to the mask. I feared getting the diagnosis. It was easier to deny it by avoidance for all that time.

I look at pictures of me taken in a time frame of just 3 months to 2 years ago and the difference between then and one taken last week is phenominal! You can SEE the internal hell written all over my face. I am just now losing that zombie look. I may get brave and post a before and after, for chits and giggles. Maybe it will help some of the new people struggling to hang in there. Heck, then again, maybe it'll just give them a good laugh.

I figured I couldn't have been the only one to develop avoidance strategies. I just had to post and use a common example that resulted in perhaps some not so uncommon results.

[notyorz]

< SNIP>

"Honey, I sleep on my side or stomach, the only way you can snore is sleeping on your back" Of course the sleep study proved otherwise.


...An hour later i was in the ER getting morphine shots while i passed a kidney stone.

Same here. My results were 100% side sleeping. Amzed the doctor and the sleep tech


LOVED the anecdote! OMG how funny that you thought she gave a knee to your "boys"! Even funnier was the "I knew better" phrase... You just knew she did it LOL. Your poor wife; being blamed when she was innocently sleeping!

[Wonderbeastlett]

You know I'm still young and I feel as though a lot of time has been wasted for me as well. My husband and I love to go to friends houses and go to restraints together. This past year and half has been so bad for me all our friends no longer invite us because we'd always say no. I live in Florida and have only been to the beach twice! I never thought anything about it until I was diagnosed. I thought I was just an overly tired and boring person! Now I look back and think wow if a teenager can be affected this is serious! So I make my treatment serious!

[JohnO]

If you did/do snore, how loud/annoying/etc. did it get to be for you?

I've been snoring loudly for at least 15 years. I'm in my mid-late 40's. If I go camping, others in the cabin or tent are sure to let me know about it the next morning. I often move to another room to let my wife sleep better. Vacations have been hard - often trying to get a suite, so there can be a solid door between the bedroom, and the other room to provide some noise dampening. I try very hard to stay awake and let others around me fall asleep first. That seems to help them. Last summer, I was at a hotel (alone) (good, solid construction) and I received a phone call on the room phone telling me I was snoring too loudly! My father snored loudly too. He probably had sleep apnea, but I don't think it was a regularly diagnosed condition 20 years ago.

If I end up on a CPAP machine (sleep study in two weeks) I'm hoping that one benefit (for those around me) is reduced snoring noises. I have never (knowingly) bothered myself with my snoring

[notyorz]

I grew up in the Hollywood-Ft. Lauderdale area and lived in FL until 4 years ago when I moved up here to the mountains to escape the summer heat. I stopped going to the beach when I was about 16 and like you, I never thought anything about it. I was just too tired to pack all the things up for the day and go. Weird, huh? Too tired to pack a few towels and a beach bag. I was a mess.

I hear you about being on the non-invite list. I think that's why I faded into that solitary type life. My friends got tired of hearing me say no. I'm now trying to reconnect with them and with some family members with whom I've let relationships slide.

Ok. I just gotta ask. What do you mean by "husband and you like to go to restraints together"? I'm sure what I'm thinking it is HAS to be way off base LOL! Curiosity killed the cat...

[Wonderbeastlett]

Bahaha I could see how anyone would be curious! I meant resteraunts we love to go to resteraunts! Lol these stupid iPods and their auto-corrects!

[big_dave]

If you did/do snore, how loud/annoying/etc. did it get to be for you?

Last summer, I was at a hotel (alone) (good, solid construction) and I received a phone call on the room phone telling me I was snoring too loudly!

Once when I stayed in a cheap motel with thin walls, every time I dozed off, someone in one of the other rooms pressed the button for their car alarm. I didn't sleep at all that night. When I returned to the motel the next night, I slept for twelve hours. The morning after the next (third) night, I woke up to very persistent, loud wall-banging. Once I was fully awake, I realized that I was in my own bed, and there was no one else in the house to make noise. I could have only been remembering what had happened the second night while I was out cold.

[SleepDepraved2]

My husband and I both snore. My sister says that I snored when we shared a room back when we lived at home with our parents. When I would stay with friends during college, I always would warn them that I snored.

At home, I used to wait until my husband went to bed and fell asleep first. He was working, I was a SAHM, so I could always nap during the day. Once he is out, he is usually out cold.

Now that he's home on disability, he has spent a lot of nights falling asleep in front of the TV, since I am working now and he doesn't. Now that CPAP has changed my snoring habits, he tends to sleep more at night in our bed than he used to. But he's bipolar, so he can spend a lot of time awake when he's more on the manic side, or as manic as his meds will let him get.

He has been very impressed with the results of my CPAP experience and has scheduled a new sleep study with the clinic I went to, rather than the one his psychiatrist referred him to the first time. They only offered him one kind of mask at his titration study, so hopefully the clinic I went to will give him a better result. I think more sleep can only help his other comorbidities, including the bipolar, which is atypical and hard to treat.

I used to get palpitations which I always put down to the Synthroid I take. Eight years ago, I had my thyroid removed because I had cancer. Since going on CPAP, no more palpitations.