Maybe y'all can help with this one?

[esangston]

Long story short. Don't have anywhere else to turn and I figure OSA and narcos have a lil in common being sleep related issues so maybe y'all can help me out with this issue as I don't have anyone else to ask... The narcolepsy forums are a joke...

So today was my first appt with my sleep doc since being on cpap. I've been off my dexedrine for over a week and when doc walked in, I was asleep lol... So We were talking about how the cpap seems to be helping a little, but obviously there's something else wrong... (i also learned my precpap ahi was 38, and not the 12 i thought) He was about to tell me where we go from here to figure out why I'm still tired when he asked how my husbands been, as he is also my hubby's narcolepsy doc. This was my first time seeing him, alone, with no hubby, and after finding out my hubbys been lying to me and his doc regarding taking his meds (as i found bottles f them in his car, nearly full....) and due to his constant tardiness at work he's about to lose his job... (yeah lifes been he'll over here the past 2 week or so... But on the plus side, my almost 1 year old is now walking so I just keep thinking about that)... And the day after he gets written up and finds out he's about to lose his job, they put him on medical leave so they can verify he's not a threat at work on the zyrem, which he's not even taking. Ya know you don't want someone working at your local nuclear power plant who gets medically dosed with ghb every night right... So I've been stuck with him at home for the past going on 3 weeks, until the corporate drs figure out the zyrem doesnt make him unfit for work...And our dr, just HAD to ask me how he was doing...

I told the dr the truth... He's barely taking his daytime med, has only taken 2 doses of zyrem since he got it and he's about to lose his job. The dr gets mad at me.. Telling me I need to make sure he takes at least the nuvigil and I have 2 months to get him compliant or he's required to notify his job, which he will prob already have lost by then but just in case... And the DMV, who will revoke hubby's license. The doc told me to get him to understand what he has to lose... I have told him everything, multiple times now. I've pulled the what if scares about if he falls asleep behind the wheel. I've even tried to play that scenario of the kids being in the car... I told him why I don't leave the kids with him... And after some serious thought, I've recently told my hubby that unless he starts taking care of himself and doing what the dr tells him to do so he won't be late anymore, the kids and I will be leaving... I can't put our kids thru another whole house sell off cause hubby lost his job. Not to mention we are just getting back on our feet from the last jobless,which I recently learned he did lose because he was always late... and not for the reasons he told me when it happened.

It's always been an issue with him I just thought the meds werent working anymore and he was being lazy and not telling the dr or looking for a fix. He has never done the lifestyle changes required to help narcolepsy so I blamed that. I'll go to bed and wake up in the wee hours of the morning to find my husband glued to the xbox. He will come home after full day of work... Stay up all night... And then drive to work again. I didnt know he just stopped taking the meds. In 4 months, he's probably taken 20 pills. The medicine doesn't do anything bad to him or cause any bad side effects. He just won't take it.

So joys... I've got 2 months to get him compliant... I've tried just about any and everthing.... I haven't told hubby what his doc said... Im alil worried how he's gonna handle the fact that I told his dr. I thought the dr could offer me some insight on what to do, but the only thing he told me was "I don't care if you have to chop up his medicine and make him snort it..." thanks doc.

I think The saying that best fits this problem would be you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink... We all have to take personal responsibility to make our life better. Unfortunately for a narcoleptic, he really doesn't have a choice in taking the meds, but he can choose how to change his life and make it easier to deal with narco by just going to bed a little earlier.

How do you convince someone that treatment is in their best interest?

[BlackSpinner]

Yes well you know he is an adult not a two year old. He is responsible for himself.
Grab him by the collar and tell him what you told the doctor and what the doctor said and tell him to grow up, shape up or ship out.
You have done all the supportive stuff and it isn't working. YOU are not responsible to make him take his meds.

It is time for a little tough love and time to protect yourself and the kids.

[chunkyfrog]

I have to agree with Blackspinner.
I'm sure you love him, but you cannot be his mother.
You need to make sure that you and your kids will be provided for--and their daddy may not be able to do that.
If you do not have any job skills, you may need to start thinking of yourself as a potential breadwinner.
You may have a tough time ahead of you; but remember this:
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, and you are stronger than you may believe you are.

[xenablue]

Ditto what BlackSpinner and chunkyfrog said.

Just to add - please ask your husband if he has all his paperwork up to date, and insurance policies are paid up - you need to know your family will be taken care of if he doesn't make it through ignoring his health issues.

IMHO, he's behaving very selfishly by putting himself in this position with a wife and young family to take care of. My dear, it is NOT your responsibility - you are not his keeper - you are his partner.

I don't mean to sound, well.. mean, but just like diabetics who ignore their health and end up a burden to their families due to amputations and/or dialysis etc., in a worst case scenario, you could end up being caretaker for hubby.

Sorry you have to deal with his selfishness.

Take care.
xena

[esangston]

I was kinda hoping y'all would say that... I'm raising 3 kids pretty much by myself already and adding a 28 year old just isn't in the mix. I've done absolutely everything I could think of, and in the end, you can't help someone who doesn't want the help. I told our doc hoping that he could help me, didn't expect him to tell me to be his momma. Im giving him til he goes back to work. If he's putting a valid effort in then ok. If not. I've already got a back up plan for the kids and myself. Although him losing his job means I lose my med insurance, and probably lose my cpap too. Not sure how all that works but I believe they just bought it so I shouldn't lose it. I'd cry if the cpap repo man shows up at my door lol. Thanks for the support... I guess I knew what y'all would say but at the same time I just needed to hear it.

@xena his life ins is thru his job but if he say, dies in a car wreck and they discover he hasn't been taking his meds, they won't pay anything. Furthermore if he gets into a wreck and doesn't die, the person he hits could sue if they found out he wasn't taking his meds and has narco... At which point we would still be screwed. It's only a matter of time in my opinion. He drives an hour each way to work.

I'm already his caretaker... I have to alter my life drastically just to compensate for his lack of concern for his issues. I can not leave him with the kids, and if i have to, im calling all the time and usually talk to my kids more than him cause hes passed out... At one point I was staying up all night til I had to wake him up, popping my dexedrine and sleeping for an hour or two and waking up with the kids. Asking someone to sacrifice their own health just so you can be lazy isn't right. And putting your children in danger because your selfish is just plain stupid. I realize the fixes don't solve it completely. But if all you had to do to improve your quality of life and that of your family, was to take a med and go to bed at a decent hour, wouldn't you?

[robysue]

Ditto to what Blackspinne, chunkyfrog, and xenablue have said.

I will add this: You have a tremendous amount on your plate. You may need help coping; if you do need help, then ASK for it---don't try to do everything all by yourself. Since you are worried about losing YOUR cpap, start finding out about what happens about that NOW. The last thing you need right is to lose your CPAP just when your husband loses the job and you start implementing your back up plan to take care of yourself and the kids.

It's time to read hubby the riot act: Tell him the doctor ASKED you about how he was doing and that you felt obliged to tell the truth to the doc. Tell him that YOU AGREE with the doctor: That if he doesn't shape up and become compliant that you WILL indeed let the doctor know and that the doctor will be legally required to contact the DMV and his employer. Hell, I think YOU ought to tell hubby yourself that you feel some moral obligation to tell the DMV yourself if he doesn't start working on becoming compliant: Remember it's not only your hubby that is at risk when he's driving---if he falls asleep at the wheel, he could kill or maim innocent people. Yes, your family will be screwed financially, but if/when your husband falls asleep at the wheel and causes an accident, the very lives of the other victims (and their families) will be shattered forever and through no fault of their own.

Tell hubby that you ARE willing to HELP him become compliant, but that ultimately HE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for becoming compliant. And if he WANTS your help, then have him sign a written agreement between you and him with conditions that YOU impose. As one of the conditions, I think you should insist on getting rid of the xBox that he is using to keep himself awake all night long.

And if he's not willing to take responsibility for becoming compliant? Lower the boom NOW and tell him that you have already got a back up plan in place to insure that you and the kids are SAFE and NOT EXPOSED to the dangers that he is currently selfishly foisting upon his family. And then follow through and take care of yourself and the kids.

[esangston]

Riot act? Heading to google now. Not sure what that is

[chunkyfrog]

Just a guess; but your hubby might also need to be checked out for depression.
Guys can get it too.

[DrPepper00]

Riot act? Heading to google now. Not sure what that is

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-read- ... t-mean.htm

[RocketGirl]

I'm already his caretaker... I have to alter my life drastically just to compensate for his lack of concern for his issues. I can not leave him with the kids, and if i have to, im calling all the time and usually talk to my kids more than him cause hes passed out... At one point I was staying up all night til I had to wake him up, popping my dexedrine and sleeping for an hour or two and waking up with the kids. Asking someone to sacrifice their own health just so you can be lazy isn't right. And putting your children in danger because your selfish is just plain stupid. I realize the fixes don't solve it completely. But if all you had to do to improve your quality of life and that of your family, was to take a med and go to bed at a decent hour, wouldn't you?

The only thing I'd add to what's been said already is this: you have done so much, and it hasn't worked. To continue serving as his caretaker, nursemaid, alarm clock AND wife is not only unfair to your kids, but you're enabling your husband's behavior by compensating for all of his failings. The guy is a grownup, he fibbed to you about why he lost the last job; he knows full well what he's doing, and even if he is depressed, he is still the only person who can make the decision to do something about that, or anything else. And he has not made that decision despite all the evidence given him.

I understand (boy do I understand) why you have tried so hard to help him, and it was well worth a try, but now it's time to focus on your kids and yourself.

Also: your doctor was wrong, wrong, wrong to put this all on you. No adult can make another adult change (or even try), if they don't want to. No adult can make another one do anything they don't want to do, when you come right down to it.

Good luck.

[SleepingUgly]

WHY is he not taking the daytime medication? What reason does he give for that?

What's his reason for not taking Xyrem?

And what's with this:

He will come home after full day of work... Stay up all night... And then drive to work again.

That doesn't sound like someone who is excessively sleepy...

Any chance he's using non-prescribed drugs or alcohol?

[portiemom]

One small tip here, give yourself a timeline and tell that to your hubby, you must have a date that you will NO longer accept this behavior, stick to it, and get your NEW life going for you and your children. It may be easier said then done, but I did it, and at the time it was just me and two kids, no family, didn't drive a car, never wrote checks for bills, new state, I asked for help and guidance and got it, prayed a lot too and everything and everyone that helped me was placed there so I could have the life I was meant to live. If you need moral support, we are all here!

[idamtnboy]

How do you convince someone that treatment is in their best interest?

What you are describing sounds an awful lot the same as what a lady was telling me years ago about her alcoholic husband. You've got a combination problem of him not taking real responsibility for his actions, his lying and putting up a front to fool everyone, and you quite possibly inadvertently enabling him because you love him and want to help him, and you need him.

Even though it's not alcohol that is the problem, see if you can find an Al Anon group close by and talk to them. You may not be permitted to join them but I'm sure one or more of them will give you guidance and help about how to deal with this. Tough love is probably what it will take, and that, sadly, may mean letting him crash to the bottom.

Turn to your minister and church for help. If you don't have one, find one.

[Mr Bill]

My quick response... Ask him if he will read a little on this site. He is not just risking loosing his job. He is risking heart attack or loosing his life. Maybe he will become more compliant if he know the stakes are higher than he thinks.

[SleepingUgly]

My impression of what the OP wrote is that he will also lose his driver's license if he doesn't become compliant.