I am very worried and need advice

[RocketGirl]

Acheron, everything you've posted here suggests that you are a person with inner strength who has tackled problems before, and won (losing 40 pounds is a significant and difficult accomplishment, for instance, and you did it). That doesn't tally with the sense of helplessness you've got. I think that's the depression and sleep deprivation talking. It's not the real you talking.

A lot of really good advice has been offered, but I'm hearing a sense that you feel hopeless and unable to take it, blocked in every direction. That's not uncommon when so many problems are assaulting you at once. To break through that, can you choose one thing, just one, to tackle and push against first?

Maybe tackling them all at once is too overwhelming, but a lot of times you can push back on one at a time, and succeed (especially with support like you're getting here). And that's a stepping stone to the next one and the next.

Cut one out of the herd, and run it to ground. What would be the one thing you feel you might be able to focus on and do something about, right now?

[avi123]

I still believe that antidepressant treatment is in order. Either psychological counseling (psychotherapy) or medications.

Check this:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depres ... -and-drugs

[robysue]

Acheron,

You really do have a lot on your plate right now. And RocketGirl has some good advice when she writes:

I'm hearing a sense that you feel hopeless and unable to take it, blocked in every direction. That's not uncommon when so many problems are assaulting you at once. To break through that, can you choose one thing, just one, to tackle and push against first?

Maybe tackling them all at once is too overwhelming, but a lot of times you can push back on one at a time, and succeed (especially with support like you're getting here). And that's a stepping stone to the next one and the next.

Cut one out of the herd, and run it to ground. What would be the one thing you feel you might be able to focus on and do something about, right now?

So perhaps the very first baby-step in restoring your life is to try to answer that question of RocketGirl's.

And my own advice is don't necessarily focus on the problem that you think is most critical to solve, but focus for now on the problem that you think might be easiest to solve. Because a small success in dealing with one thing may help get some of your confidence back.

[robysue]

Acheron wrote:

Yes, I do have depression. ... I'm 51 and alone and this is only getting worse as I get older, and now with OSA and needing a CPAP machine there's no way I would ever consider having an intimate relationship with someone.

and

It's hard to explain but I suspect deep down that they have all grown into a big ball that feeds back on itself -- depression leads to loneliness and lack of relationships and lack of activity that leads to obesity and lack of love and support and having no one to care about until by now it's all just gotten overwhelming and unfixable. I don't really want to die but anymore I'm feeling that I don't really care if I do, and realistically its about due anyway, I've never felt that way before.

The depression does seem to be serious (and understandable, given your circumstances). And it's clear that with the depression, the apnea, the CPAP, and everything else that seems to be going wrong right now, you are feeling mighty lonely and disconnected from the rest of humanity.

So I'll throw out an off the wall suggestion that won't cost you anything, will not fix any of the health problems, but may make at least a marginal positive difference in your life: As bad as you feel, you can still be of value to somebody---find a place to volunteer your time and talent if only for an hour or two a week. Find a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter to volunteer at---just once a week for an hour or two. Or even volunteer at a place like a Goodwill store or a Salvation Army store for an hour a week or so. It will help you feel like you are indeed still part of society and that you can indeed contribute something back.

Like I said, this won't solve any of your real medical problems. But it will allow you to reconnect with your community and feel less lonely. And that's a step towards dealing with some of the depression issues and recovering enough strength to start the long, slow task of dealing with the health issues. And who knows, by volunteering your time at an organization that works with people who are even less well off than you are, you might find someone who can give you some strategies for finding a way to pay for the health insurance that you so badly need.

Best of luck

[Kairosgrammy]

You sound depressed and/or anxious to me. I had problems with that and it effects sleep. You do sound like you need another sleep study to see what is going on. You also need to be this honest with your sleep doctor. He can't help you if he doesn't have the whole picture. Please get some help.

I am very worried right now and need some advice from those here with experience with OSA.

I've been using a CPAP machine for about 1.5 years, with limited success. But in the last 2 months (or so) things have really gone downhill. I am sleeping very poorly and feel lousy all the time. And I can't even seem to sleep anymore without the mask.

What has me worried right now is that I just took a nap, about 45 minutes without the machine, and right now I feel as bad as bad as I ever have and honestly wonder if I haven't just had a stroke. I was lying on my side, which usually worked in the past for naps, but this time caught myself not breathing as I was napping and jerking awake. I have a headache and feel like I haven't slept for a week.

I have an appointment with my sleep doctor in a week, but I don't expect much to come of it. I've tried higher pressures (15-20 Auto), but couldn't keep the mask from leaking. I'm now back to 14 straight. I sleep through the night, but am usually tired and, lately, almost unable to work or do anything much throughout the day.

I'm almost afraid to go back to sleep right now, with or without the machine.

Making all this worse is that I have no health insurance and enough in savings that I don't qualify for any assistance programs. (I had state-sponsored insurance for 6 months, but then lost it.) I'm already spending about $300/month just for the basic health care I need -- any trips to specialists are out of the question. I don't know if something else is wrong with me or if it's just the sleep problem.

I honestly think I am coming to the end of my life. I do. I'm only 51, but my health has really spiraled down in the last 5 years and I don't know how to stop it. And I don't even think I mind if things come to an end -- I just don't want to have a stroke and be impaired. (That happened to my father and it was pathetic.) I'm alone too and don't have anyone for help or support, and this savings I have is all I have to live on if/when I can't be productive. (I never make more than about $25K/yr anyway.)

Has anyone possibly been in a somewhat similar position and had things improve?

[Acheron]

Thanks for the replies. I went to an Urgent Care Clinic yesterday and found, at least, that I wasn't having a stroke.

I still feel really lousy though. I appreciate the suggestions, and I know I should have another sleep study, etc., but I don't have insurance and can't afford such things and don't qualify for financial assistance and they simply aren't options. If you have insurance it might be hard to understand what is and isn't possible for the uninsured.... 45,000 Americans die every year from lack of health insurance, and I fully expect to be one of them. This is what our country is and the status quo isn't going to change anytime soon and certainly not soon enough for me.

[David Carolina]

Im very sorry for your struggles. I hate giving advice, but in this case, I'll share a few things that have helped me. I hope they help you.

1. Your central nervous system is obviously overtaxed, and I would recommend the drug "clonazepam" or "klonopin" (generic) to help you feel better. It was developed in the fifties as an antihistamine but became a miracle drug like aspirin----it soothes the central nervous system and respiration problems to a managable level. I couldnt survive without it. It does not give you a buzz, instead, it helps you function. I have friends with MS who have been using it
for over 20 years.

2. A liquid diet or non carb diet to get to ideal weight.

3. Surgery, if you can afford it.

4. Obviously, a cardiac workup beforehand.

5. Use the dental appliance, the backpack to prevent backsleeping, and elevate your head as much as possible.

6. Abstain from all alcohol. Its a depressant that both causes apnea and sleeping respiratory problems.

7. Study natural medicines and the gut. Many physiological problems are caused by leaky gut syndrome, which causes autoimmune problems, which cause food allergies, which can cause all manner of other problems. Consider giving up milk and caffeine and possibly gluten for a period of time to see if it helps.

8. Be your own physician. Nobody cares about your health more than you do. Trust your instincts. Take bold and drastic steps and you will find
the results you seek.

9. Finally, consider using 02 or a hyperbaric chamber. Oxygen may be needed at this point.

[Acheron]

David, I appreciate your suggestions, and I have been reading the replies here and thinking about what I can do. It's frustrating, though, to read that I should get a cardio workup, sleep test, explore medications, etc. These things simply aren't options to people without health insurance. They're impossibly expensive. Just going to my sleep doctor next week for a 20 minute appointment costs at least $204, and that's if it doesn't go longer or he codes it differently. I think -- they can't tell me beforehand what it will cost, and I've asked -- twice.

I admit I am very angry about the insurance situation in this country, and that anger is consuming part of me. I don't understand why others who have no insurance aren't also angry -- or if those who see the trend of premiums aren't worried and angry. The cost of a yearly policy for a family of 4 is now $19,000/yr, has doubled in the last 10 years, and is expected to double again in the next 10 years. Who is going to have health insurance at that point? And who really expects politicians to do anything about this? They cannot and will not do anything without the approval of the industry, and that (very profitable) industry cares about profits and not people's health. The massive corruption in our country is killing people.

[Pugsy]

Can you come up with $40 for the card reader so you can use the software and see your own cpap machine reports to check to see if there is anything there that might need improving...which might improve how you are feeling?
I know you have problems other than sleep apnea but perhaps confirming that your OSA therapy is optimal or not would at least take that worry off your shoulders. If therapy isn't optimal then we can come up with ideas to improve on it but without reports we have zero idea if anything needs work.

Wouldn't hurt and sure might help a lot. I don't have a card reader anymore (I have a M series machine for backup now that I used for 2 years) for your machine anymore or I would just give one to you. If you can get a card reader I can help you with the software and won't cost you a dime for the software and I am a pretty good hand at helping with software.

I know there is so much out there that is simply beyond your means right now but the card reader isn't a huge expense.. I had a card reader...gave it to someone else that didn't have much money.
http://www.directhomemedical.com/101435 ... eader.html
Smart card $10 on same page as the DT 3500 Infineer.. here which is $40 plus * & $8 for S & H..

This is doable. Someof the other ideas are great ideas but finance prevent good intentions.

I can't promise that with software we will find something that will make you a new man but we might and even if it is only a small thing...it might impact how you feel much more positively then you think.

Time for action. now. Make a plain. Educate your self on your sleep apnea and the reports and what needs to be done to help you fill somewhat better.

PLEASE.

DO something....that is making an effort to take control of this part of you life. Yo won't ge sorry.
Do what you have to do to get the data that is sitting on you machine that might help you a lot.
There is no reason in the world why you should look at your own reports.

[Acheron]

Pugsy, you're right, there are things I could do. I guess the sad but frank truth is that I just don't care very much anymore, and I no longer believe that things will improve much, if any. And I've tried for decades. I am running out of fight.

[Julie]

PUGSY - You have a PM... J.

[deju357]

Seems we have alot of things in common, I have lots of problems with removing my mask at night...if you ever want to talk, pm me....

[idamtnboy]

Acheron, check your PMs.