Newlywed & Newly diagnosed!

[toosexyformycpap1]

I am brand new to this forum. This is my second time trying to past so hope it works. I just got married in September to an amazing and supportive man. I also JUST got a brand new sexy CPAP! I have two big sleep adjustments:

1. Due to our beliefs, we did not cohabitate or co-sleep before marriage. So we are not accustomed to sharing a bed with each other (or anyone). I am 5'3, 125 lbs, petite framed. I do not snore or move around at night. *I* have been diagnosed with sleep apnea! Hubby is a giant 6'4, 250 lbs, sexy football player build. He snores, moves around, tosses all night long, and talks through his sweet dreams, but gets a wonderful, restorative sleep and wakes up refreshed the next morning. I am a light sleeper and am trying to adjust to co-sleeping with someone taking up 3/4 of our queen-sized bed. His movements and snoring wake me quite a few times at night.

2. I just brought home my brand new, sexy CPAP, Victoria's Secret style. Hubby is very supportive and understanding. I wait till he falls asleep and then I mask up. My problem is that I am trying to adjust to the mask, the airflow, etc. as a new CPAP user, but hubby's unintentional snoring and movements (shaking the bed when he turns over), wake me. So when I think I may otherwise be remaining asleep with my mask on, I wake and feel uncomfortable. I wake to a fully wake state, get up, get a drink, come back put on my mask and return to sleep. Do it all over again an hour later. After the fourth time, I am taking the mask off so that I can avoid discomfort and "get some sleep." Hubby doesn't mind my CPAP, sleeps through the whole night and wakes up for nothing. I am the one waking up all night long.

I just know you all will help me! I would like advice concerning relationships and sleeping...how important is it to cuddle and touch at night? I don't want to get my marriage off to a bad start but I would really like to get separate beds (maybe twins?) I just don't know if a king-sized bed would solve the problem. I mentioned it once, and he was NOT thrilled about that idea. But really, how much intimacy goes on with your "sexy" mask at night anyway? And isn't our goal to stay in a sound sleep? So how could we cuddle anyway? We could cuddle at other times, right? Am I being selfish? Why do I never hear of people getting twin beds? Am I being naive about how much whoopi should be going on after you've fallen asleep?

Side notes: He came with a cat. It's his "baby." She walks on me at night and wakes me. Drives me crazy. Hubby has not agreed to ban her from the bedroom. She is 16 yrs old and used to sleeping in the bed.

What am I going to do when we have our own baby?! OMG...pregnancy and sleep apnea....or new baby and sleep apnea.....NO!!!!!!!!!

Can't wait to hear what you think!

[NightMonkey]

Hubby is a giant 6'4, 250 lbs, sexy football player build. He snores, moves around, tosses all night long, and talks through his sweet dreams, but gets a wonderful, restorative sleep and wakes up refreshed the next morning.

Someone is in denial. "Snoring, moving around, tossing all night long, and talking" is mutually exluse with "wonderful, restorative sleep, and waking up refreshed."

The incidence of sleep apnea in the general population is very high and it is even higher amount football players.

Assuming he is a young person, your husband's condition will only get worse as he ages. Better to have a sleep study and get therapy started now.

See also -> viewtopic.php?f=1&t=70718&p=653640&hili ... te#p653640

[Kody]

First thing I would do is a get a King Size Bed. I'm 6'2" 235 and like to stretch out. With the Wife and a Dog or 2 even the King Size bed seems small at times. Both of us use a machine, so it's not a problem, although with hoses etc. it's better to have a bigger bed in my opinion. I would toss the cat out, but if he's very attached to it could be a problem. You say he's an understanding guy that's a plus, because he's going to need to be supportive of your Cpap usage. As far as your waking up a lot goes, it does take some time to get used to the machine and mask, but you need to keep it on all the time so you'll get used to it. You don't want to get into the habit of taking it off to sleep. Good luck, and be sure to register there are a lot of helpful people here.

[Starlette]

Welcome.

1st - I love your logon name! Love it. Awesome attitude.

2nd - You can make your cpap as big or small a problem in the bedroom as you want, up to you. All your questions to touching, cuddling and sex can be answered this way: What would you do if cpap wasn't a part of your life? The cuddling, touching and sex are no different. Just have to time it differently is all. For me, I have my cpap and mask ready to go when the lights go out. Then I scoot over to DH and hang out with him When we're both ready to say goodnight, I scoot over back to my side of the bed and mask up for the night.

You asked: "But really, how much intimacy goes on with your 'sexy' mask at night anyway?" Answer: The same as it would be without it.

3rd - Bed: A year ago September 2010, we got a temperpedic bed (queen size). For us, it was the best investment we ever made for our bedroom !!! No kidding. For too long our bedroom was a battlezone due to the way we slept, pretty much like you and your DH.

Starlette

[xenablue]

Hubby and I have a California King - neither of us is small, and we both love our sleeping space - it works great for us both. The idea of separate beds makes me shudder - just MHO and I'm no newlywed!

My husband is 100% supportive of my CPAP needs and there is no way I would 'hide' masking up from him. We have no problems with intimacy and we can still snuggle in bed with him spooning me. OK - kissing is a tad tricky with the mask on LOL, but we've learned to work around CPAP so our relationship isn't affected at all. Masking up takes much longer than demasking so you can still be spontaneous - DH was amazed at how quickly I could remove my mask and chinstrap

You'll get lots of great ideas from the good people here. It sounds like your hubby could benefit from a sleep study to see why he snores so much and moves around - you could end up with duelling XPAPS.

Cheers,
xena

[toosexyformycpap]

Thank you for the welcome!

My feelings regarding my CPAP are not embarrassment...and my desires would be to cuddle at night, even with the mask on. The reason I wait to put the mask on is that he falls asleep within 5 minutes and I don't want to disturb him so I just wait the 5 minutes. My questions have to do with adjusting to this thing...that I'm using for the first time...this air blowing in my nose..while I am waking a lot. I am getting frustrated that I can't stay asleep with the mask on, because of hubby's movement and the cat on the bed. That is more of my issue. He's not sleep-disturbed, according to DH. Maybe I need an adjustment period and then it won't seem like I need my own bed to get used to this? I am just really frustrated and it is not romantic but I can deal with it...I just don't want to form bad habits, so it's kind of a crucial time for me...that I take the right steps now to manage this.

As for hubby's sleep issues...he is not tired in the daytime. He sleeps well through the whole night. I believe that he is just a "mover." Even while awake, he's not quite comfy in daily activities, can't sit still, and fidgets a lot. My standard sized sofas are "too small" for him to be comfy and he winds up reclining on the floor. He's not comfy in the car. Our standard sized counters are low to him, etc. I guess he would move around less with a Calif. King. I am suspecting that his sleep habits are fairly normal (he probably switches positions every few hours after being asleep), but his size makes the whole bed shake and I wake up. He does snore, but I don't think it is disturbing him at all and I don't think he would have a desire to have a sleep study done. I am envious that once he's asleep, he is sound asleep and remembers nothing. We have conversations he doesn't remember. Now that I think of it, he does drink a lot of caffeine though. Maybe he's not as energetic as I think! Do all snorer have apnea? (I am not a chronic snorer, and was shocked with my diagnosis! My sleep study was done for other symptoms).

Basically, if I cuddle and spoon with him all night, I'm going to get kicked, jabbed, etc. and wake up. And feel that air blowing in. And want to take it off. I don't like it at all yet. I am going through feelings of "if I just take it off, I will get fresh air and breathe so I can sleep."

Trying to be positive!! Thank you for your advice!

[squid13]

Don't worry about the cat, it will get use to you,your in it's domain now. We have 3 of them and one just loves to sleep up by my head but there is no amount of money that could buy her, I just adjust.

[Pugsy]

Get a king size bed or Cal King if you can. Also get one with a type of mattress that when he moves...you don't.
I am 4'11 small & petite..my husband is 6'2" and around 250 lbs. Big muscular man. We got a king size bed last December (he can move and I don't) and it made a huge difference in the wake ups I had every time he moved or I moved and we would roll into each other in the middle of the night.
Likely if you are a light sleeper even without the cpap machine his movements and the cat would have disturbed you.
Add the cpap machine in and being new on it and you will just be more sensitive to things for a while.
Waking frequently is a common enough problem even for someone new to all this and no one else in the bed with them.

When my husband wants to "spoon cuddle"... I let him snuggle up to my back so the vent doesn't blow on him instead of me spooning to his back. If he decides he wants to "play" more than cuddle..just turn the machine off..play..and put mask back on after playing but BEFORE going back to sleep. No big deal.

Sleep time equals mask on all the time. No exceptions.

[ameriken]

And want to take it off. I don't like it at all yet. I am going through feelings of "if I just take it off, I will get fresh air and breathe so I can sleep."

If you've got sleep apnea, there is no such thing as 'take it off and I'll be able to breathe'.

Only the opposite is true....take it off and you'll stop breathing, causing your O2 levels to drop, your heart to work harder, and your body to start suffocating. Just imagine someone stuffing a pillow in your mouth and not letting you breathe for a minute or two at a time...for 20, 30, 40 times per hour, throughout the entire night, every night, for the rest of your life. That's what sleep apnea is.

But wearing the mask is what gives you fresh air so you can sleep. Without the mask, sleep apnea will eventually kill you. If your'e lucky, it may happen 20 or 30 years from now. If you're not lucky, it could be tonite.

If you have sleep apnea, you have no choice but to get used to the mask. Everything else while you are sleeping is secondary, including intimacy. You and your DH have to work on the intimacy issues while you're awake. But while you sleep, it is always with the mask on and machine running. Always.

Welcome to the club.

[Starlette]

Well said Ameriken

[RandyJ]

I will join the chorus: "Welcome!" and the refrain: "KING SIZE BED!!!"

Brief arousals are normal when you sleep with someone, and in time you get used to some of them, but probably not all. In my opinion, I may be wrong, the noises are easier to get used to than the mattress moving when the other person turns over. In your case it is compounded at the moment by getting used to the cpap, so you are dealing with a lot all at once. I think you are right that there will be an adjustment period, so you might just want to take stock now so you can compare things in 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks....

It would probably be a good idea to keep a sleep journal by the bed; in the morning you can write down how many times you awakened during the night and what kinds of things awakened you (ie mask leak, husband turning over, etc). You can review this journal over time to see what kinds of things have improved, not improved, etc. We can't rely on our memories or preceptions; they often fail us.

A larger bed could make a BIG difference...

[Ineedanap]

My husband flops like a fish, coughs all night, hits me, kicks me, you name it. We found separate blankets help as does a king sized bed. Our honeymoon was over ages ago though and since the kids have moved out, we most often kiss goodnight in the hall and head our separate ways.

[Resister]

Thank you for the welcome!

My feelings regarding my CPAP are not embarrassment...and my desires would be to cuddle at night, even with the mask on. The reason I wait to put the mask on is that he falls asleep within 5 minutes and I don't want to disturb him so I just wait the 5 minutes. My questions have to do with adjusting to this thing...that I'm using for the first time...this air blowing in my nose..while I am waking a lot. I am getting frustrated that I can't stay asleep with the mask on, because of hubby's movement and the cat on the bed. That is more of my issue. He's not sleep-disturbed, according to DH. Maybe I need an adjustment period and then it won't seem like I need my own bed to get used to this? I am just really frustrated and it is not romantic but I can deal with it...I just don't want to form bad habits, so it's kind of a crucial time for me...that I take the right steps now to manage this.

As for hubby's sleep issues...he is not tired in the daytime. He sleeps well through the whole night. I believe that he is just a "mover." Even while awake, he's not quite comfy in daily activities, can't sit still, and fidgets a lot. My standard sized sofas are "too small" for him to be comfy and he winds up reclining on the floor. He's not comfy in the car. Our standard sized counters are low to him, etc. I guess he would move around less with a Calif. King. I am suspecting that his sleep habits are fairly normal (he probably switches positions every few hours after being asleep), but his size makes the whole bed shake and I wake up. He does snore, but I don't think it is disturbing him at all and I don't think he would have a desire to have a sleep study done. I am envious that once he's asleep, he is sound asleep and remembers nothing. We have conversations he doesn't remember. Now that I think of it, he does drink a lot of caffeine though. Maybe he's not as energetic as I think! Do all snorer have apnea? (I am not a chronic snorer, and was shocked with my diagnosis! My sleep study was done for other symptoms).

Basically, if I cuddle and spoon with him all night, I'm going to get kicked, jabbed, etc. and wake up. And feel that air blowing in. And want to take it off. I don't like it at all yet. I am going through feelings of "if I just take it off, I will get fresh air and breathe so I can sleep."

Trying to be positive!! Thank you for your advice!

Does anyone have stats on this?

I don't know that ALL snorers have sleep apnea, but it's a strong indicator.

Welcome!

[dogluvr]

Not all snorers have OSA nor do all OSA sufferers snore. Don't know the statistics though.

[SleepingUgly]

I'll be the lone supporter of the twin bed arrangement. We have a King and I am a light sleeper. My husband does not snore, but his mere presence, including rolling over and disturbing the sheets slightly, wakes me. If I had it to do all over again, I would have two twins with their own sheets, and then cover the whole thing with a King-size duvet or whatever, so that when it's made, it looks like a regular King bed. But you probably don't want advice from me, as unfortunately I haven't made the transition back to sleeping with my husband... My best sleep (if there is such a thing for me) occurs if I'm left alone, in a dark, sound-proof tomb, and I am too tired to suffer more disturbances from additional disturbances... Maybe one day. BTW, we have a Simmons bed that moves the least that we could possibly find, and still, if someone moves, the other person can feel it. Two twins!!