Depressed newbie saying hi

[Drowsy Dancer]

Hello and welcome to this lively forum, which consists of either a bunch of really nice people or a bunch of jerks. As with much of life, what you look for in this forum is what you will find.

I have been "on the mask" since 2/17/2011, so I am a slightly experienced newbie and therefore am a part of the cheering section and not the technical section.

Let me reinforce that: it is a big adjustment, you will cycle through lots of feelings, you can adjust to the treatment, and you will begin to feel better.

Sometimes it takes a while to start feeling better (as others have noted), especially if your apnea is severe and you have therefore been very oxygen-deprived.

Making sure you have a mask that fits well on you and is comfortable for you is extremely important. Many people try out several different types of mask. I had a terrible time with the nasal mask and am doing much better with the "nasal pillows." Your DME (durable medical equipment provider) may have a "fit warranty" for your mask, and if so they may very well let you keep the original mask. It's not a bad idea to have a full-face mask on hand in any event in the event that you have a bad cold and can only breathe through your mouth.

You may find, as I did (unscientific sample of one) that it is easier to lose weight when you are sleeping better.

When you get to the point that this is not overwhelming, I highly recommend getting the software and taking a close look at the data that you generate every night while sleeping. What you will see there can help improve the effectiveness of your therapy (e.g. I had a pillow setup that was great for my sore neck and shoulders but the reports showed that my AHI was a lot worse while using it. Oops! Back to the drawing board).

Drowsy Dancer

[jromano]

Aprilmom07,

Echoing the words of many others, welcome.

Well, last night was my first time sleeping with a machine at home. I suppose, all in all, it was successful. I went to sleep, waking a few times on and off, but kept the mask on until 5 am when I felt like I was suffocating. I had dreams, so I know I slept soundly.

I would absolutely call that a success!

As much as I loathe this, I *will* do it because I want to be around for many, many years to see my daughter grow up.

What's more, I would call your will and your attitude a HUGE success.

So, here I am now, feeling depressed and ashamed, with my cpap machine. I don't want to even tell people about it! I feel like I "caused" this by unhealthy living, excess weights, too little exercise, etc.

There is NOTHING to be ashamed of. In fact, you'll find a lot of quite the opposite sentiment around here... pride. Pride in healthy lifestyle choices, pride in persevering for the sake of their own lives and the lives of those they love, and (I would say not enough) pride in the incredible lengths that many go to to make their therapy work.

I'm hoping to feel energetic again (less slug like), and I really, really hope that I will become a happier, less anxious/grumpy person.

You will.

Right now, I'm reading this forum like crazy, trying to learn more, gain some of your optimism, and maybe learn to feel like I'm not suffocating when I try to exhale.

A+++
There is no shortage of inspiration and ideas...

All the best to you, Aprilmom,
Jess

[Madalot]

Welcome to the forum!!!

I echo what others have said so I won't waste your time repeating all of it, but will say I think you are going to do great. The people here will help you along and before you know it, you'll be a veteran at this.

I look forward to seeing you here and watching your success!

[wildhog]

Hi Aprilmom07 and welcome. I felt pretty weird about taking one of these machines home too, but I can honestly tell you that although it has only been 4 or so weeks for me, I only wish I had done it years ago. I actually now look forward to going to sleep at night.
With family and friends, I actually talk to them about my machine as they are very interested in the whole concept. I now even have my best friend who has also had a sleep study done and has now been using his machine for 3 days - he calls me daily to tell me it is the best thing he has ever done.
I also am 43 years old and married with 2 girls and the only downside with using Cpap is that my wife is now not sleeping because she has to keep checking if im breathing as I have always snored for the 21 years we have been married and now I sleep like a baby with no music coming out of my mouth.

So keep at it .It will all be worth it.
Best of luck!

[KnightDreamer]

Hello,

I am new myself and I'd like to add that the more you understand your condition and your CPAP the more you will take control. I use to see my sleep disorder specialist monthly, now I see him every 6 months because he was impressed by being proactive. Congratulations you are not part of the 30% that goes untreated!

[BlackSpinner]

I also am 43 years old and married with 2 girls and the only downside with using Cpap is that my wife is now not sleeping because she has to keep checking if im breathing as I have always snored for the 21 years we have been married and now I sleep like a baby with no music coming out of my mouth.

That is what my daughter says! She still feels spooked that she doesn't hear me snore.

[jazzer4]

Hi Aprilmom and welcome to the forum.

I was worried about my five year old grandson seeing me with the mask on and being afraid of me.
After all, it looked like an elephants trunk.
I was visiting and the only bed to sleep in was with him.
I knew in the morning he would freak out.

Before he went to bed I put it on and showed him.
The next morning I opened my eyes to him leaning over me laughing three inches from my face.
Children accept things so easily.

Since then I have "performed" in the mask for all my family. To laugh about it is so much better than hiding it.
When they know you accept it they will too.

You'll be fine and do great.

It makes each day so much better. You'll see.
Susan

[ColCpap]

April,

I've now got two nights under my belt, and I'm in almost the same boat as you.

I am 41yo husband and father of two teens. Had apnea for at least 10-15 years, if not longer. Never really "fessed up" because I am an Air Force pilot and that would have grounded me for sure. (and I am stubborn). So it took 8 years of severe GI isssues (being treated one at a time), a creeping up Blood Pressure, and a host of other ailments, to get me to finally discuss it during an annual physical.

Sleep test showed what I feared (AHI >100)! Doc told me, "I am not sure how you even function on a daily basis!"

So I may not have caused it, but I certainly made it worse of the years. And now I am dreading the "rest of my life" as well. Don't feel alone!
After that first night, and I "slept" for the first time in over a decade... it is so worth it.

My wife has to wear glasses everyday, and now I have to were a mask.

Let's do this,
Fletch

[fastwingguy]

As a side note, I hope you enjoy the fact that half the people here ENVY you because you have gotten on-board at an age much younger than they did. People struggle for years before discovering it. This is a technology that is two or three generations old, so you have quite a bit more control and convenience than when it was new, ( and the doctors don't need to cut on you ) and all that is left is fitting it into your life. It's kind of like a life preserver: they won't win any fashion awards and they aren't real comfortable but when you find yourself splashing about, it's your best friend. At this stage, you operate purely on faith that it will get better, and support from people here and elsewhere. One of the reasons there are so many supportive people here, is we have ALL been there and are grateful someone pointed us down this road. Just hang in there and keep "dinking around" with what works for you. You have a huge sleep debt to repay and you will feel better and thing better the more you do.

[YawnGirl]

Welcome!

My advice is DON'T GIVE UP! You will not magically feel wonderful overnight. I think it took me quite a while to repay my "sleep debt".....or perhaps I'm still repaying it??

I am now sleeping 6 hours uninterrupted after almost 18 months on the mask. I feel great! Sometimes I fall asleep without my mask and wake up remember those old headaches....wow, I don't miss those.

Good Luck!

[WonderlandGirl]

I'm overweight too - but my doctor doesn't believe that my OSA is from my weight, but hereditary from my dad. He believes I would have it no matter what (my throat is described as over-crowded). If I lost weight, I would still have it. Please don't blame yourself.

Now, I chose to tell many people at work - and boy do the OSA's come out of the woodwork!! Please do no be ashamed. You may find that many of your friends have it as well.

[ppharman]

First welcome to the forum. I am pretty impressed with the warm and supportive responses you have received. The cpap machine has changed my life much for the better. I sleep better, I wake refreshed, I dream, and I no longer snore. As an added plus the pain in my side is now gone from being elbowed by my wife during the night to quit snoring. I am quite open about using a cpap, and several of my friends have revealed that they too use the machine. We have a special greeting, "Hi Hoser".

Again welcome to the forum, there are a lot of supportive and technically knowledgeable folks here.

Pat Harman