Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Kahfree · Post by **Kahfree** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:02 pm

I know, its ONLY 5 nights with the machine and someone somewhere on earth will make a comment of "stop whining" but here goes....

I have been so tired since starting this adventure. I was tired before, but feel MORE tired using the cpap. I dread going to bed and stay up as long as I can. My normal sleep routine is that every night I get into bed, position myself in a semi reclining position with pillows and turn on the tv. I use those "Television Ears" to have the sound in my head, not at a distance. (also, my hearing is a little off in recent years) I don't want to disturb my daughter and her husband, who live with me. I have not, in the last 10 or more years, gone to sleep without the television on. Usually, I fall asleep within minutes of it going on and at some point my daughter enters and removes the ears, shuts off the tv, takes off my glasses and turns off the light. I stay asleep all night, till recently.

Last night I went to bed and watched tv but fell asleep (of course) and woke at 5 am and realized I never had the mask on. I panicked thinking the worse, and put it on. (Took like 35-45 mins to fall asleep) I am so worried about compliance, apnea, etcs. My daughter said she poked her head in at 8 am and I was asleep with the mask on. However, I kept sleeping till one pm today ( I was sleep deprived this week) and the mask was NOT on. Somewhere during that time I woke and took it off. I even shut off the machine, but I don't remember doing it. This worries me.

I wish I had my routine so I can lay there with the tv on, and the ramp on the cpap and gently drift off. Fantasy world for me I suppose. Is sleep going to be a nightmare for the rest of my life? I really really want to use it because when I stop breathing I wake up in a panic gasping for air. I do not like that feeling of being scared and unable to breath...but I am worried that the anxiety and my panic attacks wearing the masks are going to win.

I just need to rant and if no one responds that's ok...I just need to vent. Sorry.

cflame1 · Post by **cflame1** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:12 pm

Kahfree wrote:Last night I went to bed and watched tv but fell asleep (of course) and woke at 5 am and realized I never had the mask on. I panicked thinking the worse, and put it on. (Took like 35-45 mins to fall asleep) I am so worried about compliance, apnea, etcs. My daughter said she poked her head in at 8 am and I was asleep with the mask on. However, I kept sleeping till one pm today ( I was sleep deprived this week) and the mask was NOT on. Somewhere during that time I woke and took it off. I even shut off the machine, but I don't remember doing it. This worries me.

Taking off the mask and shutting off the machine and not remembering... when you've read on here enough you'll realize that happens to a lot of people. Sometimes it stops, keep in mind that it's been less than a week of treatment for you... so be patient!

Lou Cypher · Post by **Lou Cypher** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:17 pm

Don't panic, do not call 911......

It seems overwhelming now but there are soooooo many masks and cpap machines out there, The ONE for you is there, honest it is....

Unfortunately you have to weed thru the thicket to get to the picnic.,.....

First off you need to find a mask that is comfortable for you to wear and do your usual before sleep routine.

Once you find that, then you can work on making sure you are getting the most out of your equipment ..

Even after you find your special mask, a few years may go by and something changes and you need to find it again......

My point is, that it is out there and you will find it if you don't give up.

In the mean time a lot of us are here and some of us might have gone through what you are having happen at this moment, so come back and talk to us.

Fire away the questions and many of us will give answers. Things for you to try.....

IF your DME allows it, see if you can spend a few hours there trying on different style masks . That may help you relax and be able to go to sleep watching TV....

Let us know how it goes and what bugs you.......

Hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the good news is - It is NOT a train.....

sydneybird · Post by **sydneybird** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:28 pm

Please don't feel like a failure and don't be sorry. It took me at least 5 days to finally stop ripping off my mask while asleep. The CPAP seemed like it was suffocating me at times or that I couldn't exhale, but in all likelihood it was just my OSA and my severe nasal congestion at the same time. I also felt claustrophobic with the mask, but that finally went away in time. At 6 weeks I don't take off my mask and I look forward to going to sleep. And my depression (not diagnosed) is greatly relieved if not gone. I'm not considering purchasing the over-the-counter stimulants (5-hr energy) or herbal supplements for brain function, mood and focus anymore; probably all empty promises anyway (remember Ginko for memory, what a failure in every study). My only problem now is that my EasyLife nasal mask is starting to not fit as well and is now leaking. I'm hoping to get my ComfortLite 2 nasal pillow in the mail any day now.

Please hang in there and get well fast!

newhosehead · Post by **newhosehead** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:29 pm

Kahfree wrote:I know, its ONLY 5 nights with the machine and someone somewhere on earth will make a comment of "stop whining" but here goes....

I wish I had my routine so I can lay there with the tv on, and the ramp on the cpap and gently drift off. Fantasy world for me I suppose. Is sleep going to be a nightmare for the rest of my life? I really really want to use it because when I stop breathing I wake up in a panic gasping for air. I do not like that feeling of being scared and unable to breath...but I am worried that the anxiety and my panic attacks wearing the masks are going to win.

I just need to rant and if no one responds that's ok...I just need to vent. Sorry.

Hello and welcome! I am not going to tell you to stop whining. This is a tough thing to get used to and we all have the right to vent. I really relate to you with the TV thing because I have used it at night for a very long time as well. When I began CPAP (a little over a year ago) I wondered how I was going to do this because I soon found my best sleep position with my particular mask was on my side with a cut-out pillow. I have however kept my TV; I just made the routine different. I have to find a show that I am interested enough in to listen to, but not so compelled that I need to turn and look if that makes any sense. I set the sleep timer on the television for an hour even though I KNOW I will typically be asleep in 5-10 minutes. Call is an anti-anxiety measure.
My point (and I hope I really do have one) is this: You say you wish you had your routine. Be patient with yourself. You are five nights in and you will need to make a routine for yourself. Maybe you will need to go through more than one before you find the one that works for you. But you know youself better than anyone, so think carefully about what will make you feel best. I, too, have taken my mask off a few times, but I know there are lots of posts on here on that subject. Do some searches for that topic and see what you turn up. There IS hope ahead and there IS help to be had, right here, on this site.
I am pulling for you. Don't give up. It WILL be worth it.

Jeanette

avi123 · Post by **avi123** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:30 pm

time is up, my wife tells me to stop my post b/c I am gullible.

OutaSync · Post by **OutaSync** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:48 pm

Hang in there, Kahfree! It takes awile to train your brain that it is okay to sleep with a mask on. For some of us it takes longer than others, but I promise that it will get easier. Just keep at it and one day you will wake up and realize that you slept the whole night with the mask. Please don't feel depressed. It took me a whole lot longer than 5 days. You are doing great!

Bev

Kahfree · Post by **Kahfree** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:51 pm

Thank you everyone.

I want to quote all of you to reply to all of you, but figure that's WAY too many extra posts. So everyone that has replied, I read all your comments, especially the one that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train...thank goodness.

For the person who said to just listen to the television, my friend last night told me to do the same. I guess you and her think alike and I will try that tonight. I will also set the timer on the television to shut off.

The poster who said 6 weeks and its easier now, I am going to hope that in 6 weeks I can be an encouragement for others too.

I think I need to go away from the pc today too. I feel like I am on this thing constantly and its causing me to do nothing but think about the cpap. It will be nice to get some fresh air and have fun today. (CA is nice today, warm sunshine!)

Thank you Bev for your support and encouragement, and to all.

Thank you everyone.

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:56 pm

Can you watch TV with your mask on so you don't risk falling asleep without putting it on? You can take some steps to discourage taking it off during sleep, like putting a bandaid across a strap and onto your cheek, in hopes the pain of removing it will wake you enough to stop. You could also rig something to make it hard to get to the off button of the machine. One time I balanced a couple pans over the edge of the machine so that getting to the button would cause a clanging avalanche. And layed a bunch of keys on top of the machine. Just little means to try to help myself.

It won't always be like this. Keep your eyes on the prize. For a long time I went to bed every night fully expecting, "this could be the night". At some point it finally was. Hang in there.

Geminidream · Post by **Geminidream** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:57 pm

Kahfree,
Don't feel like a failure....its takes some folks quite a while to adjust to this therapy. Let's face it, having a mask attached to your face while you sleep is NOT normal and will take time to acclimate to. Its only been 5 nights so don't be so hard on yourself. My experience was similar in the beggining. I took me a while to fall asleep each night even though I was tired most of the time. I needed naps most days until about 8 months into therapy and I went through 3 different masks before I found the one that is right for me. I also have had the habit of taking off the mask and turning off the machine...at least twice a week at first, but that has all but stopped. And like you, I did not remember it most of the time. So, don't worry, you are normal and just need time to get adjusted. This website is a great place to start. Good luck.

RachelM · Post by **RachelM** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:13 pm

Like many others, good sleep did not come in one night, or two, or ... It took me a little over a week before I woke up one morning and felt like I had actually slept. It took another while before the sleep deprivation seemed to be caught up. I actually began to look forward to bedtime because it felt so good to wake up refreshed.

At times I had to rely on my firm commitment to my well-being and health to stay on CPAP. The positive comments and encouragement from others on this forum also contributed to my sticking with it until some results came.

roster · Post by **roster** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:23 pm

Yes it may take some time to get the therapy right. Anxiety, panic attacks, and depression are par for the course with sleep deprivation/oxygen desats. Once your therapy is working well, you will start feeling better and be able to cope much better.

I notice in your equipment profile you are looking for the software for your machine. If you don't have an answer yet try a new posting with subject "Software for ICON Premo CPAP Machine?".

It happens quite often that the prescribed machine settings are not optimal and the patient is still having many respiratory events. Without data from the machine you will not know how many events you are having. I would consider it a top priority to get the data and start reviewing it daily until you are sure the CPAP process is working well.

It looks like you can get some basic data, such as AHI, without software from the display of the machine. Are you able to do that? If so, what data do you have?

Hueffenhardt · Post by **Hueffenhardt** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:58 pm

I know how to access the DME set up menu to change pressure settings on the ICON Premo, and the lcd screen will give you the AHI for last 30, 7, and last night; Leak for last 30, 7, and last night; and 90th percentile pressure for last 30, 7, and last night. As for the software, it is called InfoSmart, and was sold for $39 on an Austrailian site, but that site has been down since last November. Currently, I know of no one who is sharing the software here or anywhere else or anywhere to buy it.

To access the setup menu: Make sure the smart dial is in the default position (where the machine would start if pressed once). Hold down the smart dial button with your thumb while simultaneously using your other hand to rotate the dial 360 degrees clockwise until you are back in the default position. Don't release the middle button yet. Rotate the dial one pitch counterclockwise, release the middle button and you will be in the setup menu with all the options in the top left quarter of the screen. You can adjust your pressure setting.

Sleep Data
To access basic sleep data on the display, turn the SmartDial™ to the Sleep Data setting and press to enter. Turn the SmartDial™ to either the CMS report (US only) or Patient report and press to enter.
NOTE: The model name will display while in the Sleep Data setting.
Turn the SmartDial™ to scroll through each of the following statistics:
• Total Compliant Hours.
• Average Compliant Hours over the last 30 nights. Press the SmartDial™ to access the average for the last 7 nights and again for the last night.
• Percentage of nights used greater than 4 hours over the last 30 nights. Press the
SmartDial™ to access the average for the last 7 nights.
• The number of nights used since therapy commenced.
• Check Sum.
NOTE: A symbol will appear on the Display Screen when the Sleep Data is within the compliance requirements. Once CMS requirements are met, the data within the CMS sub-menu will freeze.
• Exit the Sleep Data setting ( this symbol will only appear if Additional Sleep Data is restricted).
Additional Sleep Data (NOTE: this information may be restricted by your healthcare provider.)
• AHI for last 30, 7, and last night
• Leak for last 30, 7, and last night

Kahfree · Post by **Kahfree** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 7:58 pm

It looks like you can get some basic data, such as AHI, without software from the display of the machine. Are you able to do that? If so, what data do you have?

Ok so my son helped me figure out how to read the results with the instructions from another member and my son looked at my user Manuel.

Here are my results.

Total Compliant Hours 21
Average Compliant Hours over the last 7 nights (only have been on it 5 nights) 4.2 Last night. 3.5 (had no clue I slept that long with it)
Percentage of nights used great than 4 hours over the last 30 nights. In my case, 5 nights. 60%
The number of nights used since therapy commenced. 5
Check sum. (What is this?) 8769
No smiley face on my machine yet, so I assume that I have not met the CMS requirements yet.
AHI for the last 30, 7 and last night. 31.6 and for the last night 35.2
Leak for last 30, 7, and last night. 94. Last night 131.

I do not understand AHI yet nor the leak. Any comments on what this all means? Than you

Kelly

gac914 · Post by **gac914** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 8:15 pm

I have always had to read something before falling asleep (I remember the old "Odd Couple" TV show where Oscar and Felix were somewhere and had to stay overnight, and one of them had to read the toothpaste tube to be able to fall asleep because there was nothing else around to read -- I'm that bad!!)

I would many times fall asleep with a book in my hand, so when I started CPAP I would put my mask on before starting to read to keep from sleeping without the mask. I was inadvertently training myself to get used to the mask, and the pressure, etc, without worrying about "the big event!!" This also helped me tweak the mask, and so on, so that when I did fall asleep a lot of my mask-leakage problems were adjusted and solved. After getting used to the mask while I was awake, I felt much more relaxed to proceed to sleep with it on. It wasn't going to smother me in my sleep after all!!!!!

Rather than having to force yourself to get ready for the big "sleep" because you are putting on your mask, try putting it on ahead of time without worrying about the end result!! It might help you overcome some stress!!

Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Re: Feeling Depressed and like a failure

Machine	Humidifier