OT The steps of our lives

[carbonman]

If you will, please, there are two very frightened people,
spending their first night away from their home of 67+yrs.
Kind thoughts, prayers, courage and perseverance, welcome.

After working for over two years, my sister and I moved my parents,
92 and 88 into a retirement community. My dad has been the
primary caregiver for my mom, who can not really take care of her daily care,
due to fatigue and dementia.
He is really tired.
We have been so worried about them for so long.

Now they are in a community.
He doesn't have to cook or clean house anymore.
They are going to have a community of friends and support.
They have emergency call cords in their apartment.
They are going to be safe.

I don't have to worry that they will answer the door to some hustler, or worse.
I don't have to worry that my dad will collapse and
my mom won't know what to do or who to call.
I don't have to worry that my dad will leave my mom alone for an hour
and she will not know where she is and wonder away.

I will not feel the weight of the worry, for me, lifted until I know
they are situated and are comfortable.
We tired to make it as easy as possible for them to make this change,
but, just as w/cpap, we all make these journeys alone.
We pray that this was the right thing to do.

Today was one of those steps in life,
that they never wanted to face,
was agonizing for my sister and I to make,
painful, for everyone, to make happen,
hopefully, will be a blessing, for everyone,
and in the end, it's just part of life.

[Julie]

It was the right thing to do. It really was, for all the reasons you listed and probably more you may not even have been aware of. It wouldn't have been right to not do something and they will very likely forget all about 'home' very soon. I don't say that glibly or without experience, but people of that age making a big change in their surroundings very often apparently really do make it astoundingly well, and while they don't forget people, or events of long ago, their immediate environment is quite likely to be a non-issue as long as they have a few familiar things around and people they can relate to. An aunt of mine (94) would not leave her apt. during the Montreal ice storm in the 90's because of a neighbour's cat who ended up in her place more often than otherwise, and she was so worried about it (though it seemed to manage a lot better than she did). She developed pneumonia after 3-4 days without heat, finally called for help and once in the ER apparently forgot entirely about the cat and her place. It's just one of those odd things!

[Muse-Inc]

CarbonMan, y'all are in my prayers! Stressful for everyone, best to all.

[kteague]

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Went thru this with Mom in stages as her health changed. Agree that having a few of their familiar things around them is helpful. Also, if you and/or your sister are in close proximity, endear yourself to all the staff - everyone who interacts with your parents. Thank them and always let them know how much you appreciate them for helping your parents with this transition. The staff and other residents where my mother was knew I was counting on them making her feel welcome and comfortable, and they did not disappoint. Hopefully after a bit your parents will be able to enjoy having people look out for their well being. Such an emotional time for everyone. You and your sister could not allow them to be in an increasingly inadequate situation. Yes, still a hard thing. But maybe you can exhale a bit now.

[sleepydawn]

(((CARBONMAN AND FAMILY)))

[smith]

May God Bless you and yours....
Give you & the rest of your family the strength you need

[jlk]

Gotta be tough on all. Glad they are still with you. Got you in my prayers. Best wishes, jlk

[Hawthorne]

Carbonman - I've been where you are. It is hard but it is the right thing for everyone.

Thinking of you.

[KatieW]

CarbonMan, yes it's the hardest thing you've done, but also done with love and the certainty that it's the best situation you can hope for, for everyone. It's hard to be the grown-up sometimes.

[plr66]

CM, I am greatly touched by your experience, having been very close to what you are going through with my own parents in recent years. Please accept hugs for both you and your sister from all who are here and know how difficult but how loving your decision and efforts have been for your parents. They are so fortunate to now have safety and rest and care in their new home, and that they have had you and your sister to assist and find this for them. As has been said, it will not take long for them to adjust and feel secure in their new environment.

[carbonman]

Of all the blessings that OSA and cpap has brought to me,

knowing the support, caring, sharing and compassion of this forum,
is one of the greatest gifts of all.

There are not words to express how much I appreciate your thoughts and support.

Thank you!

[chunkyfrog]

My mother is newly in a senior apartment building, at 84;
After spending the last nearly 4 years living with her high school sweetheart.
He brought her smile back; as she restored his joy for life.
It's sad they had so little time.
She lost touch with him when he was in a German P.O.W. camp;
and married my dad before the allies liberated our airmen.
He said she gave him hope that got him through it all.
My dad died young and my mom never remarried.
Her sweetheart was married nearly sixty years before he lost his bride.
My mother is now an avid reader, and gets a lot of attention from BOTH families.