apprehensive about sleeping away from home

[xiola]

The stress from the last few weeks at work (BIG project went live) well, it's catching up with me.

So on Friday I decided i need a vacation. Just some time away. I'm going to spend four days in the Smokies at the end of February. I called my friend to see if she'd watch one of my dogs, and well, now she's coming with me. We'll kick back together, hopefully go fishing, but if it's too cold we'll just hang out at the house.

What's the problem?

I'm embarassed to have her see me use my cpap machine. I live alone, and have always been intensly private (yeah, well, this board doesn't count, you guys don't KNOW me). I don't know, I just don't talk about this kind of stuff, with anyone. When i have to refer to it, i just say "the machine" and then change the subject, or outright tell them I don't want to talk about it.

I'm embarassed to admit that. I'm thinking about not bringing it with me. In the end, I will bring it with me. because i love it too much, the comfort of going to sleep with it on, i am addicted to it. But.. not bringing it would make this go away.

So I guess I'm looking for your experiences. when you first started this, how did you introduce friends and family to it. I hate that i have to. it's MY business, not theirs. but if I ever want to sleep somewhere other than my house...

[Scarlet834]

One thing I've found is that almost everyone I've actually told about the machine either uses it themselves or knows someone who does. I got my CPAP weeks before attending a knitting retreat with about 14 other women, originally intending to share with two other women. At the time I expected the CPAP machine to sound like a vacuum cleaner or something. I did arrange to get sleeping quarters in the laundry room on an air mattress and sleeping bag (it was actually a great, comfy little hidey hole). My machine bothered no one, and I heard about a few other's experiences (relatives--no one else had a machine).

Last Christmas the whole family was together after years, and we stayed over in a motel room, sharing the room with two grandsons. I forewarned them about the machine, but it didn't bother them. I think most of the noise I imagine is air wooshing in the hose for the pleasure of my ears and no one else's.

Friends and family who care about you won't be bothered a whit. Just tell your friend, there's something I need to mention, and go for it. I admit I had never heard of CPAP before it was all about me, but chances are your friend is already familiar. I gradually let family know I have sleep apnea, because they care about that kind of news. Otherwise, I think it's just polite to make sure people who'll be around you during sleep know about the CPAP unit. You can always sleep on a couch (if you were planning to share a room and it didn't work). As for how you look with a mask on your face, your friend won't mind, truly.

[Muse-Inc]

...I'm embarassed to have her see me use my cpap machine...

This should be no more embarrassing than wearing glasses, hearing aids, using a blood glucose monitor to manage blood sugar...we do what we gotta do to support our body's er, ah, inability to function well. I am pretty upfront about this with others...almost told the guy in the booth behind us this morning (complaining to his buddies about his doc adding another drug to control his blood pressure) to get a sleep study for apnea but with his attitude I knew it'd fall on deaf ears and I resisted the urge.

[JohnBFisher]

... So I guess I'm looking for your experiences ...

Well, another way to tell someone why you use it is that without it you unfortunately snore very badly. It's not something you can control. Afterall, you are asleep. It's something that runs in families. But you use this machine to greatly reduce your snoring and make being with you much quieter and more peaceful ...

If you see a problem, flip it around ...

In this case, present it out of concern for your friend(s). Let it see that you are trying to make life better for them. You, of course would rather not (although truth be told you do enjoy the peaceful sleep it provides), but you want to make their life better.

I personally would just explain that I have (mild or moderate or severe) sleep apnea and that left untreated it leads to strokes and heart attacks just as surely as untreadted diabetes does.

Anyway, just remember that you are doing this as much for you as you are your friends. And then go back to thinking about having a good time with them! Enjoy life. Your big project went live! Whew! Now to have some fun and enjoy the time!!

[tillymarigold]

... So I guess I'm looking for your experiences ...

Well, another way to tell someone why you use it is that without it you unfortunately snore very badly. It's not something you can control. Afterall, you are asleep. It's something that runs in families. But you use this machine to greatly reduce your snoring and make being with you much quieter and more peaceful ...

If you see a problem, flip it around ...

In this case, present it out of concern for your friend(s). Let it see that you are trying to make life better for them. You, of course would rather not (although truth be told you do enjoy the peaceful sleep it provides), but you want to make their life better.

It's not a bad strategy, and I've used it myself on occasion, but for most women (including me) it's a lie. Fewer than half of all women with sleep apnea snore--it's one reason I went 17 years without a diagnosis. "I'm tired all the time." "Do you snore?" "No." "Hmm, can't be apnea then ..."

[ozij]

Are you going to sleep in the same room? Would that have been OK for you without the CPAP?

I say something like: "I don't breathe well when I sleep, and so I use a machine at night to help me breathe properly". People then usually try to gauge how I feel about it, and we exchange looks, and they understand it's OK to ask further questions - and thed do, and then it becomes a non-issue. Sometimes they'll want to see it which is fine with me. I think that there's an amount of natural curiousity among human being that is natural, and is an expression of a need to relate -- to a world of new things, and to other people. Changing the subject leaves it hanging heavily between you for a long time.

Putting down your burdens
A long ago time ago in the hills of Quong Zu province, there once lived a revered old monk who was a master of Zen Buddhism.

One day he decided that he would make a pilgrimage to a neighbouring monastery, and not wishing to make the journey alone, he decided to take along one of his young disciples.

They started their journey early the next morning and in the true spirit of Zen each walked along engrossed in his own thoughts, and so they journeyed for many hours without speaking. By mid-day they had come to a small stream and it was here that they noticed a young girl dressed in fine silk, obviously contemplating how best to cross the stream without getting her precious clothes wet.

Immediately the old monk walked over to the young girl and in one smooth motion, he picked her up in his arms and walked out into the stream, then after carrying her safely to the other side, he gently put her down and walked on without having said a single word.

His disciple having watched this whole incident was in a state of complete shock, for he knew it was strictly forbidden for a monk to come into physical contact with another person. Quickly, he too crossed the stream, and then ran to catch up with his master, and together they once again walked on in silence. Finally at sunset they made camp and settled down for the night.

The next morning after prayers and meditation the old monk and his disciple once again continued their journey, once again in silence.
After many miles, and no longer able to contain his curiosity, the disciple called to his master and said,

"Master may I ask you a question" ?

"Of course you may" his master replied, "knowledge comes to those who seek it".

Respectfully his disciple said, "yesterday I saw you break one of our most sacred vows when you picked up that young girl and carried her across the stream, how could you do such a thing" ?

His master replied, "That is true, and you are right it is something I should not have done, but you are as guilty as I am" .

"How so" asked his disciple, "for it was you who carried her across the stream not I" ?

"I know" replied his master, "but at least on the other side I put her down".

"You, however, are obviously still carrying her".

[kteague]

I took my first cpap vacation with a friend last summer. She already knew about it, just hadn't seen me in it. It did feel a bit awkward to me at first. She was not bothered at all and was even curious, as she thinks one may be in her future. Get past the first exposure and it will likely be a non event after that. You can be honest and say that you are feeling awkward about weearing it in front of anyone, since you live alone. If she is in tune with you at all, she will be touched that you trusted her enough to allow her to be a part of what has been very private. Have a wonderful trip and let us know how it goes.
Kathy

[dtsm]

When I first started the 'cpap journey', was surprised to learn how many friends and family either used cpap or knew of someone who used cpap. You too may be for a pleasant surprise when you arrive at your friend's home.

Be well.....

[stanta]

I am a frequent member of a local retreat where we sleep in dormitories with up to 10 people in one room. Since I started 8 years ago the number of CPAP machines has increased considerably. I also have been able to start discussions concerning OSA with other members who are having troubles with their breathing during the retreats and have had several start treatment themselves.

In other cases I have experienced more curiosity then anything else and after a few minutes of questions and good natured ribbing the topic closes.

Bring your machine, enjoy your sleep. You will have a much better time rested then fighting with fatigue. Don't forget that it is not the tiredness that is deadly it is what OSA does to your heart and brain.

[bailachel]

I travel for work and have to share hotel rooms with various co-workers about 15 days a month (1 at a time ) They are all happy that I am no longer snoring since that used to keep them awake. The machine is virtually silent and doesn't bother them. That being said, I still prefer not to put the mask on until the lights are out. I know it's silly but.....

BTW, be sure to take an extension cord along in case there isn't an outlet near your bed.

[roster]

I am a frequent member of a local retreat where we sleep in dormitories with up to 10 people in one room. Since I started 8 years ago the number of CPAP machines has increased considerably. I also have been able to start discussions concerning OSA with other members who are having troubles with their breathing during the retreats and have had several start treatment themselves.

In other cases I have experienced more curiosity then anything else and after a few minutes of questions and good natured ribbing the topic closes.

Bring your machine, enjoy your sleep. You will have a much better time rested then fighting with fatigue. Don't forget that it is not the tiredness that is deadly it is what OSA does to your heart and brain.

If my estimates are correct, there are more people that have SDB (or will develop it) than do not. So if anyone wants to rib me, I can usually identify a few symptoms in them and turn the tables on them.

[carbonman]

I'm embarassed to have her see me use my cpap machine.

Seems to me that a good friend would be glad that you knew you had this problem,
had this therapy to treat it,
and would be around to be their friend for a long time because of it.

All of my friends are.

[DreamOn]

xiola,

Your feelings are very understandable. I think I'd feel the same way initially with certain people. But I can imagine that any awkwardness would pass very quickly once the subject is breached. You can use this as an opportunity to teach someone a little about sleep apnea/CPAP if your friend isn't familiar with it and they show curiosity about it. Who knows, this exposure may help them or someone else they care about to get help if they need it too.

I think that our friends and loved ones pick up on our own feelings about such things. There's no need to be embarrassed about it at all. Our airway is just different. People who care about us should be happy that we're doing something positive for our health.

Have a wonderful, well-deserved vacation!!!

~ DreamOn

[Patrick A]

I took my first cpap vacation with a friend last summer. She already knew about it, just hadn't seen me in it. It did feel a bit awkward to me at first. She was not bothered at all and was even curious, as she thinks one may be in her future. Get past the first exposure and it will likely be a non event after that. You can be honest and say that you are feeling awkward about weearing it in front of anyone, since you live alone. If she is in tune with you at all, she will be touched that you trusted her enough to allow her to be a part of what has been very private. Have a wonderful trip and let us know how it goes.
Kathy

I agree with Kathy. Unless you are going to sleep in the same bed don't worry about it. Sorry if I was a little too blunt, but you depend on that machine to be able to keep breathing at night. You have a medical condition that requires you to use it. If you freind can't get around that then you don't need her as a freind.
I would say that you should call her on the telephone and expain to her what OSA is. Ask her straight out if that bothers her. I know that if I were still driving trucks cross-country, and I had a partner that I drove with he/she would know first thing. xiola, have a great trip and enjoy yourself. Enjoy your freinds company and don't eat too much. Have a couple of cups of "Old Bushmills and Coffee" and relax.