Mumble, Grumble .....

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 6:45 am

Well, things started out okay. The tech was the same tech I had in Sept 06. She's been w/the sleep lab about 3 1/2 years. She was a Medical Assistant before she started there. My sleep lab manager trained her and then sent her to Alabama for a month's training as well. She and I get along well.

But as I was filling out the paperwork things went to h*ll in a hurry. I've said before I never really trust anyone in the medical profession and certainly not a doctor I don't know well. I talked to both him and my sleep lab manager at pretty good length out this PSG "before" I agreed to it and it was SUPPOSED to be: start the night out on room air and if my sats dropped below 88% for more than 5 minutes I would be put on 02. As I'm filling out the paperwork the order is for start on room air, POSSIBLE 02 'AND' CPAP.

Now - AT NO TIME was there ANY mention of CPAP. I've been on CPAP for some 15 months. H*ll, there wasn't even any mention of bi-level for this particular night. I was ready to cancel and reschedule (elsewhere). I told the tech, I do NOT like suprises from the medical profession. I understand that pooh happens and if it does THEN a suprise isn't going to surprise me, BUT this was planned - on the order - DIFFERENT than what I was told despite my discussion w/both the lab manager and the sleep doctor. So naturally, I got in a twit in a hurry. Just me. I suppose most of you wouldn't have. I reiterated that I was cancelling this PSG and would reschedule WHEN we got this sorted out. And also that I had been seriously considering going elsewhere for a second opinion, but hadn't found just where to go yet, or would have done so.

The tech called the sleep lab manager and they talked for quite a while. It was agreed the tech could just start me on room air and if necessary on 02 but there would be no CPAP, and the tech couldn't do a bi-level even if PAP was indicated because it wasn't inlcuded in the order, only CPAP. If it was indicated they would reschedule me. Yeah, sure, like as if at this point I'm gonna waste my time and money for a titration ordered by a doctor who screwed up the order for this PSG - OR INTENDED from the get go to include POSSIBLE CPAP in the order but neglected to tell ME that!

I debated and argued w/myself quite awhile and then like a d*mn fool agreed to spend the night.

Yeah, sure, like I was gonna be able to sleep after "the surprise". I didn't lay in bed very long before I knew d*mn well this wasn't gonna work. Fortunately, I brought some Ambien w/me. I told the tech, either I took the Ambien or we could call it a night and forget about continuing. That wasn't a problem, so I popped the Ambien and did get to sleep w/in a short time.

But I woke up about 4:30 or so, went to the bathroom, and laid there awake, still in a twit and still contemplating WHERE do I go next, now that I've wasted this d*mn PSG and kicking myself for not walking out when I saw that order.

The tech said I was w/in 15 minutes of having enough time in so why didn't I try to go back to sleep and if I wasn't asleep after finishing that time I could go home. Needless to say I didn't go back to sleep, I just lay there fuming at myself instead. By this time I was MUCH MORE angry w/myself than w/the sleep doctor.

I'm sure I didn't even doze off, but MAYBE, I did hit Stage 1, at the beginning of the night before the tech came in and said she had to put me on 02. A BIG disappointment, but no real surprise. I knew d*mn well going into this PSG that the odds were WAY AGAINST my not needing the 02. She did say that I didn't have any events on 02 UNTIL I hit REM. And most likely I would be scheduled for a titration.

I am just SO TICKED OFF AT MYSELF. WHY don't I learn to listen to my instincts!!! I usually do but every now and then .... d*mn fool! When I talked to this sleep doctor BEFORE agreeing to this PSG, he either KNEW he was going to put me on b-level OR he had me confused w/someone else. Because more than once he referred to me as being on bi-level already and I corrected him that I was ONLY on CPAP and 02. And there was something else that he had me confused w/someone else that flashed thru my mind but I can't remember what now. I am just still too ticked off at myself to remember!!! Grrrrrrrr. WHY am I so d*mn gullible at times? WHY do I EVER ignore my instincts??? I guess because I've been so pleased w/this sleep lab and have known and liked this sleep lab manager for so many years. Except, that's no excuse either. That is when I usually do screw up and ignore my instincts when it is someone I like and respect. Grrrrr.

Sorry for this long b*tch but I'm still so d*mn ticked off at myself I've gotta get some of it off my chest and hubby is still sleeping. That in itself is unusual. Especially when the dogs didn't wake him when I came home. In fact, it kinda scared me that he didn't hear me come in and get up. I've peeked in on him but I hate to wake him .... D*MN!!!

I did stop at Denny's and have breakfast - but didn't eat much, too ticked off. Chatted w/the waitress and had a couple of cups of tea. And, yeah, I bummed a couple of cigarettes. D*mn!!! The roads weren't too bad coming home. Mumble, grumble. Still too darn ticked off to even appreciate THAT favor! Geez, but this torques my jaws!!!! A wasted PSG!!! And I knew better. Or at least should have stuck to my guns and walked out last night. I'm gonna be a LONG time forgiving myself for this stupidity!!!

bdp522 · Post by **bdp522** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:03 am

Gee Slinky, I'm so sorry things didn't work out well. You are correct, you should have followed your instincts. You help so many here with your trusted and well thought out advice...now you need to trust yourself. I would make a follow up call to the doctor and see what his plan is now. If you get a bad vibe, find another doctor.

Brenda

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:08 am

Thanks, Brenda. Unfortunately, diplomacy is NOT my forte when I'm ticked off. The last thing I want to do is talk to this doctor until I cool down. And maybe not even then.

bdp522 · Post by **bdp522** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:11 am

I have found I have some of the best conversations with my Doctor when I'm really ticked about something. It may be time to let him know just how angry this has made you. At least he'll know that you won't allow it to happen again!

Brenda

Moby · Post by **Moby** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:18 am

Sorry it didn't go the way you planned, Slinky.

I know you're really mad, especially at yourself, but I hope you stop being so hard on yourself and give yourself a break. No-one's perfect, not even you!!!!!

It is a horrible feeling to lose trust in someone, and you trusted the people into whose hands you put yourself. Don't be so mad at yourself for trusting, you had no reason to doubt them, you had taken all the precautions you believed necessary.

It's not your fault that you trusted them. Sometimes we have to trust, and we make mistakes, and it hurts.

Please stop being so mad at yourself. It's not your fault.

hugs

Di

deglorious · Post by **deglorious** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:42 am

Morning, Slinky...
Sorry you were disappointed last night. I don't know the history of your problems with the sleep lab/doc. I hope that at least the results of the study will point to whatever your needs are.

Deglorious

6PtStar · Post by **6PtStar** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:14 am

Sorry it went bad! You know you are way to knowledable to have put up with that horse pucky! Just thought I would point that out and first instincts are often good but I have let them talk me into several corners that I regreted later.

Jerry

hades161 · Post by **hades161** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:21 am

Sorry to hear that things didn't go as you planned/ wanted /wished them too. I do think you should call your Doc up and get in to talk to them about all this. The study might have been a flop but you can at least inform them why and get it off your chest. Maybe it will impress apon them how serious you are about things. Its not 100% your fault, they did let the ball drop someplace between you, your Doc, and the DME. Although it most likely will mean a second PSG.

No sense in beating yourself up over this, just work it out and try to set things right.

Best of luck to you.

dieselgal · Post by **dieselgal** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:44 pm

I know exactly what you mean about being mad at yourself. I do that too because I keep rethinking a situation and what I SHOULD have done. The best way I have to handle that now is just to say IT IS WHAT IT IS and you CAN'T UNRING A BELL.
Next time you will know better and like others have said. Give your Dr. a small piece of your mind and next time he WILL remember who you are, right?

jomac30 · Post by **jomac30** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 3:23 pm

Slinky,
I'm always kicking myself for not speaking up and doing what I think should be done. I know how you feel. I think this will make you more determined to do what you think is right and not listen to the medical people who you know are wrong. They make too many mistakes.
My sleep doc who I like didn't read the complete recommendation from the titration study as to my pressure. I had to call him and point out to him to read the last page of the report!! Just think, I would have been on the wrong pressure!

Perchancetodream · Post by **Perchancetodream** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 4:59 pm

Confrontations have to be the most difficult of all human interactions. Even when we KNOW we are right, it is so hard to walk away, especially when we have hoped and expected so much.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not wanting to walk out on your scheduled study.

Perhaps when you calm down you can simply ask your sleep doctor for an auto BiPAP machine.

Susan

mindy · Post by **mindy** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 5:17 pm

Perchancetodream wrote:Confrontations have to be the most difficult of all human interactions. Even when we KNOW we are right, it is so hard to walk away, especially when we have hoped and expected so much.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not wanting to walk out on your scheduled study.

Perhaps when you calm down you can simply ask your sleep doctor for an auto BiPAP machine.

Susan

So right on, Susan. Slinky - I am so very sorry things didn't go well. You are most definitely not alone in reacting the way you did. I think some of us in the ummm .. shall we delicately say "older" generation(?) grew up with even more of a problem being direct with "authority figures" like doctors.

And also, Slinky, please don't beat up on yourself at all ... you showed yourself to be just like the rest of us ... a human being with hopes and fears and things we handle well and things we wish we could have handled better.

Sometimes I've gotten so d*mn angry that I just couldn't see straight or behave coherently.

Chalk it up to experience and move on

Mindy

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 7:36 pm

Thanks for all the support, Jerry and everyone. I'm still frustrated but cooling down. A little. I know darn well that I speak ENGLISH, not Greek. So what he didn't understand, darned if I know.

PerchanceToDream, I have no idea if I need a bi-level or if something else is going on. Plus I very much like my Elite and Vantage. I don't WANT a bi-level UNLESS I need one. I've got a pretty healthy investment in all that I have, why do I want to waste that? I just wanted and EXPECTED a THOROUGH PSG (and hopefully some answers) and we had agreed (I thought) on what was to be done last night.

JoMac, good for you. You just can't rely on the medical profession as much as we SHOULD be able to.

Yeah, DiesalGal, when and IF I see him again he'll know WHY I almost walked out and WHY the sleep lab manager was called and ....

Thanks, Hades. The only mistake "I" made was not walking out.

Tired and heading to bed. Rest well, all of you, and thanks again. The support really means a lot.

AdmiralCougar · Post by **AdmiralCougar** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:50 pm

Slinky I'm sorry things didn't go well at your PSG. Beating yourself up over what is done wont help anymore, so hopefully you've cooled down enough after a nights sleep back in your own bed. But that Sleep Doc needs to be whipped with a wet noodle...

Anyway only other thing I have to add is some more *huggles* cause you definitely need them

Christy

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 2:18 pm

Thanks yet again for those (((huggles))), Admiral. I felt nice and comfy last night w/all the (((huggles))).

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