don't be so quick to judge

Nightwatcher · Post by **Nightwatcher** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 1:42 pm

Please don't make assumptions that people who quit cpap have family issues because they have children. It seemed like the poster was saying he did not care about them. That is an awful thing to say to a person new to cpap.

My family was asking me to quit cpap because I have been getting much less sleep in the 2 months since starting. I have been a bear to live with.

Last night I got the first 8 hours of sleep I have had in over 2 months. It was because I bought a new 25 dollar pillow at Target. It's called the Down Pocket and has both down & feathers. It shapes to my head and mask so I can sleep on my side again.

My failiure to keep the mask on all night was not due to motivation, guts or smarts. It was partly having a bad pillow.

Perhaps this man's solution will be as simple. Let's give him a break and keep offering PRACTICAL solutions instead of embarrassment and shaming That drives people away. It drove me away from another board.

LavenderMist · Post by **LavenderMist** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:59 pm

I wholeheartedly agree Nightwatcher. This should be a place of encouragement. I almost left once because someone judged something about me as well. We don't know each other on a personal level and have no right to make assumptions about others. A little encouragement can go a long way to keep someone who is struggling from throwing in the towel.

Goofproof · Post by **Goofproof** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 5:49 pm

On the other hand, De-Nile doesn't lead to getting help, Only one thing makes anything work, that's making up your mind you can do it. Can't never finished anything, ever! If you make up your mind you can do something, you can. If you make up your mind you can't, you are right! Jim

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:24 pm

I don't think anyone was trying to shame him! Most people think cpap is just to feel better & sleep better, they don't realize the seriousness of it. If we didn't know about heart attacks & strokes etc., none of us would do this! I think everyone has a right to know the consequences of their actions. To make an informed decision.

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Sat Oct 20, 2007 10:19 pm

Nightwatcher wrote:Please don't make assumptions that people who quit cpap have family issues because they have children. It seemed like the poster was saying he did not care about them. That is an awful thing to say to a person new to cpap.

My family was asking me to quit cpap because I have been getting much less sleep in the 2 months since starting. I have been a bear to live with.

Last night I got the first 8 hours of sleep I have had in over 2 months. It was because I bought a new 25 dollar pillow at Target. It's called the Down Pocket and has both down & feathers. It shapes to my head and mask so I can sleep on my side again.

My failiure to keep the mask on all night was not due to motivation, guts or smarts. It was partly having a bad pillow.

Perhaps this man's solution will be as simple. Let's give him a break and keep offering PRACTICAL solutions instead of embarrassment and shaming That drives people away. It drove me away from another board.

I'm glad you got 8 hours of sleep last night and I hope you have many more 8-hour sleep nights becasue as a Nightwatcher, you're not seeing right ... you got me all wrong on this one.

sharon1965 · Post by **sharon1965** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 12:45 am

sometimes the only way to get thru to someone about the seriousness of this disorder and the dire consequences of leaving it untreated is to appeal to their sense of obligation and their love for their family

i have to admit that last xmas i congratulated my nephew on his new son and then told him how sorry i was for his son and for him that if he continued to ignore his very severe sleep apnea he wouldn't be around to watch the baby and his sister grow up

he has since had both his first psg and his titration study and is now awaiting the results so he can begin treatment

sometimes folks are just trying to present the cold hard truth, not necessarily judging

LavenderMist · Post by **LavenderMist** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 1:06 am

Nightwatcher,
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you were referring to people pointing out the risks of stopping treatment, i.e. heart attack, stroke, impact on family etc, but was referring to this part

My guess is that there are other underlying issues (family/wife)

Maybe I read things wrong, but I thought this was what you meant by this thread. We have no way of knowing what is going on in someone's family life. Sometimes in written word it is hard to communciate because of lack of facial expression, tone of voice etc. Things can be misconstrued. Perhaps, I'm off the mark. If so, please forgive me.

Nightwatcher · Post by **Nightwatcher** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:42 am

I wasn't putting down the clear consequences of SA on people. I was reacting to the implication that there were family issues involved (well, with 7 kids, I guess there would be)

My wife wanted me to quit - I have hardly gotten any rest in over 2 months of being on cpap. This has made me a bear to live with. I imagine he might be the same way.

We need a quick and easy checklist with cheap and simple solutions to every day mask problems.

I bought a second mask, when there was probably nothing wrong with the first one! Most people quit cpap because of issues with the mask.

These cheapest and most empowering thing is a new feather/down pillow. The idea is so simple I am surprised that it is not the first thing tried when a mask "fails". Of course, pillows are sold by department stores, not DMEs.

My point is that we should make practical suggestions. The whole tough love concept is overrated in my opinion. Compassion and practical suggestions work much better.

I am going to go to sleep again and hope I can keep it the CPAP on for 8 hours total tonight again.

If I am able to it will not be because of motivation, character or lack of it. It will be because for the first time in over 2 months I can sleep comfortably thanks to a simple 25 dollar down/feather pillow from Target.

A new pillow might help this man, and his family, a lot more than judgments & guilt trips. I am really surprised that the idea of a pillow is not brought up by the RT who comes over to my house. Of course, she sells $150 masks, not 25 pillows.

Also, sorry all this is in it's own thread. I meant it to be in the threat the poster started. Still new with this blog thing.

shippy · Post by **shippy** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:53 am

I went to see the Country Music Ledgend George Jones at our local fair last week and he sang his song titled Choices anyone who knows George Jones story knows he was a hard living hard drinkin man etc. who's nickname was no show Jones for the concerts he couldn't perform at because he was incapacited and had to cancel. Anyways the point of the song is we live and die by the choices we make. I ain't no angel myself partied hard myself a few times in my life, quit drinking last year So when people want to scold me go ahead i am hard headed and won't listen and when people tell me things i ussually do the opposite, bottom line is we live and die by the choices we make.

Dale

KAZ · Post by **KAZ** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 5:04 am

Nightwatcher, perhaps it is you who are being judge mental. The poster titled his thread "I Quit". If, all he needed was mask adjustment assistance the Forum abounds with what works for others, and may or may not work for him. Our responses, mine at least, were the same as they would have been if the poster was a family member. Quitting is not an option, we have to help each other make the therapy successful. Regards

shippy · Post by **shippy** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 5:15 am

Need to take everything here on this forum with a grain of salt. I take what is usefull to me on this forum and what's not i ignore. I am gratefull for all the help i have recieved here.

Dale

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:44 am

Nightwatcher -

Since you don't read your PMs and you continue to misrepresent me by commenting on partial quotes out of context ... here is what I mean hopefully more clear and in easier to see and understand text -

Nightwatcher wrote:Please don't make assumptions that people who quit cpap have family issues because they have children. It seemed like the poster was saying he did not care about them. That is an awful thing to say to a person new to cpap.

My family was asking me to quit cpap because I have been getting much less sleep in the 2 months since starting. I have been a bear to live with.

Last night I got the first 8 hours of sleep I have had in over 2 months. It was because I bought a new 25 dollar pillow at Target. It's called the Down Pocket and has both down & feathers. It shapes to my head and mask so I can sleep on my side again.

My failiure to keep the mask on all night was not due to motivation, guts or smarts. It was partly having a bad pillow.

Perhaps this man's solution will be as simple. Let's give him a break and keep offering PRACTICAL solutions instead of embarrassment and shaming That drives people away. It drove me away from another board.

It seems to me that you are the one making the assumptions and I'm not assuming that your thread/post is dierected at me, I know it is. I nor anyone else said that he did not care about his children (read that post again). I said that raising 7 kids must be tough (as in difficult … has nothing to do with caring or not) … while others said he should consider the welfare of his children before making such a hasty decision. My point was he needs to look at why he is willing to quit so easily after only one week of impatient mask trials (an easy way out of the treatment perhaps?). If indeed he is not getting support from his family (as you stated was your experience), then he needs to find the strength to do it on his own. He must also realize that his health has to be the number one priority ahead of his family when it comes to the seriousness of sleep apnea because without this treatment both he and his family will end up suffering the consequential losses.

In fact you should read all of those posts again … all of them did offer practical solutions including mine, IMO (for him to think about why he has decided to quit). I think it is you who has been quick to judge and I stand by my comments on this issue ... all I have left to say about your post is that it was based on wrong assumptions.

Do have a pleasant dream or two when you can.

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:52 am

LavenderMist wrote:Nightwatcher,
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you were referring to people pointing out the risks of stopping treatment, i.e. heart attack, stroke, impact on family etc, but was referring to this part

My guess is that there are other underlying issues (family/wife)
Maybe I read things wrong, but I thought this was what you meant by this thread. We have no way of knowing what is going on in someone's family life. Sometimes in written word it is hard to communciate because of lack of facial expression, tone of voice etc. Things can be misconstrued. Perhaps, I'm off the mark. If so, please forgive me.

Yes. You too are wrong and off the mark.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 8:04 am

DreamStalker,
I apologize, I misunderstood the meaning there.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 21, 2007 8:11 am

My sponsor in AA said to me when I asked him to be my sponsor "If you want to stay sober I will walk thru fire to help you, if you just want a shoulder to cry on when you are sick, sober and sorry I will walk across the street to stay away from you".

don't be so quick to judge

don't be so quick to judge

Re: don't be so quick to judge

JUDGMENTS?