Sleep/bed cartoons and Funny Quotes
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rested gal
- Posts: 12880
- Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:14 pm
- Location: Tennessee
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Some Quotes on Sleep:
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
- Warren Zevon
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess
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Once she [his wife] goes to sleep it takes a minor nuclear explosion to wake her.
- Tony Blair
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Sleep is death without the responsibility.
- Fran Liebowitz
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The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
- Ogden Nash
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
- Warren Zevon
***
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
- Anthony Burgess
***
Once she [his wife] goes to sleep it takes a minor nuclear explosion to wake her.
- Tony Blair
***
Sleep is death without the responsibility.
- Fran Liebowitz
***
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
- Ogden Nash
A Good Sleep
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You;ve got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You;ve got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
"Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
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rustynail
More Quotes:
Don't tell me what you dreamed last night for I've been reading Freud.---Franklin Adams
Insomniacs don't sleep because they worry about it, and they worry about it because they don't
sleep.---Franklin Adams
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.---Fred Allen
It is such stuff and nonsense that dreams are made of.---Clifton Fadiman
The smaller the head, the bigger the dream.
---Austin O'Malley
My life's dream has been a perpetual nightmare.
---Voltaire
A professor is someone who talk's in someone else's sleep.---Wystan Auden
A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years eating.---Arnold Bennett
It's not easy for X and Y to lay in the same bed unless both are asleep.
(Use this and substitute two rivaling parties for X & Y)
The only time most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.---Wilson Mizner
I never sleep comfortably except when I am at a sermon.---Rabelais
Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
---James Stephens
Don't tell me what you dreamed last night for I've been reading Freud.---Franklin Adams
Insomniacs don't sleep because they worry about it, and they worry about it because they don't
sleep.---Franklin Adams
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.---Fred Allen
It is such stuff and nonsense that dreams are made of.---Clifton Fadiman
The smaller the head, the bigger the dream.
---Austin O'Malley
My life's dream has been a perpetual nightmare.
---Voltaire
A professor is someone who talk's in someone else's sleep.---Wystan Auden
A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years eating.---Arnold Bennett
It's not easy for X and Y to lay in the same bed unless both are asleep.
(Use this and substitute two rivaling parties for X & Y)
The only time most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.---Wilson Mizner
I never sleep comfortably except when I am at a sermon.---Rabelais
Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
---James Stephens
Sleep Better
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
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seanconnery
- Posts: 120
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2005 7:48 pm
- Location: British Columbia, Canada
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rustynail
Ooooh, Oooooh, MY TURN, MY TURN, how's this one? -
I was on a cruise ship once and upon going for a walk around the deck one windy night I chanced upon an elderly lady who was desperately trying to hold on to her hat with both hands.
I attempted to stifle a giggle upon informing the elderly woman that it was indeed very windy and her skirt was up under her arms instead of covering her legs.
The old dear just looked me dead in the eyes and said: "Honey, I'm 83 years old and anything anyone can see down there is 83 years old, I just bought this hat two days ago!"
I was on a cruise ship once and upon going for a walk around the deck one windy night I chanced upon an elderly lady who was desperately trying to hold on to her hat with both hands.
I attempted to stifle a giggle upon informing the elderly woman that it was indeed very windy and her skirt was up under her arms instead of covering her legs.
The old dear just looked me dead in the eyes and said: "Honey, I'm 83 years old and anything anyone can see down there is 83 years old, I just bought this hat two days ago!"
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Guest