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... · Post by **...** » Sun May 13, 2007 5:30 pm

I am so tired...I just don't care any more. It is a matter of time before I do something I will regret, because I am full of uncontrollable feelings from being sleep deprived. I am becoming a monster...and I don't know what to do. I don't care what I do. My temper is flaring, and I hate it. No meds will help me, cpap doesn't help me, even though I am fully compliant. I just cannot deal with it. I try and try and try and try and try...but for what? What does it matter? I suffer...and suffer. I don't want to be tired any more...I am sick of it as an excuse and I am sick of it as an inhibitor. I am posting this here because I have no one that will listen...if I call someone, what are they going to do with me? I am so tired that I operate on IMPULSE...which is down right scary. I can't explain it to my spouse, they do not understand. Neither do my kids. Which is why they shouldn't have to put up with me. Sleep apnea will kill me...

Slinky · Post by **Slinky** » Sun May 13, 2007 6:56 pm

So you are sleeping faithfully w/your CPAP? Your mask is not keeping you awake due to ill fit or leaks? And you are still exhausted?

Then there is something more to this than "just" apnea. Make one more trip to your doctor. Lay it on him or her just as you've laid it out here. You should be hospitalized for exhuastion, depression, anger and a complete workup to find the PHYSICAL reasons.

Good luck, God bless and ((((hugs))))

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Sun May 13, 2007 8:08 pm

Many on here understand reaching a point when exhaustion robs you of all your usual coping mechanisms. Either your apnea treatment is ineffective or you have other things going on. I suggest you print out your post and take it to a doctor. Whatever doctor is over your sleep treatment needs to know that what has been done thusfar is inadequate. They cannot know the urgency of your need if you don't tell them. Explicitly. Emphatically. Expectantly. No wiggle room.

If you have trouble getting prompt attention, go to an urgent care. If they can help you thru one night, that's something.

You shouldn't have to live life this miserably tired. In your post you have acknowledged how serious this has become. Now is the time to give the problem all the front-and-center focus and attention it requires to resolve your issues and feel better. I hope you you find that soon.

Kathy

Bamalady · Post by **Bamalady** » Sun May 13, 2007 8:52 pm

Hi-

If you find your way back her and need to vent, please do. I well remember when I was so tired that just showering was a major undertaking.

I can't explain it to my spouse, they do not understand. Neither do my kids. Which is why they shouldn't have to put up with me.

We must be cut from different cloth. Before I was diagnosed, I expected the full support of my family. And expected them to put up with me. Why not? I have put up with each of them when they hit a bad spot. Turn about and all that.

You didn't say how long you have been treating your Apnea. It may be that the treatment hasn't had time work yet.....or it may be that there are other problems as mentioned above. Whatever it is, don't give up. We will try to help if we can.

Hugs and good thoughts are being sent your way.

Tkuentz · Post by **Tkuentz** » Sun May 13, 2007 10:26 pm

The way your are feeling, both physically and mentally need to be addressed NOW.

If you cut your arm open and needed stiches you would go to the doctor for help . . . . This is much more serious and life-threatening. Please tell your family your desperation and then insist on getting help RIGHT NOW! There are many doctors that will listen and help.

Please get some help now. Shout from the rooftops that you need to get these issues addressed and take care of yourself so that you may take care of your children.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon May 14, 2007 3:25 pm

Our hearts go out to you...
My husband has been through 13 years of struggle with a mild brain injury, and apparently severe sleep apnea, overlooked but recently diagnosed, is a huge turning point for him.
Here are a few things that we found helped. They may or may not be right for you.
1) Having an "advocate" (one who is working with you in your best interest) (friend, family member, etc.) to go on all appts. to help ask questions, to fight on your behalf, to help deal with insurance etc. To help relieve the mental burden and add "logic" to situations.
2) Go on appts. prepared. Write down questions, symptoms etc. so none are forgotten "under the gun."
3) We requested testing for viruses, often overlooked, that thrive in low oxygen environments. Eipstein Barr, H Pyloria, Lyme, & Candidias would be some.
4) We stick close to this web site. They sure have helped us in navigating through this maze of sleep issues.

Persist, push the Drs. and don't give up! There is a "cause." Find it and things will turn around. God bless.

Babette · Post by **Babette** » Mon May 14, 2007 3:31 pm

PEACE AND BLESSINGS UPON YOU.

I felt just like you do, two Thursdays back. I've been doing anything I can to overcome it and get through it. I tracked down my doctor's personal email and wrote her a long note. Freaked her out so bad, she saw me the next day, and gave me a prescription for Provigil. I spent a few days debating, but I took it today and so far so good.

I'm no success story. I'm strung out, yelling at my poor disabled stepfather, and screwing up a work.

I'm definitely here for you to rant to. Rant away. Do what you have to do. Resist the urge to hit bodies. Hit walls. Scream if you have to.

Call your doctor and cry. Tell them you're in deep need of HELP - TODAY! Not next month.

HUGS AND BLESSINGS,
Babette

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon May 14, 2007 4:07 pm

I undertstand your struggle and pray that you get a break. I think many of us have been there fortunatly mine always had plateaus of tolerance but some weeks I feel like the worst wife and mother and I hate myself and feel like Im dying its at those points somehow somewhere my body suddenly gets caught up alittle. There is hope dont give up. Demand it to your doctor lay it out like the other poster said. I harped on my doctors for my health issues the muscl fatigue exhaustion adn irritabilty was owning me and I had been to a rheumatoligist, neuroligist, my endrocrinologist and had every type of blood work done for months before being sent to a sleep lab. Even then it took 3 overnights and one at home test with an apnea link to finally get where I am and I still am a newbie and have reaped the benefits yet. I know how easy it is get in that odd state where you just feel like your dying of exhaustion and nothing is working right. At the very least try some sleeping pills if your new to treatment to help buy you a break it wont overcome apnea but may cut you some slack. Also demand to your doctor to get to the bottom of it tell him flat out what your feelings. If not that like the other poster said if you really kind find that break by God get into the hospital and let them do what we pay them to do. This isnt fair and you shouldnt have to feel this way. We are here we are praying for you and please know your not alone. It will be okay.

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Too tired to fight it