Newly diagnosed.

[hangdawg]

Hi everyone.

I'm glad to be here. Looks like a great place for information and support. Where to start? OSA sucks! I consider myself a pretty smart dude. I've had a successful 21 year career in IT as a database administrator. Problem solving skills have always been a strong suit for me. It's why I've been successful in my career. That is until a couple of years ago when things started going downhill. I started getting increasingly agitated and stressed out. Anxiety through the roof and this awful disconnected feeling. It's like a constant state of panic, for no reason. I can't even sit in my living room and watch a movie without the possibility of spacing out and getting weird or feeling like I'm about to be attacked. Needless to say my wife who I love very much, is beaten down by inability to connect emotionally with her. I forget things all the time. I have an terrible time completing tasks that require multiple steps and planning. Even attempting such things will sometimes set off the panic and disconnected feeling that can last weeks. My wife can't hardly stand to be around me any longer. In fact, she will go out of her way to avoid me and not talk to me. That's because I can't barely follow a conversation any more. All this confusion just leads to more panic and me flailing around trying to keep myself from going under and my wife leaving me for good. The harder I try, the worse it is. Trying to figure out what the hell is going on has lead to, general anxiety and meds, to an ADHD diagnosis and other meds all of which do not really help. Last month I had a sleep study, WHAM! Severe OSA. 37AHI. My wife god love her is the one who suggested I get the study done because she was concerned about my heart. She probably saved my life but now I'm still worried about my brain and my marriage. I really feel stupid sometimes and now I know it's because I was slowly dying every night. I had a rough start with my machine at first, a dreamstation. They sent me out with the default settings and left me on my own. I would wake up after an hour or two feeling like I was choking or something. I never made it longer than 4 hours in one night and that was only after removing it for a couple hours and restarting. I've called the DME supplier about half a dozen times and can't ever get to speak to the person who fitted me. I found this place and the secret to getting in to the settings. After much reading I decided to try some changes on my own. Needless to say, last night I went 7h 52m with it on. I think I may be able to get used to it, but I'm really hoping for a miracle. I hate feeling stupid, and afraid and disconnected all the time. I need my life and my wife back. I'm very sad right now because I may have missed the boat. Damage to my brain and my relationship with my wife is already done. Anyways, thanks for being here. Thanks for the information provided here. And thanks for reading.

[Pugsy]

Welcome to the forum.

Damage to anything can almost always be repaired through hard work. Unfortunately it doesn't happen often from overnight miracles despite how badly we want it to happen.
This is especially true with damage to relationships....hard work and communication are your biggest assets.

[hangdawg]

Welcome to the forum.

Damage to anything can almost always be repaired through hard work. Unfortunately it doesn't happen often from overnight miracles despite how badly we want it to happen.
This is especially true with damage to relationships....hard work and communication are your biggest assets.

Yeah, pretty tough when your communication skills weren't really that spectacular to begin with and have dropped down to that of an angry 4th grader. I can't seem to get a point across without coming of as a defensive jackass.

[Okie bipap]

Welcome to the forum. As you have already seen, there is a lot of help here. Some of the people will hold your hand and gently lead you in your XPAP journey. Others, on the other hand, take a less subtle approach. I wish you well on your journey. As you have already found, the people we expect to help us (DME, doctor, etc.) often fall short of our expectations. When you come back and post questions, please continue with this thread for now. That will make it easier for people to help you.

[FtStWUaCGBtS]

Pugsy said a mouthful.

Keep the talking going, just regular talk. If you feel you are drifting, let your Wife know, she can probably help more than hurt the situation

It is possible the sleep apnea has caused some problems. Mine were a really wild mixed bag, and when things started getting better as I slept better, it made getting GOOD sleep job #1. Hopefully your longer sleep period wasn't just sheer exhaustion, and is the beginning of getting better. Hang with it, your odds of feeling better lie in good sleep based on your numbers.

Strangely whenever I talk with people about CPAP I always say, it's all about the mask. When I talk to people who quit using their equipment they always say the mask drove them nutz, the mask put sores on their face, head, nose.... Fine whatever mask that works for you, and compliance is a LOT easier, and with compliance you will get better.

[Miss Emerita]

You are not alone, and your life can definitely get better! I suspect that as you begin to sleep better, you and your wife will find it easier to reconnect. A few visits to a marriage counselor might hasten the process. And your mood and cognition will surely improve.

You’ve already done one key thing, and that is to be active in shaping your apnea therapy. As FtS says, masks are important to your successful treatment, not just settings. So watch videos about fitting your mask, but then don’t settle for a mask that fits uncomfortably despite your best efforts.

And as I’ve learned from many other forum members, it’s good to look up your meds on line to see if any of them have sleep disruption as a possible side-effect. If they do, by all means talk with your doctor about how to adjust your meds.

All the best of luck!

[Sheriff Buford]

The lower number on the "default setting" is waaaay too low. I suspect that is why you are waking up grasping or choking. With the clinical manual, you can bump it up to a comfortable setting. Probably a 6 or 7. It's usually a 2 or 3 button sequence to bump it up. Somebody with a Philips tell this young man the sequence.

If you communicate, just as you did here, with your wife, and she sees you trying to get help.... she may stick it out with you. As we age and our bodies start to break down, we tend to think we have to take that journey by ourselves and we leave our spouses behind. Our spouses have to make that walk with you and we can't leave them behind or shut them out. Especially if we love them or want to grow old with them.

As was stated, we can help you with the cpap journey. I hope your sleep apnea is the problem, because we can help you fix it. We'll help you with cpap…. you start working on your marriage!!

Sheriff

[purple22]

My first thought, off the top of my head. No offense.

Have you been screened for Diabetes?