Need advice--I think my 78 year old father has sleep apnea

[Candi]

My 78-year-old father has snored very loud for as long as I can remember. LOUD as in "is there a train coming through the house?" Not sure if he still snores that loud now, though. However, he told me recently that when he sleeps on his back he sometimes can't breathe or he wakes up gasping for air. So, now he sleeps on his side and he doesn't have that problem. He believes that because he doesn't wake up gasping for air when he sleeps on his side that he "might have a mild case of sleep apnea." I'm not sure you can tell if you have a mild or severe case of sleep apnea without being tested. Maybe someone can shed light on that for me.

I recently was diagnosed with sleep apnea and it's been life-changing as most of you can relate to. I was tired all the time and now I'm never tired anymore. My dad has a lot of trouble sleeping and he's tired a lot, so I'm encouraging him to get tested for sleep apnea. However, he doesn't seem interested in pursuing it. I think it will have a huge impact on his quality of life, but he thinks that he's too old to (in his words) "create any more discomfort than I have to. Or need to."

I thought I'd come here to see if anyone started using a CPAP machine at his age (or know anyone who has) and if you would encourage him to see if he has SA and get a CPAP machine if he does. I will show him this discussion.

I'm pretty sure he is referring to sleeping with a mask on when he refers to "discomfort." I've told him that I have a love-hate relationship with my mask. While it's relatively comfortable, it's not as comfortable as nothing on my face, but the benefits of wearing it while I sleep far outweigh the slight discomfort I have to deal with while I sleep.

I might have him wear an oximeter while he sleeps sometime so that I can at least see his oxygen levels and how long they drop down, if they do.

Thanks!

Candi

[Okie bipap]

I started about a month before I turned 73. My wife started four months before she turned 72. We weren't really thrilled to start using the machines, but we did it and use them every night. I took mine to the hospital with me when I had a hip replaced the first of this year.

[Julie]

I would talk to his MD and see what they think... I'm not sure you should be 'diagnosing' someone his age regardless of how much you think he's got apnea - he probably does, but there may be various cardiac issues involved at this point that should be checked out before just throwing a mask at him (and from the sound of it, he probably won't go for it anyhow without more advice from his MD).

[kaiasgram]

My 91 year old mother was diagnosed a couple of months ago, and so far she's giving the CPAP a good go. I think the medical crisis that preceded her finally agreeing to a sleep study was a motivating factor. She's disappointed that she doesn't feel better, but she's soldiering on with the CPAP -- for now.

Some people have had a wake-up call with an overnight oximetry study -- looking at those low O2 numbers in the report can be *very* motivating.

[Uff Da]

I'm 76 and just started APAP in May. I'm still having trouble with it and may end up having another sleep study for a bi-level machine as a result. The motivating factor for me was that I started having heart palpitations that started only when I was sleeping on my back. I knew I sometimes woke up with a big snort, so I'd been suspicious for years that I might have sleep apnea. But the palpitations were what got me thinking that this could be serious. My sleep study showed an uncorrected AHI of 88, so I definitely had a problem. I'm still working on trying to fix it.

At this age, though, many of us do weigh quality of life issues against the possibility of longer life. My partner, for example, says he wouldn't go through the hassle of treating if he had OSA. His attitude is that we are all going to have to die sometime and what better way to go than quietly in one's sleep. I think somewhat the same, but I'm just not ready for it to happen quite yet. Your father will have to make his own determination of whether or not the trouble is likely to be worth it.

[palerider]

. My partner, for example, says he wouldn't go through the hassle of treating if he had OSA. His attitude is that we are all going to have to die sometime and what better way to go than quietly in one's sleep.

That is a good way to go.... however, it's not that I'm concerned about extending my time around here... though I know there's some nasty characters here that are hoping every night that I'll croak off, and disappointing them just tickles me pink...

No, it's about having a better life while awake, having more energy, feeling better... being able to enjoy the awake times more... that's what it's about for me, not feeling like dogshit all the time.

[kteague]

However, he doesn't seem interested in pursuing it. I think it will have a huge impact on his quality of life, but he thinks that he's too old to (in his words) "create any more discomfort than I have to. Or need to."

Maybe flip that script for him. If he indeed has OSA, at his age he has earned the right to sleep in peace without suffocating. Treatment is a favor one does oneself, not a bad thing done to them.

[nanwilson]

I just had the same exact conversation with my next door neighbour and he is still in total denial, I could not convince him otherwise… even though he has had several small heart attacks and his son says he snores like he's going to shake the house apart
Just hope and pray that your Dad gets the message sooner than later... in the mean time just treat him like you always have and love him like today is his last. (hugs)
Cheers
Nan

[chunkyfrog]

He's lucky to have such a loving child, but many need a "wake up call" before they are moved to action.
You can mention your concerns to his doctor--and wait until he needs his meds refilled.
Sneaky, but it might do the trick. You can ask the doc to not mention your involvement.

[Okie bipap]

I tried for over a year to talk my wife into getting tested. She refused to even talk about it. When we had next doctor appointment, I told our doctor that she was snoring and would stop breathing at night. Our doctor scheduled her for the sleep study. She was upset with me at first, but now she feels better that she did before, so she has forgiven me.

[Candi]

Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful replies. I have a lot to think about.

I'm not sure you should be 'diagnosing' someone his age regardless of how much you think he's got apnea

I'm not diagnosing him. I'm just encouraging him to talk to his doctor about it and see if the doctor thinks he should be tested to see if he has it. For all I know, he doesn't have sleep apnea. And I've told him that I don't know if he does; I just think he should look into it as a possibility.

At this age, though, many of us do weigh quality of life issues against the possibility of longer life. My partner, for example, says he wouldn't go through the hassle of treating if he had OSA. His attitude is that we are all going to have to die sometime and what better way to go than quietly in one's sleep.

And this is what I'm having trouble with. Part of me wants to respect his wishes to not pursue this. But, the other part of me thinks that if he were diagnosed with sleep apnea and was able to get the CPAP to work without too much trouble that he'd feel SO MUCH BETTER. And who doesn't want to feel better? I know he'd like to feel better, but he's pretty convinced that his fatigue comes from his diabetes and just from "being old." I know that blood sugar issues can make one tired, but if he also has sleep apnea and can take care of it, it seems he would feel better even if the diabetes is contributing to his fatigue.

He sees a new doctor (no idea who she is...my dad lives 100 miles from me) on Thursday. I'll just pray that he has a good discussion with her about all his health issues. So far, he has had very bad experiences with doctors and doesn't think much of them. My son is in his fourth year of med school...wonder what he thinks of him, lol.

Thanks again!

Candi

[chunkyfrog]

Without cpap, I really believe my diabetes would be worse.
It takes energy to deal with diabetes, and cpap helps--a lot.

[SewTired]

My Mom has sleep apnea when she sleeps on her back and almost none sleeping on her side. Given that she has insomnia problems due to neck pain, the doc didn't recommend that she even have a sleep study. HOWEVER, if she is being admitted to the hospital, this should be mentioned every time so that the admitting doctor can add an order for oxygen if needed (you have to ask each time). Oxygen does help with mild apnea. She now has a pillow behind her to keep her from sleeping on her back at home.

With my late BIL, his mild apnea was solved by raising the head of the bed 4-5 inches. However, Mom found that excruciating on her neck.

I'm not saying that this is a solution for your father, but if he isn't struggling to breathe when on his side and he refuses to get a sleep study, at least you can make these suggestions.