Need some suggestions on how to make my husband compliant

[ready2sleep]

We both are on cpap machines. Both sent from different doctors. The rhematologist who sent me keeps up on compliance. I take the smart card once a month, they download it into my file so they know how compliant I have been. Unfortunately our cpc sent my husband, and he uses it every once in a while. If he had fallen asleep on the couch he just comes up and gets into bed says he is to tired to mess with the mask, etc. Any suggestions what to do. I have given him all the arguments about how bad this is for health, to no avail. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks in advance for all the help.

[krousseau]

No one can make another person be compliant-he has to decide to do it.
1 You can tell him you love him and worry about his health
2 Say you don't want to be left alone
3 Try humor-teasing
4 Get wicked-start making plans about what you are going to do when you are a widow-It has to be fun stuff
5 Rather than asking why he won't use it--ask what it would take to make him use his cpap
6 Get serious-tell him you think you should add on to his life insurance-do this the day before you put out a bunch of travel brochures
7 Don't nag-say one thing a day-keep it short-if he tries to argue-say you have said all you are going to about it for the day
8 Hand him the mask when he gets into bed and turn over.

[wading thru the muck!]

It sounds like he is having difficulty getting his mask to fit correctly without making adjustments each tim he puts it on. Maybe look at getting him a nasal pillow mask. The are much less invasive and are VERY easy to put on an take off. I use >THIS< one. If he has a machine with an auto-on feature all he would need to do is slip it on his mask and start breathing... no excuses... we men like to make excuses. LOL!

[Wulfman]

Ahhhhh.......one of THOSE......
He's REALLY not compliant if he can sleep without it.
What kind of machine and mask does he have?
It only takes me a couple of seconds to put my mask on and get the machine started.
I was thinking of something a little more direct.....like shoving him out of bed after he gets sound asleep. After hitting the floor a couple of times, I would think he would get the message.

That was sort of "tongue-in-cheek" (as it might be considered spousal abuse), but he needs HIS wake-up call to get to using it.

Can you get him to get on this forum with us? We'd be glad to have a talk with him about his therapy.

Best wishes,

Den

[Rafe]

I'm just a newbie, but I am also man, so I know something about denial. My wife pestered me for years to see a sleep doctor, but I just kept puttng it off because I thought I was sleeping fine. Then I finally did the study, and my doctor impressed upon me the serious damage I was doing to myself. Ultimately, two things made an impact on me and made me make a commitment to CPAP. First was my love for my wife. I want to be around as ling as I can for her. Second, the first 2 nights on CPAP made me feel soooo much better, I just couldn't stop. I know some have trouble adjusting, but they have to feel the improvement, or the hassle and discomfort just isn't worth it.

Best of luck!

[JP]

I'm the husband with the APAP machine and I have no problem being compliant, so I'm not sure how good my advice might be. But you could try motivating him with what motivates me.

"Are you tired of feeling tired all the time, of not having enough energy left at the end of the day to do more than plop down on the couch with the remote? Maybe you think that's just getting older, but a lot of that feeling can come from not getting enough good sleep."

Three months ago I was that person. And I've only been on my APAP about two weeks, and the masks are a hassle to get used to, but already I feel better. I can take the dog out for a brisk 30 minute walk and come home feeling invigorated instead of worn out. The kids are into TaeKwonDo, and I'm gonna let them talk me into joining in the spring when (if i can keep up my weight-loss trajectory, cross fingers) I'm down another 20 pounds.

I got home before my wife one day and I did the dishes AND folded the laundry(*).

(* actual husband housework results may vary )

[SelfSeeker]

I agree with kroussea,

No one can make another person compliant. Just like no one can make a smoker stop smoking. You get the point.

JP - I love your post.

Is plopping on the couch the same as sitting my the computer?

I'm the husband with the APAP machine and I have no problem being compliant, so I'm not sure how good my advice might be. But you could try motivating him with what motivates me.

"Are you tired of feeling tired all the time, of not having enough energy left at the end of the day to do more than plop down on the couch with the remote? Maybe you think that's just getting older, but a lot of that feeling can come from not getting enough good sleep."

Three months ago I was that person. And I've only been on my APAP about two weeks, and the masks are a hassle to get used to, but already I feel better. I can take the dog out for a brisk 30 minute walk and come home feeling invigorated instead of worn out. The kids are into TaeKwonDo, and I'm gonna let them talk me into joining in the spring when (if i can keep up my weight-loss trajectory, cross fingers) I'm down another 20 pounds.

I got home before my wife one day and I did the dishes AND folded the laundry(*).

(* actual husband housework results may vary )

[ozij]

If he had fallen asleep on the couch he just comes up and gets into bed says he is to tired to mess with the mask, etc. Any suggestions what to do. I have given him all the arguments about how bad this is for health, to no avail. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks in advance for all the help.

Basically I agreee with Krousseau, but noticed the above quoted statement. It could be that that's at rationalization, but I wonder if it's just one of those behavior patterns we sometimes get into without noticing. Maybe thing will be better if you (plural) break part of this problematic cycle:

Is your husband deeply commited to falling asleep on the couch? Could you two find a way of keeping that from happening?
e.g.:

* Would he agree for you nudge him awake when he falls asleep on the couch so he could go to bed immediately, before having spent some time in exhausting "groggyfiying" apneic slumber?

* Could you bring him the cpap to the living room when you see him falling asleep on the couch and will he then put in on ?

Or, if this happens after you go to bed:

* Could You (plural, or he) buy a second cpap to keep in the couch area, and will he put it on before settling down?

There's this old joke about how many psychologists it takes to change a lighbulb. One, but the lightbulb must want to change...

You two can manage it, if he wants to change.

O.

[JP]

I agree with kroussea,

No one can make another person compliant. Just like no one can make a smoker stop smoking. You get the point.

JP - I love your post.

Is plopping on the couch the same as sitting my the computer?

I'd say so, the lethargic activity of choice depends on the letharg-ee.