Worried about CPAP - at consultation stage

Jennie · Post by **Jennie** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:15 am

My partner left me, one of the reasons he gave was my horrendously loud snoring which, as it turns out, has now been diagnosed as sleep apnea.

I went to see my GP and after a referral and sleep study I have now been referred on for a CPAP trial. I'm really bothered by the fact that I have to use a CPAP machine and that it may be for life.

I hate the thought of having to wear a mask every night for the rest of my life, I cannot bear the thought of having to tell any new relationship that I want to spend the night with that I have to wear such a thing. I've already lost one partner because of snoring, the thought of sleeping alone forever because of a noisy, ugly, and most definitely passion-killing face mask just fills me with dread. But it seems like its that or snore! It feels like a lose-lose situation.

How has everyone else coped with this I know my having the mask will mean for once in my life I will sleep soundly, but is it worth loneliness? Have any CPAP wearers partners got anything to say on this too? It really worries me. I'm only 42 and am really worried.

Help!

snoregirl · Post by **snoregirl** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:22 am

I can't say about starting out single, but my husband moved back IN our bedroom when the snoring stopped (via CPAP). He just couldn't take it.

wahooker · Post by **wahooker** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:27 am

All I can suggest is that you be upfront with people. And look at it this way. Its a medical device required for your medical condition.

If you are going to be with someone, particularly over the long term, do you really want someone so superficial that they would be scared by a piece of medical equipment.

Just explain to them that without it you stop breathing at night. Anyone who is worth keeping is going to be intelligent enough and compassionate enough to understand and accept that.

Look as it as an opportunity to filter out the ones lacking enough intelligence or compassion to be worth your while. (Without finding out years down the road what they are really like.)

schmidtwi · Post by **schmidtwi** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:30 am

Jennie,

If your partner left you for snoring, you're likely better off without him anyway. How shallow.

Welcome to this board. You came to the right place to get some excellent feedback and answers to your questions.

I snored my entire life as far back as I can remember (I'm now 50), and haven't snored hardly at all the past 2 months on BiPAP. So you do have something good to look forward to. Let alone how much better you'll feel getting some good sleep for a change.

I trust you'll find someone that can accept that you have a medical health problem that CPAP can improve.

Remember - you don't have a snoring problem, you have a breathing problem.

Nitro Dan · Post by **Nitro Dan** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:32 am

Your quality of life will improve so much you won't care about the machine. A partner worth his salt won't care about it either, trust me. Even friends and new aquaintences won't mind. They will most likely be inquisitive, and happy that you have found treatment for your condition, and that you are feeling better.

wuelfman · Post by **wuelfman** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:45 am

i can tell that my wife does not even think about it other then fact my snoring as gone to to almost 0 ( she likes) i don't move around i feel better
my kids think my "darth vader" mask is funny. i let them feel the air, hold the mask up to there face. after the first day its not even thought about anymore and i have a 11yr old and a 4 yr old. do if a grown person cant handle it why bother with that person.?

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:52 am

As GoofProof has stated before on this forum ... "We all have some kind of baggage -- Your's is just out in the open because you are dealing with it".

If he left you for snoring ... chances are he would have left you for something else later ... better now than later after investing much more time and money.

Remember your health should be number one because without it, most everything else really does not matter.

Hang in there and visit here whenever you need information and/or support ... welcome to the family.

- roberto

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:06 pm

Jennie,

Tell "whomever" that it's the new "fashion statment" and they're just not with the "in crowd" unless they use one
In reality, you'd probably be surprised how many of the people you know probably use one already. Since I was diagnosed, I've encountered LOTS of people either were or have started on this therapy, too. It's almost like the doctors discovered an epidemic.....(and another source of income).

The therapy really will make you feel a whole lot better.....and THAT'S what counts.

Best wishes,

Den

TXKajun · Post by **TXKajun** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 12:47 pm

Hmmm, "passion-killing face mask"?? I'm going to admit to just the opposite! It's been more a "passion-kindling face mask" for me!

I've been a hosehead for 19 months now and my love life is better than it's been in the last 5 years (I just turned 55)! I have the energy as well as the desire which had almost totally gone away before going on the mask. Sweetie also likes to be able to sleep in the bedroom again and not have to move to the living room because of my snoring. It's a bunch easier on both of us. As for telling a new partner, well, it probably wouldn't be too smart to let him know on the first date, heck, or even the 3rd or 6th date. Take you time and get to know them. Believe me, if it's LOVE! The REAL DEAL! a mask isn't gonna matter a darn bit!

Good luck!

Kajun

This therapy works! And helps in the darndest ways!

frapilu · Post by **frapilu** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 1:23 pm

My best friend & I were both diagnosed 3 years ago. I was (and still am) married and my husband has been thrilled to be able to sleep without hearing all my snoring. He's less than impressed, mind you, about many of the masks like the NasalAire, NasalAire II and Swift Mirage that blow air straight at him (by the way, I now use an F&P HC406, which doesn't blow are on him).

My friend was single and basically had no social life. She was always at home, tired & depressed. Now, she's a social butterfly, going out, having boyfriends (sounds silly saying "boyfriend" when she's 57 years old and they're in her age group) and having a lovely love life. She has energy and vitality now that she didn't have then.

Yeah, some guys couldn't handle cpap. They're history now and replaced by better guys.

Hang in there. You'll feel so good once you're on cpap and get it settled.
France

Handgunner45 · Post by **Handgunner45** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 1:26 pm

Check out these links.

viewtopic.php?p=102877&highlight=#102877

viewtopic.php?p=104035&highlight=#104035

viewtopic.php?t=10653&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Bookbear · Post by **Bookbear** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 1:41 pm

From a practical standpoint, there WILL be some impact on intimacy, but that's not to say that if you or your partner are interested in some play that you cannot take your mask off in bed and then put it back on afterwards. The mask doesn't HAVE to go on the instant you get into bed, and intimate moments don't have to be confined to the bed or the bedroom. Snuggling and spooning in bed is still possible, though not perhaps in every position (vent exhaust flow tickles!). As others have stated, it would be a pretty shallow person who would regard your use of a cpap as a relationship deal-breaker. Personally, I'd work it into the conversation earlier rather than later...their reaction should give you a good indication of whether or not this person is worth pursuing.

Cpap therapy DOES take getting used to, but when the alternative is considered.... In this way, its similar to a diabetic's position. I doubt that there are many diabetics who actually enjoy pricking their fingers several times a day, or injecting themselves before meals; and those procedures can cause some social embarassment. But when the alternative is considered.......

Untreated OSA carries a host of health risks. It doubles to triples your risk of heart attack and stroke, it increases blood pressure, it deprives you of sleep (which may make you sleepy at the wheel or when working with equipment, making you a danger to yourself and others). What parter who valued you would object to a treatment that spared you all of those things?

Good luck, and don't hesitate to visit here and post further questions. There are many good caring people here who have faced the same issues you are facing and are willing to listen and advise.

_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): CPAP

Jennie · Post by **Jennie** » Wed Sep 06, 2006 2:24 am

I've read all your replies with immense gratitude - particularly those links where other single women have had exactly the same worries .

I must confess, I am still very worried about it, but you are all right, if I have to have this thing then I have to have it. Any man worth having will want me for me, hose and all!!

I'm looking forward to knowing what a real night's sleep will be like (I hadn't realised that my problem snoring meant I never had a full nights sleep!), and who knows, the renewed energy may give me renewed confidence.

I had a long talk with my GP yesterday and he basically said that I have to have it, so that's it! End of! If I don't then the hospital could refuse treatment in future., so, I guess it's just another period of adjustment in my life that I will deal with and move on. Heck, I've been through worse than this! (Some of your comments made me realise that too!

I think I just needed to hear it from those who actually KNOW how it feels, not those who prescribe and shrug away concerns.

You are all so encouraging, thank you. It's still a bit daunting and, having read all your comments I made the decision to tell the guy I am currently dating about it.

We are in the very early stages of our relationship but I don't want any secrets and am honest so I took a deep breath (no pun intended!) and told him.

He was pretty shocked and I don't know if it will impact on us, but, when we get to "that" stage (if we do!!) we shall soon find out!!!

Thanks for making me feel so welcome too. It makes a difference.

apneaicinisrael · Post by **apneaicinisrael** » Wed Sep 06, 2006 2:34 am

Good for you that you were able to share your process with the guy you are dating. I think that bringing him in on it (or anyone else...) on the ground floor is the best approach. As others have said, and I must say, too, the guy who left you for your snorning just used it as an excuse. Anyone who loves you will want you to breathe at night.
Tell us what you are up to - when will you get a machine? What mask will you have?
And keep posting!
AII

Jennie · Post by **Jennie** » Wed Sep 06, 2006 2:45 am

I have to wait now for another sleep study (not sure what THAT will entail!) and then be measured up ( ) again, not even sure what that involves... and then I should have a mask.

I have rung the hospital and asked if they can give me more information (I find that if I KNOW about something then I'm not so scared of it!) about what's going to happen etc.. and I have to call them tomorrow to speak to a technician (which sounds ominous!)

I think I'm in for a really big learning curve, but I like to learn so - it's another adventure! Just need to keep a positive spin on this thing.

Thanks again, and I will definitely keep posting and reading this forum as I have learnt more in the last 24 hours than the last 12 months!

Jennie

Machine	Mask

Additional Comments: Avg. AHI .4

Worried about CPAP - at consultation stage

Worried about CPAP - at consultation stage

Thank you