What a great post. Thank you SO much. I appreciate your experience re: apnea, but the other things you shared and suggested were JUST what I needed to hear today.
So glad you were willing to be brave enough to change regardless of what others want to do. And that's right - people will often fight very hard for us not to change but once we do try accept it. They for even really "know" sometimes what they're doing so it's important not to take things personally or hold grudges. "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."
I've been scared about having to go back into the shelter system (which I have to do by tomorrow morning) because I'm so tired. If I weren't tired I'd be fine. But letting go of those grudges will help me be less tired I think. Especially while awake. Looking for the good in my situation and trusting God to keep me ok, and that this CPAP therapy will work if I keep at it.
Thanks so much. You've done great for yourself it seems
Mudrock63 wrote:Hopefullady: You came to the right place for help. I've learned more from reading this board than I ever did from sleep technicians, doctors, etc. I took the mask off twice in the early goings. It is just an adjustment thing. It happens. Once you get a good, comfortable fit, you will get used to it and probably stop taking it off in the middle of the night. I am to the point now where I would not be able to go to sleep without it. That is another adjustment. When I first put it on I concentrate on getting comfortable, both in sleeping position and in breathing with the flow. Once I know it is working and get that last nose itch out of the way, I am usually asleep in just a few minutes. Now that I am used to it, the therapy itself never wakes me up.
The biggest steps you can take, IMO, is acceptance that the apnea MUST be treated, and a huge commitment to learning a lot of stuff that will help you manage your care. You have to be real sick and tired of being sick and tired. I too feel like I was thrown a machine and little else. No support. My sleep technician recommended a setting that was way too low to treat my level of apnea. I have learned here how to manipulate the settings on the machine, read the reports on the sleep I am getting, and get intelligent advice on what may work in my individual circumstance. If left to the doctors, I would still be slogging away at a pressure that was not helping me much, and would be very discouraged at this point. Instead, I am making progress and feel really good about where this is going.
The thing is, it can be very challenging trying to learn everything involved with this condition. It is also challenging to put yourself out there, and out of your comfort zone trying new things, like posting screenshots, etc., which I personally had never done. And the hardest part is motivating yourself to follow through when you just feel so dang tired and fatigued. But you have to make yourself do it. Even with my limited progress, I already after two months know I never want to go back to how I felt before getting the machine. I would also bet that once you address your sleep and fatigue issues, some of your other health issues will start to fade or at least not be as severe as you are suffering now.
As to family issues......obviously you are in a severely dysfunctional situation with them at this point. I was raised in a family that drank every day. It was so ubiquitous that when I spent the night out as a child, I was shocked to learn other people's refrigerators weren't full of beer and not much else. I didn't know any better and embraced the lifestyle for many years. Then at some point, working shift work and drinking all the time wasn't working for me anymore. This is before I knew I had sleep apnea. Drinking was starting to affect my job performance, so I came to the personal decision that that lifestyle was not going to work for me anymore. My family took that personal decision as a personal slight. They thought that me no longer partaking in all-day family drinking events was some sort of judgment on them, when it really wasn't. Trust me, the peer pressure exerted was enormous. You know what? I stuck to my guns. Have not been a regular drinker for almost 20 years, and now get along with my family just fine. I like to think I showed a few of them that you can survive and thrive without alcohol being a part of your life every single day of the week. The point of this story, if there is one, LOL, is decide who and what YOU want to be. And don't worry about everyone else. People hate change. They like to be able to count on those around them being the same and predictable year after year. Well, life is not like that. People change, and it's up to others to accept or not accept that change. It is up to YOU to order your life in the way that suits you best and makes you happy. My final thought is you can't be happy with yourself if you are angry and carrying grudges against other people. Much easier said than done. In fact, it is very difficult. But you must, or you are never going to be truly happy. One of the things I love about my relationship with God is I can give things up and let Him worry about them for me. I also pray for strength and wisdom to deal with the adversities that life inevitably throws our way. I am not a Bible-thumper, and believe everyone must find their own path in life. But is is a long, difficult road if you don't have SOME sort of spiritual support, whether Christianity, Buddhism, you name it.
Truly hope you get through your troubles and find your happy place. Now back to step one..........sleep apnea.
