Denial: Mother In Law Dying Slowly Cu'z Doesnt "Like" Hose

Maybe you become her advisor since you know so much about sleep disorders?
You could also tell her that she can't decide on dying without your OK.

I had some proof today at my regular doctor visit that proper cpap treatment works. I have been seeing my doc for years trying to control high blood pressure. Because I don't want to take any more BP meds I try to relax and do deep breathing before she takes my blood pressure. She caught me off guard today so I wasn't relaxed. My BP was 120/55.

Before I got my new machine I could rarely get it below 155/90 just sitting at home relaxing and have had it as high as 218/105. The only thing that I can see that is different is that I am finally getting the right Cpap treatment. I have actually gained 20 lbs in the 4 months since I got my new machine but BP is still going down. My pressure in my non data machine was set at 8 for years. The auto is set between 9 and 14 and I spend a good deal of time over 13 so I feel that it has to be what is making the difference with my BP.

Since we all know we can't make people do the right thing you have to work on accepting that they may not live as long and try not to worry and see it as their choice. Change is hard and some people would rather die younger than make changes that they think will make their lives miserable.

Great responses, thanks. And Im going to look up radical acceptance but i have the hunch ive already lived it.

"Pick out your diapers"----now thats funny right there -----Larry the cable guy.

Denial is a strange bird. The family I married into ALL, and i mean ALL have it. Not one of them will take an ounce of advice from another human being. They'd be the one person on the plane not putting on the oxygen mask from the "overhead compartment" as the plane was plummeting and the stewardess was freaking out.

But like y'all said, i gave it a good shot. But Im not into force feeding insanity so my job is fully completed, I tried but I'll sleep like a baby tonight because you can lead a horse to water........

For years, I tried to talk to my sister about her smoking and drinking. About 5 years ago, she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, and had her esophagus removed. (Smoking and drinking are major risk factors.) That didn't stop her. She stopped for good on March 12, 2011, the day she died.

It seems theres not one person who hasnt dealt with a self destructive family member and learned to leave them be to their own devices out of sheer frustration. Its good to be a member of this forum, because everyone here wants to be healthy, not give up.

Family members of alcoholics are often advised to back off before it destroys themselves;
At some point, some just don't want help.

chunkyfrog wrote:Family members of alcoholics are often advised to back off before it destroys themselves;
At some point, some just don't want help.

So true. I have (hopefully) learned to give it my best shot as far as helping someone...and then, my conscious is clear.

You can't choose what your family members do about their health. You can advise, plead, inform, assist, and be an example. If none of that works, then leave them alone. They have chosen what they want to do and you cannot change that. You only have control and responsibility over your own health decisions and choices and your only duty is to inform and assist.

My father was told he need quadruple bypass for clogged coronary arteries. He REFUSED. We all pled, begged, and tried to counsel him to no avail. His cardiologist said he could die any day. My Dad was NOT going to have his "chest split open." Two weeks later he died in his sleep. That is the choice he made. We all knew he would die soon with 98% closer of ALL major arteries. I cried a lot during those two weeks knowing that his decision was a death sentence. But you can't force anyone to have surgery. It's a personal choice just like lifestyle choices and treatment choices. Live and let die.

Viking, my heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and your family. Very sad.